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Share Your Head BEFORE You Share Your Bed

You’re on a date and the chemistry between you is hot. So hot that you find yourself imagining what it would be like to peel that shirt right off him. Naturally, when he proposes taking the date back to his place, you don’t hesitate. After all this is what you want, right?

WRONG! I hate to break this to you but if you’re looking for a committed relationship, you need to put the brakes on when a guy proposes sex. Far too often people are jumping into bed with each other right away (Time Magazine says the average number of dates people have before having sex is 3.53) before establishing any sort of emotional connection. This leads most men to jump ship before a relationship can even get started, and it leaves women feeling used and wondering, “What the hell happened?”

“Sex Becomes the Focus”

What happened is that, by having sex too soon, you make it the focus of your relationship. Don’t let the movies fool you: sex is POWERFUL. Most of the time too powerful for a brand new relationship to withstand. Without a foundation of friendship and shared experiences to lean on, once two people who hardly know each other have sex, what little emotional connection they might have had is lost in sea of hormones and projections.  And in case you haven’t noticed, many men do an about face after you’ve had sex with them. That’s because men KNOW women want relationships. Once they’ve had sex – and there’s been no real emotional investment on their part – they’ll ghost early on because they don’t really want to deal with a commitment. Or, they’ll keep coming back for more sex and you’ll get emotionally attached.

“Separating the Good Guys From the Ones Who Only Want to Sleep With You”

So if you want to find out if that new guy is going to commit to you, one who’s as interested in getting to know what’s in your heart and mind as he is getting you into bed, you need to take sex off the table. At least for a little bit. Why? Because every guy who’s horny and attracted to you sounds the same. This means it’s impossible to tell which guys are really interested in getting to know you from the guys that just want to sleep with you. In the beginning, they’re all going to say, “Babe, you’re the most beautiful woman. I’ve never met somebody like you. You’re so amazing.” So how do you tell the difference between them? By saying no to sex and seeing who sticks around.

“You Learn How to Establish an Emotionally Naked Connection With a Man”

If you’ve been using sex as your primary way of connecting with men (which many women do), you want to put the brakes on sex so you can learn how to establish an Emotionally Naked connection first. You want to learn how to really connect at a deep emotional level so that you can open up to each other honestly and beautifully. That only works if you’re seeing each other with your clothes on… at least for awhile. It’s important to build a strong emotionally connected foundation before you have sex because then you know what you share is genuine and real, and not derived from a set of raging hormones. Getting Emotionally Naked with a man is truly the best kind of naked there is, which is why you need to hold off on getting naked naked.

“You Have to Reject Him Without Making Him Feel Rejected”

How do you that? It’s more than telling a guy that you “want to take it slow.” Even if you talk about taking things slowly, once things start to heat up, most guys will try to make a move. It’s up to you to put on the brakes. And when you do, you have to be firm, yet soft. You have to reject him without making him feel rejected.

Men are unbelievably sensitive, and they hate the idea of being rejected as much as women do. You can say to him very playfully, “Wow, you know, you are so hot, and there is nothing I’d rather do that go to bed with you, but the truth is, I’ve tried that before. It doesn’t work, so I want to take the time to get to know somebody first.” Say this in a kind way. Build his ego up, and give some genuine compliments. “You’re really hot. You’re such a great guy. I’d like to just jump into bed with you, but I know that doesn’t work.”

It’s okay to let him know there will be an opportunity for sex. But be clear that it’s not going to happen right NOW. It’s not going to happen, hopefully, until you’ve talked about exclusivity (and you’ll want to watch my video on that).

Ultimately, no one can tell you how long to wait to have sex with a man. You have to decide when the time is right. But I can tell you that it’s best to wait more than 3 or 4 dates to have sex so you can learn how to create an Emotionally Naked connection with a man. You can’t keep using sex as a way to connect because chances are, you’ll never get the type of relationship you REALLY want and deserve that way. Trust me, if I could tell my younger self this advice, I would!

Share your head before you share your bed and you will find out if this man really is as interested in your heart and mind as he is with your body. Because you deserve someone who is.

XO,

An Ode To Love

Benjamin Shield.

