One of the biggest mistakes I made when I dated was that I didn’t show men I was interested in them. And, if I wasn’t showing interest, there was no way to create a spark. In retrospect, I can see that I didn’t get asked out on many second dates because men couldn’t tell if I was interested in them. Is this happening to you?
Women tell me all the time that they rarely meet men they’re attracted to. I get that. We all have our preferences for what we are looking for in a man. But that might not be the only thing that’s going on. Like me, you might have walls up that are protecting you from getting hurt. When you go on dates, it might feel like you aren’t attracted to any of the men you meet, but what’s really happening is that you are walled off and protecting yourself from getting hurt again. The only men that seem to get through that wall are the ones who feel familiar and are bad for you.
It took me years to remove the wall around my own heart. For years it seemed like I just wasn’t attracted to many men, but now I can see that it was my own fear that was keeping me from opening up and connecting with them. As I have become less guarded and more comfortable with men, I find so many more of them attractive. I am not saying that all of these guys were marriage material. They weren’t. But I can now see that I wasn’t even giving them a chance.
You might really want to have a man in your life, but you need to be honest and ask yourself if you are blocked and afraid of getting hurt.
All of us have been rejected by someone we love and we are afraid of getting our hearts broken again. It might have been your parents or the kids at school who hurt you. Maybe it was a lover, a boyfriend, or an ex-husband who betrayed your trust and broke your heart. Once this happens, it isn’t easy to trust again.
The hard part about breaking this pattern is that it really seems like you are not attracted to the men you’re meeting. The only way to shift it is to start admitting that you are playing a part in this equation. You need to set an intention to be more open and playful and open on your dates. We all want an instant spark, the kind we see in the movies. But if you aren’t connecting with any of the men you meet, you need to consider that you might be blocked and take steps to initiate a connection even if it isn’t there.
This last time when I dated, I made a conscious choice to keep my heart open. I went on dates with different men, many who were not my usual type. Because I stayed open, if it wasn’t a match, it was fine. I would just tell myself that, with each date, I was one step closer to one that was.
The more different types of men I dated, the more comfortable I became with men, and the more I was able to open up.
To truly open your heart, you need to throw away your list of requirements. Sure, I still had preferences and I knew the bar was high. But the truth is, if I knew everything to look for and how to find it, I would have already found my partner.
I didn’t know what my love was going to look like. I had no idea that my husband was going to be a bodyworker. I didn’t know he was going to be divorced and drive an old vintage car and live in a rental house.
If you’ve got that list, where the man you’re looking for needs an advanced degree, must be 6’ with a full head of hair, drive a fancy car, own a home, be at the top of his field, etc……..
…you are creating an impossibility.
So open up, get interested, and most of all SHOW interest. When you show up with open space in your heart and room to be surprised, that is when the magic happens.
If you are sick and tired of floundering out there, let’s get you some help. I know it is scary to think of facing this head-on, but I can tell you that what’s on the other side for you is beyond your wildest dreams.
I made it to the other side and have spent the last 17 years in the most magical relationship, and that is what I want for every woman on the planet.
Reach out, I look forward to connecting with you!
Yours in Nakedness,