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online dating

3 Online Dating Hacks Every Woman Should Know (Especially During the Pandemic)

If you have any intention of dating during the pandemic, you need to be dating online.

Right now, it is the only way to meet someone.

Many of you are feeling resistant to online dating, but believe me when I say that this situation isn’t nearly as bad as it seems.

As a busy professional woman, you finally have the time to date.

And because we are being cautious about who we meet, men are much more open to having phone conversations and video chats than ever before.

This is wonderful because you don’t have to waste hours getting dressed up and going out to meet them. You can screen them from the comfort of your own home.

It would be easy right now to feel sorry for yourself and talk yourself out of dating. Please don’t do that! Seize this opportunity to date in a new way.

Over the past nine months, I have encouraged my clients to create lovely connections with men over FaceTime and Zoom. A surprising number of those women are now in relationships with these men.

And here’s the spectacular news: just as many of my clients have found relationships during COVID as they did before COVID.

Not only did they refuse to let COVID stop them from going for their dream, but they also used this new way of dating to their advantage and found true love.

With this in mind, I thought I would share three of my favorite online dating hacks to help you stay positive and proactive during the pandemic while searching for your man.

Don’t Take Anything Personally

You and I both know that nothing can stir us up like dating online. We get annoyed because we either get way too many messages or not enough. Men ask for our phone numbers and never call. Or, they text morning, noon, and night like they’re our new best friend and we haven’t even met them. They also start dropping sexual innuendos right away to find out how easy we are.

You might have heard people say, “Don’t take it personally,” but when it comes to dating, this can feel impossible to do. That’s why it’s such a great way to learn how to do it.

Online dating will bring your insecurities to the surface where you can see them and take responsibility for them. The more you can make peace with your own shortcomings, the less reactive you will feel.

The way to apply not taking anything personally to dating is by watching how you make other people’s actions mean something about you.

Let’s say a man you really like suddenly stops texting you. Watch your reaction. Do you take it personally, blame yourself for why he stopped, and feel bad? Or, do you not take it personally, tell yourself it wasn’t a match, and let it go?

Not taking anything personally is central to creating a peaceful and harmonious relationship both with yourself and a partner. If you want a deeper understanding of how this works, read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It will change your life!

Take the Feminine Lead

Bumble made it acceptable for women to make the first move. Still, many dating experts say that you must lean back and wait for men to chase you.

I am from a different camp. I would be insulted if some 35-year-old dating coach told me to ‘lean back’ and wait for a man to chase me. Sorry but that ain’t gonna happen. Not with me…and I don’t think you should do that either.

I am much more aligned with Warren Farrell who wrote an outdated but highly illuminating book called Why Men Are the Way They Are. If you don’t want to wade through the book, there is a wonderful 2-hour interview with the author that is only available on Audible.com.

In his book, Farrell says that women who approach men will get rejected in the same way men who approach women get rejected. BUT because they are not just choosing from the men who approach them, they will be much more likely to connect with the kind of man they really want.

Online dating and dating apps make it easy for you to take what I call The Feminine Lead. If you really think about it, both men and women take the lead in a relationship. They just do it in different ways. Men tend to be more direct: “I’ll pick you up for dinner at 7:00 pm.” Women tend to be more inviting and suggestive: “I would love it if you could pick me up at 7:00 pm.” Or, “Would you be able to pick me up at 7:00?” It’s really that simple.

When making the first move online, I advise my clients to say something short and playful to catch a man’s attention. A simple, “What’s a guy like you doing on a site like this ;-)” Or, “What’s a girl gotta do to get a date with you ;-)”

Unless you are going to write something extremely original and playful about what he’s written, don’t make the mistake of referencing something from his profile. Although many other coaches advise doing this, it’s boring and it won’t stand out like my previous suggestions.

Once you’ve taken The Feminine Lead, sit back, and see what happens. The one thing you don’t want to do is to reach out again if he doesn’t respond.

Date Several Men at Once

A lot of women have resistance to dating more than one man at a time, but I promise you it is one of the smartest things you can do. In the past, most of us couldn’t date multiple people because we were only being asked out on so many dates. With online dating, you have way more choices.

Think about how many times you’ve invested weeks, months, or years getting to know each guy, only to have it go nowhere. If you spend 6 weeks with one guy, 4 months with another, and a year and a half with someone else, that adds up to nearly two and a half years. If you had been dating several men at once, it would have been different.