I met him 17 years ago. There was a time when I didn’t think it was possible to meet a man like him. Especially not for me. Given my relationship history, my destructive patterns, my epic love failures…it was hard to believe that a man like him existed or, if he did, that he would be interested in me.

But the person who sat in a Thai restaurant in Los Feliz waiting for him to arrive for our first date was a very different Lisa than the woman who had left her 13-year marriage to a pathological liar 8 years earlier.

I had done work. I had changed. I had let go.

Even though my friends told me the kind of guy I would be looking for would never date online, I decided to try it anyway. I didn’t have anything to lose. I had learned to enjoy the energy of possibility. I knew that whoever showed up, he would be a divine being who was looking to love and to be loved just like me.

And because I had learned that every date was a stepping stone to love, I knew that whatever happened was going to be okay.

As I sat there waiting patiently, Benjamin was completely freaking out.

He had gotten lost on the way to the restaurant. He couldn’t get cell reception to call, and there was no texting then. He was 20 minutes late. Benjamin, I later learned, is never late…for ANYTHING!

Finally, he managed to get enough reception to call the restaurant and asked them to put me on the phone. I had been reading The Power of Now at the time. In it, Eckart Tolle says that when someone is running late, just say, “I am sitting here in-JOY-ing myself.” So, that’s exactly what I said. Then, I added, “Take all the time you need. I will be here when you get here.”

According to Benjamin, hearing those words set him at ease.

He later told me that this was one of the two things I said that made him fall in love with me that night.

As I sat there for another 10 minutes waiting for my future husband to arrive, I had no idea my life was about to change forever.

In the meantime, I enjoyed my jasmine tea.

Benjamin’s face lit up as he spotted me. He walked to the table and took both of my hands in his. As he looked deep into my eyes, he said, “It is so nice to meet you.” But then he continued to hold my gaze a little longer… and THAT was the moment. In the “little longer” of that gaze, it occurred to me that Benjamin was the finest human being I had ever met. Anyone who knows him will tell you that he exudes a blend of integrity, kindness, presence, and masculinity that is rarely seen.

I had no idea how our lives would fit together, but I didn’t need to worry.

Being the man that he is, Benjamin took the lead on every front. He asked me to marry him on the anniversary of our first date. Shortly after that, he told me to look for a house for us. On the second anniversary of our first date, we were married in an intimate gathering in the living room of our new home.

Benjamin and I just celebrated our 15th/17th Anniversary.

Over these 17 years, we have become lovers, playmates, and best friends.

So often I hear women say, “I want a man, but I don’t need a man.” I am so proud to say that I want and need a man.

Being with the right man has turned my life from black-and-white to Technicolor. Being with him the last 17 years has been magical, and brought the gifts that only the right man can bring.

Benjamin continues to blow me away with the depths of his wisdom and kindness. As we deal with the cancer treatment of both our beloved dogs, Milo and Owen, I feel equal measures of heartbreak and gratitude.

I know that I can endure anything with Benjamin by my side.

When I marvel at how I got lucky enough to find a man who read The Fours Agreements TWICE after our first date because I mentioned that I studied with the author, I think back to that moment in the Thai restaurant.

I think about what forces were at work that allowed Benjamin and me to click. I know that it may not have happened if I had not been sitting there with an open heart. I had emptied myself of all my old patterns, blocks, and expectations.

He showed up and I was in the right space to receive him.

If you’ve read this far, you’re probably wondering what the second thing was that I said to make Benjamin fall in love with me. It was this:

I said, “You know, I’ve been working so hard on myself for the past eight years. I’m done working hard. All I want to do is find an amazing partner and have fun.”

Benjamin later told me that was the most beautiful thing any woman has ever said to him. And it was exactly what he was looking for too.

If you are done working hard and ready to get real answers that give you real results fast, let me help you.

You don’t need to spend years figuring all of this out on your own. I did it and so have hundreds of my clients.

If you’re ready to get on the fast-track to finding your Benjamin, watch my free 45-minute webinar. If you like what you hear, book a breakthrough call.

The Guardian of Your Soul is out there. I will help you find him.

Yours in Nakedness,

Feel All the Feels

Part of my mission in life is to help you to see that dating, with all of it’s ups and downs, can actually be a fun and enriching experience.

