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Understanding Men

Are You Making These Fatal Mistakes that Push Men Away?

So many women don’t realize that they are doing subtle things that turn men off and push them away.

These blindspots are keeping you single.

If you don’t know what these behaviors are, you could be sitting across from an amazing man on a date and not even know what you’re doing wrong.

There won’t be a connection because he won’t find you emotionally attractive and want to open up to you.

Just as we have things that turn us off about men, men are sensitive to certain behaviors in women that turn them off.

Many women aren’t conscious of what these behaviors are.

They go on date after date, fail to make a connection, and wonder where all the good men are.

You can be on a date and go through your whole spiel about how you’re ready for a relationship with a secure, emotionally available man, but if you do not have an intimate understanding of what turns a man off or on, quality men can tell that you’re not ready for the relationship you say you want.

If men lose interest in you quickly, if they ghost you or don’t ask you out again, or if they only come on to you sexually, you are doing one of several things to turn them off.

So what are those things you might be doing to push good men away? Stay tuned!

In the next few days, I will be sending out a series of emails where I explore some of the biggest things women do to turn off men.

You can talk about the Law of Attraction all day long, but before quality men will find you attractive, you have to first understand what you’re doing that is unattractive.

If you don’t figure this out, men won’t open up to you, you will never hear from them again, and you will be left wondering why.

Like many of the women I talk to, you will tell yourself this keeps happening because there just aren’t any quality men who want to commit, men are intimidated by your success, or whatever other excuses you make up to make yourself feel better.

Until you start to understand the subtle things that turn quality men off, you won’t know how to turn them on! 😉

Wanna know the great news?

These are ALL easy things to fix.

Not only that, once you learn the beautiful process I teach my women to create loving, lasting, Guardian of Your Soul relationships with men, you will have your pick of fabulous men to choose from.

I don’t give you tricks, scripts, and strategies for finding love.

I show you how to open your heart, get emotionally naked, and attract true love.

Do I have your attention?

Yours nakedly,

The #1 Behavior that turns men off…

Alright, Ladies,

Let’s take a look at the number one thing women do that turns men off and pushes them away.

This is a BIG one, and it is something EVERY woman does…including you.

We shame men.

Without even knowing it, when a man lets us down, we express our disappointment in a way that makes him feel small.

What a man wants more than anything is to be our hero.

So when he feels he’s disappointed you, he’s embarrassed and ashamed.

This is NOT how you want to make a man feel.

Let’s look at how this works.

Have you ever felt upset with a man who told you he would call at a certain time and then didn’t?

The next day he sends you a text explaining what happened.

You’re willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, but you also feel it’s important to let him know that it better not happen again.

You might think this is a perfectly reasonable thing to say.

Of course, you have every right to express your feelings about what happened.

But if you say it with the wrong tone of voice and in a way that makes him feel he was a disappointment to you, you will shame him.

A smart, self-aware woman never wants to make a man feel shame because she knows that if she does that, he will never feel safe opening up to her.

When men feel shame, it is emasculating.

If you don’t want to emasculate men, you have to learn how to express your feelings without shaming them.

And here’s the most important part of all: a real man who has great self-esteem simply won’t put up with a woman talking to him that way.

The moment she exhibits that behavior, he’ll walk away and find a woman who knows how to treat a man with respect.

If you want to learn how to stop shaming men and become the kind of woman great men are looking for, click this link to watch my FREE 45-minute presentation.

If you like what you hear, one of my team members or I will jump on a call with you.

Also, keep reading these emails because I have lots more to tell you about how you might be turning men off!

Yours in nakedness,

The Second Massive Mistake You’re Making That Turns Off Men

Today I want to introduce you to another female behavior that turns off men.

This is one I was guilty of.

When I went out on my 96 first dates, one of the big mistakes I was making was that I didn’t show enough interest in my dates.

They couldn’t tell if I liked them or not.

Like a lot of women, I didn’t want to lead a man on if I wasn’t sure how I felt about him, but how could I know if I liked a man if I didn’t at least try to connect with him?

Yes, there were many men I knew I didn’t want to see again.

But several of the men I would have gone out with a second time never asked me out again.

If you aren’t sending a man clear signals that you are interested in getting to know him, even if he likes you, he won’t pursue you.

He doesn’t want to get rejected any more than you do.

Like many women, you can tell yourself that you deserve a confident man who knows what he wants and pursues you, but if you don’t show interest, he will simply reach out to any of the countless other women online.