You would have been able to compare all of these men to each other and see that some of them weren’t worth your time and trouble. If you get anxious when you start liking a man, it would help with your anxiety. Let’s say one man wasn’t contacting you, you would still have dates planned with the others. You could also sit back and see who is really showing up for you.

If you are looking for a loving, lasting relationship—and especially if you want children—the one thing you don’t have is time to waste. At the end of my 12-week course, my clients tell me that one of the best things they did was to date multiple men.

Even if you aren’t willing to meet men in person right now, you can practice these three dating hacks during the pandemic. When you focus on making improvements in the way you date, dating becomes more exciting and rewarding and you will become even more attractive to men. The more attractive you become, the more choices you have until, one day very soon, you will be on a Zoom call and realize that you’ve met The Guardian of Your Soul.

If you want to know more about my work, please watch my free 45-minute presentation. Many women have told me it’s the best one they’ve ever seen. If you like what you hear, we’d love to jump on a Breakthrough Call so we can show you how to find true love NOW!

Nakedly yours,

Why Me?

Whenever I talk to a potential client, I always ask what was it about me that made her want to talk to me. 

Here are some of the real feedback I’ve received:

  • “I just love your tone of voice. I feel like I can trust you and I would feel safe opening up to you.”
  • “I watched an interview with you and your husband and couldn’t believe how he looks at you. I want to attract a man who looks at me that way.”
  • “I watched your free presentation and it really spoke to me. I related to so much of what you said.”
  • “I know I need to be more feminine, but when I try to do the things other coaches tell me to do, it feels disingenuous and like I’m playing a game. The way you say things resonates with me.”
  • “I can tell you’re authentic and you have what I’m looking for.”

This is music to my ears because these women are zeroing in on what separates me from most other love coaches. 

Truth be told, I am 59-years-old and I have been coaching in my field for nearly two decades now. You and I both know that there is no substitute for that kind of experience. In fact, I have to laugh because many of my colleagues were toddlers or teens when I first began helping women navigate online dating to find true and lasting love.

What’s more, I found my true love online, facing the same challenges you are facing today so I know what you’re going through. Yes, texting and dating apps didn’t exist back then, but almost everything else was the same.

  • I struggled to find quality men I wanted to date online.
  • I didn’t know what to write in my profile.
  • I wasn’t sure what pictures to post.
  • I didn’t know how to keep a conversation going over email or how to get a man to ask me out on a date.

But there were also deeper issues that were stopping me from opening up and getting vulnerable with men. I didn’t know how much was too much to say to a man on a first date. I didn’t know how to talk about the important things like did he want kids and was he looking for something long-term. And I didn’t know how to express my needs without seeming needy or insecure.

When I found true love, there were no love coaches. That’s why I became one of the first coaches in my field to help women accomplish what, for me, had been the hardest obstacle I’d ever had to overcome. 

When I started dating online, I wasn’t naive. I knew that I was the common denominator in all my failed relationships and that I still had a lot to learn if I was going to attract the kind of man and create the kind of relationship with him that I wanted. I knew it wasn’t going to happen “just because I was such a great catch and I deserved to be loved.” I wasn’t some starlet from the 1950’s waiting to be discovered by the right man. I was a woman who had a lot to learn about men.

If you are ready for the best, proven, step-by-step approach there is to find real love and you want to work with one of the most seasoned love coaches out there, a coach who will prove to you that you don’t have to compromise and you can have it all, then click here and watch my free 45-minute presentation to see how I can help you find The Guardian of YOUR soul now!

Nakedly yours,

The REAL Reason You’re Still Single

Every day I talk to women over Zoom about what’s not working in their love lives right now. They will tell me things like:

  • I can’t meet quality men on my level who I want to date.
  • Men lose interest and keep ghosting me.
  • Online dating sites just don’t work for me.
  • I get dates but all of the men have commitment issues.
  • All of the men I meet just want sex.

I get it. Dating today is nothing if not challenging. But none of these things are the real reason why you and the other women I speak with are single.

When I dig into their pasts, I find a history of failed relationships or no relationships at all.

That is the REAL issue.

If you haven’t had a truly successful, loving, co-committed relationship in your life, this is the issue you need to be addressing.