That can be hard to imagine when it feels like you are walking through an emotional minefield.

You’re doing a lot of work to put yourself out there. 

You’re flirting. You’re on the sites. Your profile is on point. You’re a good person. You’re charming. You’re funny. This is the fifth outfit you tried. 

You’re taking a risk. 

Aaaaand then you get the ghost. Or the “emotionally unavailable” reveal. Or you get involved with someone who’s not who you thought they were, and it degenerates.

Yes, that’s a pretty dramatic effort to reward imbalance. And YES, a lot of tough emotions are going to come up for you. That is the nature of dating.

There is NO WAY around that reality.

But there is a way through it, and that has its own reward.

Let’s begin.

Take a moment and accept that difficult emotions are going to come up when you are dating. 

Got it? Good.

Now, what I want you to do is make the decision to FEEL YOUR FEELINGS.

I know, that sounds awful. Stay with me.

You need to give yourself permission to just feel lousy sometimes. And I mean actively feel it. Cry. Go for a run and cry. Eat Ben n’ Jerry’s while watching Stranger Things and cry. Realize that the mind monster reminds you of your mother. And cry.

Do what you need to do, but get it OUT.

Don’t deny it. Don’t hold onto it. Feel it and let it go.

If you don’t feel your feelings when they arise, they will build up and sabotage you. Without you even knowing it’s happening.

Say you get emotionally triggered by a rejection. What’s important to know is that the emotions coming up aren’t just from that rejection. 

It’s bringing up feelings from all of your rejections going all the way back in time.

The time your high school boyfriend kissed your best friend, or the time you didn’t get picked for the cheerleading squad, or your Dad always praising your siblings and not you.

These emotions are still hanging out in the basement because they didn’t get dealt with at the time that they happened. 

They want attention, so they hijack you and pull you back into the past and try to convince you that the past is the present.

When you get pulled out of the present moment, you abandon yourself and forget who you are. You feel like you have no control, and spiral into helplessness and hopelessness.

When you can bring yourself back into the present moment and feel your feelings as they arise, you can separate what happened in the past from what’s happening now.

And what’s happening now is that you are a grown woman who is fabulously deserving of love who is having some intense feelings.

At which point you proceed to have the sh*t out of those feelings…and when you’re done, you put on your big girl briefs and charge on.

Here are some ways that you can wrangle the feels when they start to take you over.

Meditate

I use a meditation technique with my clients where I ask them to talk to their Higher Self.

You can think of this as the you that has always been or the future you that you are becoming. 

It’s like when people get asked the question, “What would you say to your 8-year-old self?”- only you ask ‘future you’ what she would say to you now.

Take some time and really try to connect with this beautiful, wise part of yourself and let her guide you.

Free Form Writing

You can process some serious emotion with a good, old-fashioned pen-to-paper brain dump. Bitch, rave, rant, moan, go to town. But get it ALL OUT. Then, once you feel an emotional shift where you start to feel better, be done. Finally, now that you’ve gotten all of that nastiness out of your brain, get rid of it! Delete it, burn it, put it in the recycling. DO NOT GO BACK AND READ IT. Ever. It is over and done, do not let it back in your head.

Reach out to Friends

Yaaasss girl. Nothing can help to transmute your crappy feelings faster than an actual pity party.  Having someone witness and acknowledge you when you are feeling low is a great way to process. Especially if it’s a person that has what you want because they can remind you that it’s possible. They can encourage you and help you work through your blocks. And a person that knows you well can remind you who you are.

Find a Community of Like-minded Women

In my private coaching group, Emotionally Naked Dating, women of all ages come together to support and inspire each other as they look for love. The power of a group of women beautifully supporting each other on this journey is incredibly healing and transformative.

These are just a few of the things you can do to begin to support yourself through the emotional ups and downs of dating. One thing you don’t want to do is allow your negative feelings to accumulate and cause you to start pushing good men away.

The journey out of anxiety and hurtful patterns in dating takes work. It can be difficult to do on your own.

This free 45-minute webinar explains how my program breaks the cycle of painful dating, gives you back your power, and gets incredible results fast.

If you like what you hear, let’s jump on a call and make a plan for your success. 

Book your free call, and let me show you how to make your own reward.