After the date, you can always say “no” if you decide you don’t want to see him again, but why not just give it your all and see what happens?

The trick to all of this is to become more open-hearted and more comfortable in your own skin.

When that happens, your walls will come down and you will be more playful and engaged with your dates.

It might seem as if you are suddenly attracting better men.

But what’s really happening is that your energy is more open and men can feel it.

If you want to discover how to open up and become more playful so men find you more approachable, watch my FREE 45-minute presentation and let’s jump on a call!

Xx,

The Third Behavior that Turns Men Off…and is VERY easy to fix!

Enjoying this blog series?

I’ve received wonderful responses from many of you saying this information is enlightening.

I’ve also received messages from women who were outraged and want to continue putting all the blame on men.

When you do that, you throw your power away!

Sure, there’s a lot men can do to improve the way they relate to us, but you can’t change other people.

The one person you have the power to change is YOU.

If you’re like most of my clients, you’re a powerful, ambitious woman who has accomplished almost everything she wants in life.

It is NOT your style to sit back and blame others for what’s not working.

You look at a situation, assess what you need to do to get the job done and do it.

Dating is no different.

You have tremendous power with men, way more than you could ever imagine… if you know how to harness that power and use it in the right way.

Right now, you are literally throwing away one opportunity after another and you don’t even know it.

By using my tried-and-true techniques for creating a deep emotional connection with men, my female clients are astounded by how easy it is to attract a steady stream of high quality, relationship-ready men who have no trouble opening up to them.

With that said, let’s look at another huge mistake women make that turns off men: being in your head, and not in your heart.

Most women I coach have been in the business world so long they treat their dates like a job interview.

They are quick to tell me, “I can talk to anyone. That’s what I do all day at work.”

I don’t doubt that you are a wonderful conversationalist.

But if your first dates never turn into second or third dates, it’s because you are so focused on assessing if this man is worthy of your time and trouble and figuring out what he’s “looking for in a relationship” that you are taking all the fun out of it.

How many times have you walked away from a first meeting with a new man feeling like you were pulling teeth?

That’s because you were in your head the whole time…and so was he.

When you’re in your head, there is no room for playfulness, fun, and spontaneity.

These are the magic ingredients for sparking a connection, the kind of connection that brings a man into his heart and makes him want to open up with you.

After each bad date, you tell yourself, “Why do I keep attracting all these emotionally unavailable men?”

You might not believe me right now, but they aren’t all emotionally blocked.

In fact, most men have few people they feel comfortable opening up to, and they are craving this kind of connection.

They just aren’t connecting with YOU.

In just a few short weeks, I can show you how to open your heart and create a deep, playful, emotionally naked connection so you will have your pick of amazing men.

Still skeptical?

Click this link to watch my FREE 45-minute presentation to learn more.

If you like what you hear, you can jump on a call with one of my team members or me so we can show you how to get this solved.

The Guardian of Your Soul is looking for you right now.

Let us help you open your heart so he can find you!

Yours nakedly,

Are YOU Not Showing Enough Interest

One of the biggest mistakes I made when I dated was that I didn’t show men I was interested in them. And, if I wasn’t showing interest, there was no way to create a spark. In retrospect, I can see that I didn’t get asked out on many second dates because men couldn’t tell if I was interested in them. Is this happening to you?

Women tell me all the time that they rarely meet men they’re attracted to. I get that. We all have our preferences for what we are looking for in a man. But that might not be the only thing that’s going on. Like me, you might have walls up that are protecting you from getting hurt. When you go on dates, it might feel like you aren’t attracted to any of the men you meet, but what’s really happening is that you are walled off and protecting yourself from getting hurt again. The only men that seem to get through that wall are the ones who feel familiar and are bad for you.

It took me years to remove the wall around my own heart. For years it seemed like I just wasn’t attracted to many men, but now I can see that it was my own fear that was keeping me from opening up and connecting with them. As I have become less guarded and more comfortable with men, I find so many more of them attractive. I am not saying that all of these guys were marriage material. They weren’t. But I can now see that I wasn’t even giving them a chance.

You might really want to have a man in your life, but you need to be honest and ask yourself if you are blocked and afraid of getting hurt.

All of us have been rejected by someone we love and we are afraid of getting our hearts broken again. It might have been your parents or the kids at school who hurt you. Maybe it was a lover, a boyfriend, or an ex-husband who betrayed your trust and broke your heart. Once this happens, it isn’t easy to trust again.