We are all the sum total of the choices we make in life. Even if men pursued you, you said yes to them. And you chose to stay in relationships with them, even when you knew you should leave.

The key to successful dating is to own your part in why your past relationships failed. If you don’t do this work first, the chances of you being able to choose a good man and create a loving, lasting relationship are slim to none. Instead, you will waste more of your precious life, repeating the same painful patterns, and expecting a different result.

If you keep repeating these patterns and having more failed relationships, your trust and abandonment issues will continue to grow. That wall around your heart will become so high that no man will be able to get past it even if he wanted to. Is this really what you want to keep doing?

I was with my ex-husband for a total of 13 years. I thought about leaving him for years. In fact, I did leave him after we were together for five years and then I went back. These were my choices and the only way I could ever find true love was by taking responsibility for why I made them.

I never felt attractive to men and I got little male attention when I was younger. So, I stayed with my ex-husband because I was scared that, if I left him, I would be alone for the rest of my life.

There were things I needed to work on to raise my self-esteem, but what I realized was that, more than anything, I didn’t understand men.

I didn’t know what they wanted or needed from me other than sex.

I didn’t know how to speak to men and ask for what I wanted from them without sounding desperate, needy, angry, or insecure.

I didn’t know how to be playful and light with men.

And most of all, I didn’t know how to let down my guard and get emotionally naked so I could create a deep and lasting romantic connection with a man.

I know you dream of having an epic love with a fabulous man, and you CAN HAVE IT! Let me show you how.

For the last eighteen years, I have been with my husband, Benjamin, in the most beautiful relationship I have ever seen. He is The Guardian of my Soul. I found him because I did the right work on myself to learn how to become the kind of woman a man like Benjamin would fall in love with.

Are sick and tired of blaming the dating sites, men, or the powers that be for why you’re single? Do you want to gain real power and control over your dating life so you can attract the Guardian of Your Soul? If so, then click this link to my FREE 45-minute presentation, and let’s get you your dream!

Yours nakedly,

Hate Online Dating? Please read this!

As the pandemic drones on and most of us are still quarantining or social distancing to some degree or other, our reliance on the apps and online dating sites is higher than ever.

I know this isn’t what many of you want to hear but, right now, this is the only way my clients are getting dates.

We don’t know how long the pandemic is going to last, but we do know that being single and alone during COVID isn’t fun. 

What you REALLY want is to be snuggling on the couch with your sweetheart, sharing a bottle of wine, and dreaming about what you are going to create together with this magical life you’ve been given. 

If you’re like many women, COVID has been the wake-up call you’ve needed to get your butt in gear and do something about finding your guy. It’s forced you to stop distracting yourself with work, girlfriends, and family and see that you have to make dating and finding love a priority. 

But how to get dates?

I know if you follow me, you are one smart cookie. (I just Googled that phrase to see where it came from!) You know that you didn’t get to where you are in life because it was handed to you on a silver platter. 

No successful, attractive, intelligent, put-together woman wants to date online. That’s a fact. But sometimes we have to put our big girl panties on and, as the Nike ads say, “Just do it!”

So here’s the GREAT news! Even if you’ve tried online dating in the past and it “didn’t work for you,” that doesn’t mean it can’t work for you now. 

Nearly every woman I coach told me when we first started working together that she hates online dating and that it doesn’t work for her.

Here’s what I said to these women: “If it has worked for millions of people (including me), it can work for you too. You just need to learn the right way to do it.  I don’t care if hundreds of men told you they loved your profile and pictures, if you weren’t attracting the right men, it doesn’t matter what they told you.”

There is so much more to dating successfully online than you could ever imagine. And if you don’t know how to do it right, you are throwing away the most precious thing you have: your time.

Let me lay this out for you, so you can really understand what I am saying. 

Einstein said, “You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created the problem.” 

So, the first step in successfully dating online is to change your mindset about dating. 

This means that you have to truly understand the mistakes YOU’VE been making and you must have clarity on how to make different choices going forward.

To do that, I have my clients take a one-month dating hiatus so they can gain a new perspective on how the dating process really works. During this month, they take a very serious and deep look at all of their past relationships and the mistakes they have been making. Then, I help them get clear on what they must look for in their life partner.  