Yours in Nakedness,

Stop Overreacting and Pushing Men Away

I want to share four actions you can take to stop your reactivity from spiraling out of control and sabotaging your dating.

We all know dating can bring up our deepest, darkest insecurities, whether we like it or not. Looking for love triggers trust issues, abandonment issues, and feelings of inadequacy. Can’t these things just lay dormant and stay dormant? Nope. It’s almost as if dating was designed to push our buttons and expose our weaknesses.

All women have expectations about the kinds of behaviors we would like to see from men. If they could get the memo and stop doing this stuff, dating would be so much easier, right? Like if they would put some thought into planning a date. If they would confirm with us the day before. If they would be chivalrous and pay for dinner it would make things SO much easier. It’s so obvious to us. Why don’t they just get it?

Well, the truth is that men and women are different. Very different. Not only that, every person is different. We were all raised in different families with different belief systems. Each of us have our own rules about what’s acceptable and unacceptable to us. What’s right for me might be wrong for you.

Since none of us are operating with the same set of rules, it seems inevitable that men will disappoint us. When this happens, you are going to get upset. When you take their behavior personally — which you will — dating becomes difficult. When men disappoint us, we can spiral into hopelessness and helplessness. We start to feel unworthy and like there’s something wrong with us. And it becomes harder and harder to date.

Let’s say that you are communicating with a guy that you like a lot. You’ve spent several hours talking to him on the phone and he seems so promising. You set a date, and not only does he not keep the date, but he doesn’t even write to you to let you know that he’s not going to show. You are pissed. Really pissed. Suddenly, you’ve gone from thinking, “Man, this guy’s a jerk. I can’t believe this happened!” to “All men are jerks. This is what they all do. I’m never going to meet somebody!”

So, if there’s no way to go through the dating experience without getting triggered or upset, what’s a woman to do? Before you decide that the entire male population sucks, here are four things to consider before giving up or giving him a piece of your mind.

  1. Everything starts with a breath. Before you react, pause and take a breath. This will ground you and put you back in your body.

  2. Think about the totality of the relationship and not just that one moment in time. If you just started communicating with this person, the two of you might not have a huge history. Still, it isn’t fair to judge someone by the worst thing they’ve done. We’re all human and we make mistakes. Sometimes we get so hurt that it’s easy to only focus on the negative. So, go back to some of the positive things that transpired between you. And remember that there was a real connection. You felt it. You know he felt it. Maybe he had a change of heart. Maybe his life circumstances changed. But that connection was real. It was not your imagination.

  3. Wait until you can find even one humorous thing about the situation. Try to remember something good that transpired between the two of you. You might say, ”Oh well. I got ghosted. Everybody gets ghosted. Whatever.” But find something that you can laugh about, like, “Oh well. His loss. I am so fabulous. He’s going to regret this, but, whatever.” Anything that allows you to just step back and have a little bit of levity, a little bit of humor about the situation.

  4. Ask yourself, “Will my words bring us closer together or further apart?” You might decide to reach out and tell this guy how you feel. I urge my clients to speak up. It’s not good to leave things open-ended. I want my clients to close the loop so they don’t keep spinning out and losing energy over a situation. When you get hurt and you don’t feel that you can say something, those feelings can accumulate and drag you down. Or, you can use these opportunities to practice setting boundaries and speaking up for yourself.

    When my clients message a ghoster, they get some amazing responses back. They really do. Even if they don’t want to see him again, nine times out of ten they get a response and walk away feeling better.

    So you need to ask yourself, “Will my words bring us closer together or further apart?” If you’re going to lash out and say, “I can’t believe you did that. What a jerk. Goodbye and good riddance,” you might as well not send that message. You may feel better at the moment, but it’s not going to bring you to higher ground.

    It would be better to say, “Hey, I thought that we were connecting. I felt sad when you didn’t let me know that we weren’t getting together on Friday. I had been looking forward to that. Clearly, we’re not a match, but I wish you all the best in your search.” There you go. That’s a lovely response. It allows you to exit the situation with a certain amount of dignity. Not only that, you aren’t left thinking, “Wow, there’s another guy that walked all over me and didn’t care about me and my feelings.”