The hard part about breaking this pattern is that it really seems like you are not attracted to the men you’re meeting. The only way to shift it is to start admitting that you are playing a part in this equation. You need to set an intention to be more open and playful and open on your dates. We all want an instant spark, the kind we see in the movies. But if you aren’t connecting with any of the men you meet, you need to consider that you might be blocked and take steps to initiate a connection even if it isn’t there.

This last time when I dated, I made a conscious choice to keep my heart open. I went on dates with different men, many who were not my usual type. Because I stayed open, if it wasn’t a match, it was fine. I would just tell myself that, with each date, I was one step closer to one that was.

The more different types of men I dated, the more comfortable I became with men, and the more I was able to open up.

To truly open your heart, you need to throw away your list of requirements. Sure, I still had preferences and I knew the bar was high. But the truth is, if I knew everything to look for and how to find it, I would have already found my partner.

I didn’t know what my love was going to look like. I had no idea that my husband was going to be a bodyworker. I didn’t know he was going to be divorced and drive an old vintage car and live in a rental house.

If you’ve got that list, where the man you’re looking for needs an advanced degree, must be 6’ with a full head of hair, drive a fancy car, own a home, be at the top of his field, etc……..

…you are creating an impossibility.

So open up, get interested, and most of all SHOW interest. When you show up with open space in your heart and room to be surprised, that is when the magic happens.

If you are sick and tired of floundering out there, let’s get you some help. I know it is scary to think of facing this head-on, but I can tell you that what’s on the other side for you is beyond your wildest dreams.

If you haven’t already, check out my webinar. If it speaks to your heart, book a call.

I made it to the other side and have spent the last 17 years in the most magical relationship, and that is what I want for every woman on the planet.

Reach out, I look forward to connecting with you!

Yours in Nakedness,

How and When to Have the Exclusivity Talk

So you’ve been out on a number of dates with a guy. You’ve slept together, you text daily, maybe you even met his friends or his mom. You might even have vague plans scheduled in the future – like attending a concert or going to a special event together. Still, you remain in dating limbo. You’re wondering, “Where is this going?”

Here’s what you need to understand: when it comes to dating and commitment, women and men see things very differently from each other. Women need to know what page they’re on with the man they’re dating thanks to this ingrained time clock that’s constantly ticking and telling us, “We should be monogamous and exclusive by such and such a time.” However, men don’t have this clock. They’re running on “man time.”

How Men and Women see “Getting Exclusive”

If you have sex after the third date, a man is just still thinking that you’re enjoying getting to know each other, that you’re having sex and fun and that you’re just dating. A woman, on the other hand, after she’s slept with a man, and certainly after five or six dates, starts to already think they are heading toward an exclusive relationship.

Women start to get very excited about this possibility. But for a guy, getting exclusive is a big decision. When he hears exclusivity, he’s thinking of spending holidays together, meeting each other’s family, and planning trips together. Then he thinks, “Oh my God, maybe she’s going to even talk about moving in together.” Yes, ALL of these things are running through his mind when he hears the word “exclusive.” He doesn’t hear, “Let’s keep dating and getting to know each other.” He hears meeting the family, making plans, hanging out together, planning a future together. While dating might be manageable for him, “being exclusive” is a whole other ball game.

Sex Doesn’t Mean Commitment

This is why it’s so important not to sleep with someone on the third or fourth date.

I’ve seen so many women get themselves into situations with men who won’t commit to them but then they’re sexually involved and, so, of course, they’re starting to attach, and it’s not good.

In fact, I had one client who was sleeping with a man, and then she asked him for exclusivity, but he said he wasn’t ready for that. Later, she found out he was seeing other people, and she was deeply hurt because she had put herself in a bad spot by both sleeping and becoming emotionally invested in a man who wouldn’t commit to her.

That’s why I recommend to clients that you’ve got to say to a man you’re dating, “Hey, I would love to sleep with you, you’re hot. It’s hard for me to say no, but I need to be in an exclusive relationship before I do that.”  (Read my Share Your Head Before You Share Your Bed post to find out why putting off sex is so essential in getting the relationship you deserve.)

If You Want to Know, Ask

A lot of women are scared of having “the talk” with a man because not only is it open and vulnerable – or emotionally naked – but they might hear something that they don’t want to hear, i.e. the man they’ve been sleeping with for months doesn’t want to be exclusive. Or maybe he does want to be exclusive, but he’s scared to bring it up because he thinks it’s too soon and it’ll scare you away.