Next, I guide them on what photos they need. As a former professional fashion photographer, this is something I know a thing or two about! 😉 

Finally, they write their profiles according to my format and then my husband, Benjamin, rewrites their profiles for them from the perspective of a quality man. These profiles are worth their weight in gold! 

By the time they get back out into the dating world, my clients are actually excited to date and they are astounded by the responses they get from men!

Don’t believe me? Then hear it from them…

(These are just five out of the hundreds of messages from my clients about the difference their profiles make. ) 

Can you just hire Benjamin to write your profile? Nope.

You and I both know that this is just one essential part of a bigger process. Let’s just say that, if you only got a new profile, it would be like choosing to only reading one of the required books for your Master’s degree program.

If you want to learn how to date during the pandemic and find true love for the rest of your life, then watch my FREE 45-minute presentation. If you fit the criteria, let’s jump on a call right away so I can show you how to conquer the online dating world and change your love life forever!

Nakedly yours,

Filling the Void – Is Covid a Wake-Up Call??

In case you haven’t noticed, we are right in the midst of one of the most extraordinary times in history… a real-life pandemic. In a matter of days our lives were completely turned upside down. 

This time has been especially challenging for those of you who are single. I’ve been talking to many of you, and I know that you’re really struggling. You are feeling your singleness in away you’ve never felt it before.

For many of you, the quarantine has been a huge wake-up call. The great thing about wake up calls is that they show you that you’re at a crossroads. You’re standing in a moment where you can to make a choice. You get to choose how you feel about being single and what you want to do about it. 

You get to decide whether you want to sink into despair or if you are going to be motivated to finally take your love life seriously so you don’t wind up single and alone at the end of your life

In the last few weeks the price of lumber has skyrocketed due to massive home remodels. People are putting their energy into renovating their homes because they know they’re going to be spending a lot more time in them. 

You have the choice to do the same with your emotional home. 

You can either hide the basement…

… or you can bedazzle the sh*t out of it.

You can take this time to let yourself feel every one of those feelings. Unpack them all and spread them out so that you can really see them. Make a pile of the ones that serve you. Then open the doors and windows and sweep the rest into the sunlight.

You can get on the apps and explore what’s out there. Talk to men on Zoom and get curious about them. Enjoy listening to their stories and relish the sheer beauty of human connection. 

You can choose to see virtual dating is a godsend, a golden opportunity to connect on a deeper level without having to worry about sleeping with someone too soon. You can see it as a chance to plant the seeds for the relationship you want to see growing in the spring.

Most importantly, you can choose to get help. No matter how bored and frustrated you are right now, I doubt any of you would attempt to do a serious home renovation on your own. You aren’t going to start ripping down walls and tearing up floors on your own…although that could be a good way to get your aggressions out.

In  the same way, if you really want to come out the other end of this pandemic a changed woman with a love life, you can hire a Love Coach to help you make a step-by-step plan to help you get there. It’s your choice.

If you haven’t seen my 45- minute webinar, it’s a great place to start. If you like what you hear in it, book a call with me now and let’s get going.

In the meantime, make your emotional home one that you want to live in. You’re going to be in it for awhile.

Yours in Nakedness,

The Do’s and Don’ts of Virtual Dating

We all know that dating can be frustrating, exhausting, and depressing…and now we get to add a global pandemic and quarantining to the mix!

If you weren’t ready to give up on love before, you probably are now.

I am here to tell you not to panic during the pandemic.

Every change in life offers us new opportunities, if we choose to look for them.

Over the past few months, almost all of my clients have quickly and easily made the shift to video dating…and many of them LOVE it!

They are telling me that talking on the phone and doing video chats allows them to vet the men they are considering dating without having to leave the comfort of their own home.

Many of the men they would have dressed up and gone out to meet pre-COVID, are now quickly screened and sent on their merry way, saving my clients precious time and trouble.

Like most things we do in life, there is a bit of a learning curve when switching to phone and video chats, but it isn’t as difficult as some of you are making it.

Here are a few essential tips to make sure you get the most out of the experience and know what you need to avoid.

1. DO IT

The first do is DO. DO go on virtual dates. Don’t hate on the medium, it’s what we’ve got right now, and it’s a brilliant opportunity. Don’t worry about how you look on camera or whether you’ll seem awkward. Those are technical fixes that I’ll address in a minute.