So the four things, let’s go over them again. Take a breath. Remind yourself everything starts with a breath. Then, think about the totality of the relationship and not just that moment in time. Wait until you can think of the tiniest thing that’s humorous or positive about the situation. And then, before you write to this person, ask yourself, “Will my words bring us closer together or further apart?” Easy peasy, right?

If you’d like to know more about how to take the pain, confusion and wasted time out of your soulmate search, click here to watch my webinar. 

You can also set up a complimentary breakthrough call and I will personally tell you how my method can work for you. 

There’s no such thing as dating insurance, but if you’re ready to stop getting injured, I’m the next best thing. 

Don’t wait around for chance. Together we can make it happen. 

Nakedly Yours,

Keep Your Side of the Street Clean

Hey Naked Daters! 

You’ve probably heard me talk about radical responsibility. Yup, I’m gonna talk about it again. And probably a few more times.

I cannot exaggerate the importance of really embracing personal responsibility. 

If you are not getting what you want in life, love, or whatever else is failing you, making that shift is the absolute biggest game-changer out there.

This is especially true in the dating world. 

And, it’s not an easy thing to do on your own, because most of us are the walking wounded. You take this pain that is left from old relationships and carry it around with you. 

And because old pain wants to be heard, it intrudes on your current relationships, and it tries to get resolution there. When it doesn’t, it creates new pain. And so on, and so on, and so on.

If you’re striking out with guys and you keep blaming the men, it’s time to take another look at the situation.  

Because here is the bottom line: you’re the common denominator in all of your relationships.

When I was trying to work out issues with my ex-husband, all we did was trigger each other. It was miserable and a constant struggle.

What I learned from all of that pain we inflicted on each other was this:

“I had been focusing on what was wrong with HIM so I didn’t have to take responsibility for how my own life was working.”

When I began dating again after my divorce, I decided I was going to work through all my ‘stuff’ so I wouldn’t put it on another partner. I wanted to go in free and clear so we could just have fun. Besides, why would I want to be with the kind of emotionally unevolved partner who would let me put my stuff on him?

Once I made that shift to taking radical responsibility, everything changed.

I became less reactive and defensive. I stopped taking things personally. I began to care for myself and give myself what I needed.

If I got upset, I dealt with it on my own by allowing myself to feel my feelings. I would ask myself, “Lisa, what’s going on inside of you? What story are you creating? What do you need to give yourself?”

The more I practiced taking responsibility for my own emotions and keeping my side of the street clean, the more my relationships began to change. My relationship with my father, my brother, myself…

…and with the men that I started to meet.

I started to attract a whole different caliber of man because I was no longer codependent and playing the victim. By the time I met my husband, I had healed at a deep level and let go of much of my reactivity.

And when you take all that baggage out of a relationship, there is so much more space for connecting, naked soul to naked soul.

Learning to take responsibility for myself and keep my side of the street clean was an invaluable part of becoming the woman I am today and attracting a guardian of my soul. It isn’t easy to do this work on your own. I know because I had great mentors and teachers along the way who guided me, in the same way, I can help guide you. 

In my free 45-minute webinar, I’ll show you my foolproof formula that my smart, courageous, successful female clients use to destroy blocks and find love FAST.

Click here to book a free, one-hour breakthrough session, and I will tell you how I can also do this for YOU. 

Spots fill up fast, so book now to hold your slot.

Let’s connect!  I know you want to 😉

Yours in Nakedness,

How Many Summers Do You Have?

Living in Los Angeles, the land of eternal summer, it’s easy to forget that real summers go by in a heartbeat.

I always know summer has arrived when it’s cherry season. I love cherries. So when my husband’s assistant surprised me with a bag the other day…

…I knew summer was officially on.

I also knew that every day that goes by is one day less I can eat cherries until summer comes again.

There’s a great scene in the movie ‘Rumble Fish’ where Tom Waits’ character says to himself, “Time is a funny thing. Time is a very peculiar item. You see when you’re young, you’re a kid, you got time, you got nothing but time. Throw away a couple of years, a couple of years there… it doesn’t matter. You know. The older you get you say, ‘Jesus, how much I got? I got thirty-five summers left.’ Think about it. Thirty-five summers.”

When I first talk to women who are struggling to find love, one of the hardest things to get them in touch with is the realness of time.