This is precisely why it’s so important to have this conversation. You have a movie playing in your head. He’s got a movie playing in his head. And the thing is, most people don’t share their movies. They don’t talk about this stuff, and so they’ve got completely different movies going on and you’ve got to share your movies and see if you can get in the same movie together. If not, it’s time to switch to another channel. You don’t want to keep investing your time, energy, and body, to someone who doesn’t want the same type of relationship that you do.

How to Have “The Talk”

Let’s assume you’re bringing up the conversation of exclusivity before you have sex, which is what I recommend. So you’ve dated for a few weeks, maybe even months, and you know what you want – exclusivity – so now it’s time to bring it up. Don’t give ultimatums or ask him what he wants. You must start from your own perspective. Say something like, “I am really enjoying getting to know you and I’ve decided that I don’t want to see other men. I really want to take time to get to know you and so I’ve pulled my profile down and I just want to enjoy dating you and seeing where this goes.” And then, you pause. A little silence is a good thing, so just be quiet and create that space for him to come forward and tell you how he’s feeling.

You want to pay attention to his response. Does he freak out? Does he say, “Wait a minute, I’m not ready to be exclusive, I just want to date.” Or does he say, “Hey, I really love getting to know you and yeah, I’d love to be exclusive. I just thought maybe it was too soon to ask.” Or maybe he’ll say to you, “I really like you, but I want to take it slowly, so let’s date a little bit longer and check in with each other.”

Whatever his response might be, now you know where you stand on being exclusive, and you can either move forward in a committed relationship, or you can move on and find the right person who will want to be exclusive with you. Because clarity only brings you closer to the loving commitment you deserve.

Yours in Nakedness,

Are You Ready to Receive?

If you looked back upon your love life as though it were a research study…

…and saw that repeating the same process had consistently produced undesirable results..

…you could only conclude that you need a different process.

Because you are looking at if from a scientific lens, you can throw out the conclusions “There are no good men” and “there is something deeply wrong with me.”

Done? Good. Good riddance. The conclusion is now only:

You need a different process.

I’m giving you this because it was such a huge shift for me in MY dating journey. I spent so many years failing at finding love until I eventually realized that I was making a huge mistake by not looking at my data.

Years ago, a guy asked me out at the gym. I never got asked out. This was a very big deal for me. I was excited about it, didn’t know how excited I was about him, but I was saying, “Yes,” to men and, “Yes,” to dates and opportunities. 

He took me to a lovely restaurant here in Los Angeles. I wasn’t sure about him, but as the night went on, I warmed up. I was even thinking about a little good night kiss at the door when he walked me up to my apartment.

As we were climbing the steps, I was preparing myself.

When we get to the top, he looks at me and he says, “You know, whenever I go out with a woman, I’m always listening for how I can be there for her.” Then he said, “I really like your company, but you don’t need a man. You’ve got it all figured out.” 

What I heard was, “If you want some kind of Malibu Barbie, some needy woman, then that’s not me. I don’t need a man. I’m not needy.” 

So he went his way and I went my way. We did our lives.

I brushed it off, telling myself it was his issue.

But as I kept dating, I kept getting the same undesirable result. I knew by the way that men were responding to me that something really wasn’t working, and my mind kept going back to that date.

It finally hit me that what he was telling me was that I was not vulnerable. He told me in very clear, honest language that what he needed was to be needed. And he could see that I did not have the space for him.

He taught me that I need to open up and be receptive to men. It took me two years to hear it, but I finally did.

I began to open up and relax into being more feminine and receiving with men. I was able to look at every date as an opportunity to put my new process into practice and gather new data.

And pretty soon my conclusion was Benjamin. The study was successful.

So, here’s my question for you:

If you go back and look at your data, what does it show you? 

Are there any dates that stick out in your mind for whatever reason? Is there something there that you need to look at? Things that men have said to you repeatedly? Things that you didn’t want to hear?

Now, when you look at those things knowing that “something wrong with you” and “no good men” are not an option…here’s the real question:

What changes do you need to make to your process?

Helping women make these changes rather than staying in the pain is why I live and breathe.

If you need help finding a process that actually works, book a free call with me and let’s talk.

It can take a lifetime to figure this stuff out on your own, but my clients find the real deal in 3-6 months.

So can you. Book the call.

I look forward to connecting with you!

Yours in Nakedness,