Make a commitment to yourself to let go of your prejudices and give it a try.

Seize this opportunity. You might be surprised at how much fun you have. And it will be a great way to do something constructive to fill your time and get some human interaction so you don’t feel so isolated during the quarantine.

2. LEARN THE TECHNOLOGY

Zoom can be a little tricky the first time you use it. If you are having challenges, you can Google things like “How do I get my sound to work on Zoom?” or, “How do I turn my camera on?” Zoom provides short video tutorials on almost every challenge you face.

Zoom also allows meetings to be recorded. You can see in the corner of your screen if that’s happening. If you are in another person’s Zoom room, they will need to turn it off.

There are other colossal mistakes people make when video chatting. Check out this Bored Panda article for a few good laughs. https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-video-meetings-conference-call-fails-quarantine

There are also functional differences between the desktop versions and the app versions of Zoom, and you’ll want to understand those.

Again, a quick tutorial video on whatever you’re using should be easy to find on YouTube.

3. GLAM YOUR CAM

While webcams and built-in cameras can be unforgiving, you can still look amazing with a few simple adjustments.

Most importantly, you want to have a good camera angle and good light. Try to arrange your camera so that it is eye-level or higher. If you are using a laptop or an iPad, just slip a few thick books underneath to bring the camera to eye level.

The best way to get consistently good lighting is to invest in a ring light. They are easy to find and not too expensive. You can find one on Amazon for about $10.00.

Just clip it to the top of your screen and… boom! Instant beauty lights every time.

4. GO WITH THE FLOW

Remember, this is the perfect opportunity to take…your…time. This is a chance to slow everything down and really get to know someone.

Let it evolve. Ask about him. Respect the fact that you have a captive audience and resist the urge to tell him your entire life story.

Try not to put expectations on how much or how often you will talk. Remember, this is an anxious time that is bringing up heavy emotions and situations for people. Everyone needs to be able to deal with it in their own way.

You want to be able to communicate clearly and create the space for him to do so. If you sense that he’s not present with you or fading in the conversation, offer space.

Say, “It’s fine if we just make this quick. We can pick it up later.”

If he stops texting you or fluctuates between reaching out and withdrawing, don’t make up stories about why.

Now more than ever, it’s important not to take things personally. Just communicate. This is the perfect opportunity to start stepping into your voice. It’s ALL GOOD, so let what happens happen!

5. SEE THE BIG PICTURE

Yes, there is a learning curve involved in virtual dating. And yes, the situation will require you to grow some new muscles in your communication.

Now is the time to create emotionally naked connections. You’ve wanted this opportunity to talk and get to know someone without jumping right into sex.

This is that opportunity.

If you can let go and enjoy it, be curious and learn how to really enjoy getting to know and appreciate men, that’s when a whole new world will open up for you.

You will then be in a place to go back into the world of hugs and handshakes and truly date with an open heart.

And when your heart opens, I guarantee you, all the love that you desire will appear.

Don’t let COVID become another excuse to put off your search for love. So many of my successful female clients are taking advantage of fact that, for the first time, they aren’t buried in work or distracting themselves with social opportunities. They’re facing the fact that they are alone and without a partner…and they’re doing something about it.

I’d love to tell you how I can help you stop doing what’s not working and start doing what will.

Most of the women I work with find true love within 3 to 12 months.It’s a difficult thing to do on your own, and even more so right now. I want to help you breakthrough and make a plan to have love waiting for you at the end of this tunnel.

I have a free 45-minute webinar for you that will change your life. Watch it now, and if you like what you hear, book a complimentary breakthrough call with me here. 

I’d love to tell you how I can help you stop doing what’s not working and start doing what will.

In the meantime, stay healthy and date on!

Yours in Nakedness,

WHY YOU ARE ALREADY BRILLIANT AT VIRTUAL DATING And How it can Work to Your Advantage

Covid-19 has put a giant damper on everyone’s social life, but that does not mean you have to stop dating.

At a time when we are having to stay away from each other, sew our own face masks, and scour the earth for toilet paper, to continue your search for your soulmate, you are going to have to adapt to a new way of connecting with men.

That means hiking up those sweatpants, dusting off your profile, and downloading the video platform of your choice so you can start going on virtual dates.