Whether your 34 or 84, time is of the absolute essence.

Recently, I had a call with a woman named Donna and I said, “Donna, you’re 50.”

“Yes, but I feel great and everybody tells me that I look 10 years younger!”

I said, “That’s wonderful, but I really want you to think about how much time you have to spend with the love of your life once you find him.”

“Well…probably 35 or 40 good years if I’m lucky.”

To that, I said, “Now, I want you to think about that in terms of summers. How does it feel when you say, ‘I have 35 summers left to spend with the love of my life?’

Donna was dumbfounded. “Oh…wow,” she said, “when you put it like that…”

Here’s the realness: it doesn’t matter how young you look or feel. The time you have left is ALL the time you have left.

So you have to really ask yourself whether you want to spend that time flailing around in dating purgatory or if you ready to finally get this thing solved.

Do you want to keep wasting more precious time reading self-help books, listening to podcasts, and watching YouTube videos blindly searching for answers…

OR are you ready to get real help from an expert who can give you the answer RIGHT NOW?

It’s so easy to let time get away from you. But trust me, once you find that real, deep, guardian of your soul love, you will want to savor every single second of it.

If you watch my webinar, you will see the secret weapons my clients use to bypass the time-sucking vortex of fruitless dating…

…and go straight for the cherries.

When your heart says YES, you can schedule your free breakthrough call, and you and I will make this happen.

I spent an entire decade chipping away at the inner workings of the art of finding love. I did that so that you don’t have to.

Don’t leave this most important part of your life up to random chance.

Don’t let another summer slip through your fingers.

You simply don’t have that kind of time.

The cherries are ripe RIGHT NOW!!

Let’s get this done.

Nakedly Yours,

How to Make a Man Feel Like a Man

One of the worst feelings in dating, and in life for that matter, is “not knowing what happened.

I know you’ve been there…

…you’re in a relationship with a guy you really like, and all of a sudden he ends it without an explanation.

OR..

…you’ve just started dating someone and it’s magic. You’re all aflutter. Then, he stops calling and answering your texts.

You spend the next week on your sofa under a slanket crying to a friend, “I just don’t understand!!!”

It would almost be better if he just said, “you’re too fat/thin/boring/needy, etc.” Because at least you could just call him an asshole until the bottle is empty and be done with it.

But instead, you compose an intricate laundry-list of your personal failings. Now you have endless possibilities to ruminate on, and continue to do so for the next six months.

Or longer.

But think about this:

Wouldn’t it be amazing to know that if a man isn’t interested in you, it’s because you simply didn’t make him feel the way he wanted to feel?

And wouldn’t it be even more amazing to know beforehand, EXACTLY HOW TO DO THAT??

Here’s something you need to know about men. They allo suffer from something called Imposter Syndrome. It’s very difficult for women to understand this because it completely goes against our view of what makes a man a man. Most women falsely believe that men are strong and confident and they don’t need women to tell they how great they are. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Imposter Syndrome is a psychological pattern in which a person doubts their accomplishments. They think any success is a result of “luck” and live in fear of being exposed as a fraud.

One could argue that both men and women worry about being exposed as a fake. But it hits men differently, and it hits men harder. Largely because the societal expectations for men are completely different. Just like women are erroneously taught that our self-worth is based on our physical appearance, men are taught that theirs is based on what they achieve.

A recent study at Youngstown State University shined new light on why Imposter Syndrome is so damaging to men. (Gazdag, B., & Badawy, R. L., [2018].  Personality and Individual Differences.)

The study gave a test to male and female students, and then told ALL of them that they got the first 5 questions wrong. They also told them that they were going to report those results to their professors.

When given the test again after negative feedback, the women performed better. 

The men, on the other hand, performed worse.  In addition, they had terrible anxiety about their failure being reported to others.

Hmmmmm…..interesting.

So here’s the golden key ladies: men have a harder time internalizing their accomplishments than we do. That’s why we need to help them.

We need to ACKNOWLEDGE our man’s strengths and accomplishments. 

A man wants to see a version of himself reflected in your eyes that makes him feel like a REAL MAN. 

You can’t just go at men demanding to get your needs met or try to fast-track things by over-acknowledging his nether regions. 

