Your Career Is NOT Your Most Attractive Asset

A big question for many single women today is, “Does my career intimidate men?” Most men aren’t intimidated by a successful woman, but they aren’t going to be attracted to you because of your career either. A man will respect your accomplishments, but that isn’t going to make him want to date you. I am not saying you should dumb yourself down or feel ashamed because you’re successful, but your success won’t make you more dateable.

In contrast, women see men as protectors and providers which makes a man’s career part of what attracts us to him. Especially if you are going to have a family, it’s important to find a man you can count on financially. While you might be happy to contribute to the overall economic well being of your relationship, I am pretty sure you don’t want a man to see you as HIS provider because, if he does, chances are he will want to YOU to support HIM.

Role Reversal

In theory, there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with a woman supporting a man, but it rarely works out in the long run. Why? Because it feels emasculating to most men. A large part of why men work to make money and climb the ladder of success --  so that THEY can attract the hottest women. THEY want to be able to impress US with what they they can offer.

Just as women know that their beauty and femininity play a huge role in attracting a man, men know that their success plays a major part in attracting a woman. So, when a woman is super successful, a man feels like he has nothing to offer her that she doesn’t already have. He won’t  feel like he has anything to give you that you can’t give to yourself, he won’t feel like he has anything of value to contribute to your life or to the relationship.

Wanting vs. Needing Someone

In order to feel like a man in your eyes, he needs to feel like you need him. A lot of women say, “But I WANT a man, even if I don’t need one.” Wanting and needing someone are very different. You might want a chocolate chip cookie, but you don’t need it. You could take it or leave it. It’s not the end of the world. But love, food, oxygen… those are things you need. When you need a man, he feels like he’s an essential part of your life.

Romantic relationships are all about getting our mutual needs met.  A man will protect and provide for you and, in return, he will want you to nurture and comfort him. This might sound very old-fashioned, but when all is said and done, in a romantic relationship, there needs to be some sort of trade-off. The beauty of a relationship between a man and woman is that, each sex brings a unique kind of love and support to our partner. When we think of feminine qualities, empathy, compassion and nurturance come to mind. When we think of masculine qualities, we think of protectiveness, integrity, strength and courage.

What men and women offer each other is different but in valuable. In the same way you need to feel that you offer something unique to your partner that he can’t easily get elsewhere, he needs to feel the same way.

Men Want to Be Our Superheros

Being too self-sufficient as a woman isn’t attractive to most men. Why do you think they make all those superhero movies? Because most men fantasize about being the hero and rescue the beautiful damsel in distress.  That is EVERY man’s fantasy. They want to be our hero, and they do that by impressing us with how strong, capable and successful they are. Men live to see the smile on our faces and how we light up because of all the amazing things they do for us.

Right now you are probably thinking, “So, Lisa, what I hear you saying is that I am suppose to give up my career so I can be more attractive to a man?” No. That’s not what I am saying at all. There are lots of successful women who have fabulous husbands -- myself included -- but these women understand how to not be intimidating or emasculating to their man.

How can you be one of them?

Be Vulnerable

You need to show a man that you need him. If you're having a hard day at work, come home and say, "Babe, could you just cuddle with me on the sofa? I just need you to put your arms around me." Or, "I just want you to hold me."

Ask For His Advice

Don't pretend like you have it all figured out. Even if you do, there are things that men offer women in relationships that we can't get from other women or even give ourselves. Male perspective is very different than female perspective. Ask for his input on things and give him a chance to impress you with who he is and how he looks at life.

Be in Touch With Your Femininity

Don't come home with that corporate attitude. When you walk in the door and your guy comes home, leave your job behind. Walk in the house with a "Hey babe,” put on your sexy, and be feminine.

Make Him Feel Like Top Dog

You have to understand how men think and operate. You've got to mirror his masculinity back to him and let him feel like he’s top dog. As women, we tend to talk more than the average man. We love to share about what’s going on in our world, which means we can share a lot about what’s happening at work. You want to be sure to ask about what HIS work and be genuinely interested and impressed with what he's doing.

Be Happy and Passionate

There's nothing worse than a woman who's stressed out and constantly complains about her job. That can be a real turnoff to a guy. But if you LOVE your job, it can be a real turn on. Men appreciate happy women who are passionate about their work.

While your career is certainly something to be proud of, it’s not a selling point when it comes to romance. You don’t want to be supporting a man as much as he doesn’t want to be supported by you. Leave your career at the door and make him feel like top dog in your relationship, and you’ll be able to able to find a relationship that is worth way more than a title and a paycheck.

XO,


Lisa Shield