Many of you will feel resistant to trying this. You don’t like how you look on camera. You don’t want anyone to see where you live. You feel strange having to sit and stare at some stranger on a screen. You come across so much better in person. You feel even stranger having to sit and stare at yourself on screen for long periods at a time.

Not only that, why FaceTime when you can say everything you need to say in a 3-word text?

You can make all the excuses in the world, but you don’t have to let Covid-19 stop you from going for your dream. You can embrace virtual dating and start to see it as an opportunity.

Start thinking of Zoom, Skype, WhatsApp, and FaceTime as the Starbucks of today. Pour yourself a cup and hop online for a virtual “coffee date.”

Here’s where this gets exciting! If you aren’t just trying to fill your time and you are taking your virtual dates seriously, this is a golden opportunity to practice connecting in a new and more emotionally naked way with men. You have a chance to focus on sharing your head before you jump into bed.

I was on a call last week with my private women’s coaching group and I reflected on how we forget that, in our grandmother’s generation, almost no one had sex before marriage. Men courted women and we took time to get to know one another.

According to a Time Magazine survey, until a month ago, on average people were having sex after 3.68 dates. That’s the AVERAGE! Our modern-day hookup culture has made it far too easy to have a couple of drinks on a date, cave in to chemistry, and wind up in bed together.

Virtual dating requires you to connect through language rather than sex. Here we are with nothing to do but sit and talk to one another. Take advantage of it!

You still might be compelled to meet with someone you have connected with in person. I advise my clients not to take the risk, partly because they might catch the virus but also because there is a lot they can learn about themselves by taking advantage of this time. I tell them to slow down and practice getting men to open up and be more vulnerable with them.

I frequently hear women complain that the men they meet are all emotionally unavailable. Many men are looking for the kind of woman who make it feel safe for them to open up. Being a soft, safe space for a man to share his innermost thoughts and feelings doesn’t come naturally to many women. Men complain that we can be needy, desperate, critical, or like mothers.

Although some men are excellent verbal communicators, this is by and large women’s territory. Verbal communication is our area of expertise.

There’s an evolutionary explanation for why that is.

As early humans, men were providers and protectors. There was plenty of bonding going on, but it was mostly nonverbal. When they were hunting with other members of their tribe, they needed to focus, stay quiet, and be ready for action.

The last thing they were doing was talking about their feelings.

Women, on the other hand, were hanging out with each other, cooking, tending to the children, and talking…A LOT!

So through our evolutionary role as nurturers, we developed the gift of verbal communication. And this is our gift to men.

Virtual dating is the perfect opportunity to use this power.

Verbal communication is how we share our real selves. It’s how we share our heads and our hearts.

I believe the secret to finding true and lasting love is to learn to get emotionally naked. And that means being able to connect emotionally before you jump into bed.

I believe that a woman’s greatest desire is to have a man get emotionally naked with her. This is what most women dream of.

We want to connect deeply, safely, and emotionally with a man we are really attracted to. A man who we feel is really attracted to us. And that can open up to a physical connection, but we want a man to want to get emotionally naked with us.

And in order to do that, we have to become the kind of woman that a man would feel safe getting emotionally naked with.

Virtual dating is a perfect environment for being able to do this. It isn’t something that is going to happen on a few dates, but when you take things slow he may be able to get emotionally naked with you.

Emotional nakedness means opening up your heart in a way that takes some serious inner work for most people. It can be really difficult to do on your own.

If you’re interested in going deeper and finally getting real results, I can help.

In my 45-minute webinar I have some information that will change your life. Watch it here if you haven’t already.

If you like what you hear, let’s jump on a call and I will tell you how I can help you get off the dating treadmill and find the one. My clients find love, get married, have babies within 3 months to a year.

That could also be you!

You can also join my Facebook Group Dating Without Drama, and join the conversation.

Be well, be safe, and get yourself on that webcam. You can even keep the sweats on. He’ll never know.

I look forward to connecting with you!

Love,

How to Make Your Photos STAND OUT While You are STAYING IN!

Don’t underestimate how important your online dating photos are. If you are serious about attracting a wonderful partner, you must be willing to show yourself in the best possible light. For my clients, this used to mean having professional pictures taken. 

Now suddenly, we’re all quarantined and that’s no longer an option.

So, we need to move to Plan B. Not THAT Plan B. Plan B to Hiring a Professional Photographer (at least for now). 