If you want a man to crave your company, you have to know how to mirror him in a way that makes him feel like who he wants to be.

Once my clients embody this shift, they no longer take it personally if the guy moves on. They know they’re giving a man what he needs. If he isn’t responsive, he’s not The One.

But even better, once they begin to appreciate men and are able to meet them where they are…

…they begin to attract AMAZING MEN. 

And once they begin to relate to men on this deeper level, their whole lives change. 

Twelve of my clients got married last year. 

Some of them had never had a successful relationship. 

That’s the magic of my Naked Dating program. And that’s the magic that can happen for you. 

In my free 45-minute webinar, I’ll take you through all five of the essential shifts my clients make to find love so fast they can hardly believe it. 

The work I do with them in a matter of months would take you ten years to do on your own…and the black hole of fruitless is no place to retire. 

I want to save you from the drudgery of dating and get you on the fast track to the real thing. 

Click here to schedule a free one-hour breakthrough call.

Once I tell you about how I can make a foolproof plan for you, you will never have to ask, “What happened?” again.

The only question you will be asking is, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?”

Space fills up fast, so book your call now. 

Let’s get this thing done so you can start living the life of your dreams with the partner of your dreams!

Yours in Nakedness,

Taking Personal Responsibility When Dating

If you follow me, you know I like expressions. I feel like deconstructing them provides insight into patterns of human behavior.

One of my favorites of late is put the fish on the table.

People use this saying without really knowing what it means, myself included. I had to look it up. Turns out it comes from an old Sicilian fisherman. The explanation is this: 

If you hide a fish under the table, it will rot and start to stink.

If you put the fish on the table, you can cook it, eat it, and be done with it. 

What that means is that when we are in conflict, the only way to resolve it is to get to the root of the problem by dealing with it openly. If you try to hide it and ignore it, the problem will just fester and get worse.

If you’re looking for a meaningful and lasting relationship but find that you keep ending up in the same old conflicts, it’s time to look under your table and take ownership of what might be rotting under there. 

Our external reality is a manifestation of our internal reality. This means your thoughts, your choices, your beliefs have created the situation you’re in. If you’re ready to get seriously intentional about WHAT you want to manifest, you need to start by taking 100% personal responsibility for how you to where you are right now. 

This doesn’t mean blaming yourself or punishing yourself for past mistakes or blaming OTHER people for your own unhappiness.  It means that you take 100% ownership for the outcome of your choices.

If you are blaming other people for your unhappiness, that’s like keeping fish under the table, and when the other person says, It means taking ownership for the outcome of your choices. “What stinks?” you say “It’s your breath.” 

If you don’t know that you have fish under the table and you think the other person is the problem, you might easily get into trying to fix or change THEM. Anyone who has ever tried this approach knows it never works. Focusing on trying to change someone else is ultimately just a way to just to avoid looking at yourself.

If you want your life to change, you must first look at what is within your power to change: yourself.

When I started dating again after my divorce, I was not attracting the kind of quality men that I wanted to. And because I was also doing all this spiritual work, I was learning that radical responsibility is at the root of transformation.

So, I began to apply this principle to love.

And that’s when everything began to change.  

I’m not going to lie, it was daunting! As I started to own the mistakes I was making, I definitely went down before I went up. But once I got over the initial discomfort of asking myself what sucked about me, it was tremendously liberating. Once I put my own fish on the table, I was no longer being sabotaged by what I was hiding from myself.

I’ll be completely honest here. I found some nasty fish rotting under my table. I realized that I was judgmental, insecure, competitive, and defensive. I was a drama queen and I was blaming other people for my unhappiness. I was doing plenty that was not at all attractive.

But once I was able to look at all of those things, I got to decide who I really wanted to be. And that was empowering as hell.

The more I was able to do this work on the inside, the more dramatically my life changed on the outside. The more I was able to become who I wanted to meet, the more open, genuine, and positive my interactions with men became.

When I met Benjamin, I knew he was the real deal because I had dreamed him up so vividly from within my own heart.

That’s how powerful these kinds of shifts can be.  

I talk to women every day who are ready to give up on finding love, but I also saw twelve of my clients get married last year.  And just yesterday two more of my clients messaged me saying they got engaged and are getting married this month!