You don’t have to resort to posting selfies just because of social distancing. Besides, unless you’re an Instagram celebrity, you probably haven’t mastered the art of taking post-worthy selfies. 

I was a professional fashion photographer for 15 years, so I know a thing or two about taking photos. As a dating coach, I use my photography skills on a daily basis to shoot flattering videos and pictures of myself. This got me thinking. 

Covid-19 or no Covid-19, many of you know you could use better online dating photos. As long as you can go outside in a park, a garden or your own backyard, I can show you how to shoot your own professional quality photos just like I do! All you need is a $24 tripod and some tips from me!

Here goes… 

WHAT YOU’LL NEED

  • A camera with a timer
    Most smartphones have great cameras and great editing software. If you have a digital camera with a timer that’s great too. If you’re using a digital camera, make sure it can attach to a tripod mount. 

YOUR LOOK

Choosing the Right Clothes

Remember, the camera adds 10 pounds, so you want to be careful in choosing the right outfit. This is not the time to hide behind a loose t-shirt or a flowy frock. Wear something form-fitting that shows off your curves, no matter how curvy they are. Love your stuff, and show it off!! It’s YOU. Don’t be afraid to show who you are, it’s all beautiful!!

You’ll want to choose a few different looks to give you plenty of options. Choose colors that you know you look good in, and stay away from really busy prints. Don’t be afraid to put on a little black dress. In my 12-week Emotionally Naked Dating course I always tell women to get a shot in something red. A portrait shot in red is like a stop sign. If a guy is cruising through photos on a dating site, a lady in red will make him stop and look.

You’ll need to find the right shade of red for your skin tone. If you have a red lipstick that looks good on you, that’s the right shade. But don’t wear a red lipstick in the photo, you want to keep it natural.

Hair and Makeup

Again, you want to be your most beaming, beautiful, true self in these photos. Keep your makeup soft, natural, and light. Choose a sheer foundation (if any), and just a well-matched concealer as needed. I do a bit of natural shadow on my eyes, a light liner, a bit of blush and a neutral lip. You might keep a translucent powder handy if you tend to be very shiny in photos. Resist the urge to get dramatic with heavy makeup or false eyelashes. Keep it light, fresh, and natural.

The same goes for your hair. You want to do your best version of your everyday look. Whether that’s a few waves with a curling iron or a soft updo to dress it up, keep it real. Don’t overdo it with styling or product, just do your best dressed natural.

SETTING THE SCENE

Background

You want to choose a relatively simple background, without anything busy or distracting behind you. A cool textured wall or the plants and flowers in your yard make great backdrops. If you have access to an open space that allows for social distancing, beaches and scenic vistas are great open backgrounds.

 A simple background with no distractions will help insure that you are the focus of the photo. 

Lighting

One advantage to shooting outside is that there is plenty of natural light. You want soft, even lighting that doesn’t bring out harsh shadows on your face. Early morning or late afternoon sunlight is the best. What you don’t want is a lot of light coming from behind you. 

Try to find shade behind and above you, and soft, directional light coming towards you. Watch thevideo above to see me demonstrate this technique.

If you need to shoot indoors, try standing facing a window where soft, directional light is coming in.

You’ll need to play around with this a bit, but be patient. Once you find a lighting technique that works for you, you’ll be able to use it every time.

GETTING THE SHOT

Okay, your background and lighting is set, your hair and makeup is radiant and your outfit is bangin’… 

…let’s shoot this thing!

Rule # 1: Throw out your stock photo pose. I know you already have a “photo face.” We all do. Some are better than others. Get rid of it. There’s nothing natural about it and there’s nothing interesting about looking at five different photos of you making the same face.

When you’re ready to shoot, you’ll hit the button to start the timer on your camera, and then strike a pose. If your timer is set to 3 seconds, it’ll be button..2..3..pose…button..2..3..pose..and so on. If you have an iPhone, you can try setting it to “burst” and it will take a series of several photos. This allows you to move around a bit and get variations on the angle. 

You can also play with taking a video, and then choosing a still frame from the video that you like. The more you understand what your camera can do, the more options you will have. But it’s also fine to just take one photo at a time.

IMPORTANT: have fun with this!