 If you ready to own your sh*t and break this painful cycle so you can find epic love, watch my life-changing 45-minute webinar and then let’s jump on a call.

Let’s get you on the fast track to THE ONE.

Because if you don’t do something fast, those fish are going to just get stinkier and nobody wants that. 

I look forward to connecting with you!

Nakedly yours,

Writing a Love Letter to Your Future Soulmate

When my clients first start working with me, the very first thing I have them do is write a love letter to their future soulmate and read it aloud everyday to help them stay passionately connected to their vision.

When you’re out in the dating world, it can feel impossible to stay positive and to keep yourself dating even when you’re not getting the results you desire. By writing and reading a love letter, you’re reminding to yourself — and sending a message to the Universe — that you mean business. This letter serves as your written testament that, no matter how long it takes, you believe your future soulmate is out there and you will keep going until you find him.

Your letter is an integral step in manifesting love. After all, everything we do is energetic, meaning we are surrounded by a world that is created by our vibrations, so it’s vital to harness that powerful energy to help create the love you desire.

Speak From Your Heart

The best way to write your love letter is the traditional way, with pen and paper. It doesn’t need to be more than a paragraph or two. You want to write it from the depth of your heart and speak directly to the man of your dreams, expressing your innermost hopes and desires. You could say something like, “I just know you’re out there. I can feel it in my soul. I’m not stopping until I find you and I know that you’re out there looking for me.”

Envision Your Life Together

Imagine this person. What does he look like? How does he smell? How does it feel to be in his arms? Envision your life together. How is your relationship like? Do you laugh a lot? Do you enjoy cooking dinner together? Describe your honeymoon. Where do you travel? What does your home life look like? Do you have children or a house filled with pets? Let your imagination paint the picture of the relationship of your dreams. There is nothing off-limits here.

How It Works

Your subconscious mind does not know the difference between something that actually happened and a vivid fantasy. For example, your subconscious doesn’t know if you actually went to India or you just read a book about it. All your subconscious knows is that you’re thinking and dreaming of India. A lot. And because you are thinking about India, you will start to you will start to tune in to things in your everyday life, like an Indian restaurant in your neighborhood that you never noticed before.

So just imagine what will happen when you start filling your subconscious mind with all of the wonderful images of your future husband that you described in your letter. When you go out into the world, all those qualities and attributes that you are looking for in a soulmate are what you’ll be automatically tuning into without even realizing it!

It Sends a Clear Signal to the Universe

Writing a letter that perfectly encapsulates your future soulmate is your signal to the Universe that says, “This is who I want!” If you don’t clearly know what you want, then how can you expect the Universe to deliver your greatest desire? After all, everything starts with an idea. You must know what it is that you want before you go online shopping, or you could end up with a lot of random stuff that you just don’t need –or want. The same thing happens when you “order” from the Universe. Be clear about who you want before you press “send.” There is just one thing I caution you against. I would not get too specific about your future soulmate physical attributes. It is enough to say that he is very handsome and we are wildly attracted to each other. You don’t want to box yourself in with too many specifics because he might surprise you.

Infuse it With Passion

Once you’re clear about what you want, you must infuse your vision with passion. Focus on your soulmate as if he’s living and breathing right in front of you; by doing so, you’re breathing life into him. You’re making them real and tangible. That’s how you will manifest him.

Once you’ve written your letter, read it aloud every single day. Start believing that he’s out there and start tuning your perception into this man so that you can draw him to you.

It Works

While some of you might think this process seems a little hokey, I can assure you — it works. I know because I wrote my own letter when I started dating.

When I did this exercise, I envisioned my future husband and me living and working at home together with our two dogs. My vision was very different from what I was doing at the time.  Then, I was importing from Mexico and Vietnam and traveling to trade shows to sell my product line. I didn’t know that I would become a dating coach, but I felt that there was something else I was meant to be doing.  And guess what? That is exactly what happened. I married the man of my dreams, and everything in my letter came true. We both work from home — he has his studio in our garage and I have my office in the house and we are there together with our two dogs, Milo and Owen, all day long! Either I’m just really a lucky person, or that letter worked.

So even if you think it’s silly, I suggest you give it a try!

XO,