Put on some music. Show your personality. After you’ve taken a few test shots, have a party. Get lots of different poses, change the lighting, change the background, change your clothes. Get different moods. Get playful, sensual, silly. Try all of your smiles and all of your laughs. 

Imagine that your soul mate is in the room with you. Imagine that you are already in love.

Make sure to get a variety of portrait (or close-up), mid-length, and full body shots. Don’t worry about looking perfect in every single photo. Remember, even a professional photoshoot of 200 shots turns out about 10 winners. Get a lot of variety and you can pick the winners out later.

CHOOSING YOUR SHOTS

After your shoot, you’ll want a good variety of looks to choose from. Make sure you pick a close-up portrait, mid-length shot, and full-length shot. Narrow down your faves, and then get a second opinion from a close friend or two. 

Your photos are your siren call when dating online. So make sure you put the time in to really get it right. Then sit back and watch the ships roll in!

This should be more than enough to get you started. Now go have yourself a photo party and send me your photos when you’re done, I’d love to see them!

Make sure to watch the video above to see the technique that I use. It will help you put it all together.  Here are some examples of photos I took:

And if you haven’t already, click here to watch my life-changing webinar. If you like what you hear, you can book a call with me and I can show you how to find your soulmate once and for all.

And you will never have to take your own photos again.

Stay tuned for more dating tips that will take you from surviving to thriving.

In the meantime, get in touch. I’d love to hear from you.

Yours in Nakedness,

Get into your heart so he can too!

I lead women on a powerful 3-month journey to unlock the deep secrets of finding lasting love.

The name of my course is “Emotionally Naked Dating.” 

Being able to get emotionally naked is the secret to attracting everything you long for in a relationship. And like any good secret, it takes guidance and wisdom to learn how to do it well.

Every week in the course I host live Q&A calls where the women often ask, “Lisa, I hear you about getting emotionally naked on a date, but how do I do that?”

I know they’re looking for simple strategies, like ask these questions, or touch his arm, or look longingly into his eyes for a little longer than you’re supposed to.

That’s what they are expecting…and all of those things work to a degree.

But the real answer to the question of how to get emotionally naked is that you need to get out of your head and into your heart.

The next question they ask is, “Okay, but how? How do I get into my heart?”

Unfortunately, this is way easier said than done. 

In fact, there’s a saying that the longest journey you will ever travel is 18 inches from your head to your heart. 

If you’re like most people in the dating world, right now you are in your head, trying to figure it out. 

Is he the right guy? Does he have this? Does he have that? Am I saying the wrong thing? Am I saying the right thing? Am I leaning back? Am I leaning too far forward? Is my dress too low cut?

When we are caught up in trying to “figure things out,”  we’re not in the present moment. If you are not in the present moment, you are not in your heart.

What we’re trying to create is love.

And love comes from the heart. It comes from a very different part of our being than what is governed by the head.

At work, you access the intellectual side of your brain, the left brain. But in love, you’re drawing from the right side, the creative part of your brain, and from your heart space.

I can tell from the tone of a client’s voice when she was totally caught in her head, trying to intellectualize the process…

…but you cannot access that space with external tips and tricks. It has to be made on the inside

When I talk about dating from an emotionally naked place, this is the journey the women in my group go on.

They begin to break the habits of relying on trying to change the outside world to make them happy, which is an impossible task.

Together, we work to identify and let go of old, repeating patterns so they can get closer to their heart. When they struggle, I guide them through it step-by-step. 

“Slow down. Breathe. Talk softer, move slower. Be present in the moment with him. Get curious and listen, really listen.” 

These are the beginning steps to changing who you are being with a man. And once you make these changes on the inside, everything on the outside begins to change.

When you’re coming from your heart, there is no wall. There’s no façade. There’s no hiding. There is no fear. There’s just you being in touch.

When you’re in your heart you don’t even have to think about emotional nakedness because your heart IS the center of your emotional nakedness.

If you’d like to know more about this incredible transformational dating process and even more life changing secrets, I have a gift for you.

This 45-minute webinar is absolutely free and will open the door to your life-changing journey.

Book your spot here.

The women I coach come to me because what they are doing is not working, and the results they get from my program are astounding. 

70 % of them find the love of their dreams within 3-12 months.

If you’re ready to stop doing what isn’t working and finally find something that does, book a breakthrough call now and let me tell you how it can happen.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Nakedly yours,