One of my favorite things is to hear comedians riff about dating online. It seems to be a popular topic in comedy these days and for good reason. After all, it’s almost 2020. I think it’s safe to say that online dating has become an established social norm. Its pros and cons are widely relatable. And if comedy really equals truth plus pain, there is plenty of material.
So many women who are struggling in the dating world tell me, “Lisa, I tried online dating and it just doesn’t work for me.” For many of them, online dating is truly painful. I get it. I know why they think it doesn’t work. They open an account, throw a few random pictures up. They have a girlfriend help them with their profile. They pick a few guys that sound witty and they have some things in common with. Then, they proceed to spend two or five or ten years meeting the wrong men before they finally throw in the towel.
Like I said, I get it. Guilty. Been there. Bought the T-shirt.
If you want to wear a T-Shirt that says, “I am completely over online dating,” be my guest. We might finally know who Banksy is. But for those of us who are less avant-garde, here’s a truth bomb:
Telling yourself that online dating “just doesn’t work for you” is bullshit. And I mean that in the most elegant and loving way: Bull. Shit.
If something doesn’t work for you, you can’t blame the thing. You have to take a look at how you’re doing the thing.
Just because you’re an amazing catch, you’re a wicked, smart, successful, badass, AND a bag o’chips, it doesn’t necessarily mean that after a lifetime of struggling to find a good man, you are going to post a dating profile and instantly meet your prince. That would be nice but…
Let’s think this through together. Whatever it is you’re awesome at, you had to study how to do it. You invested time and money learning how to do that thing and do it well. If you’re a doctor, lawyer, a director of HR, an investment banker, a hair stylist, a life coach, a therapist… you didn’t just wake up one day and say, “Hum, I think I will be a (fill in the blank).” There was a learning curve in there somewhere.
It’s the same thing with dating. Some of you have a terrible history of relationships. Others have never had one. Still, so many people approach online dating like it is some instant, magical portal to The One. More often than not, it doesn’t work that way. You have to be patient and know what you’re doing.
So, here are just a few of the more common mistakes I see people make when dating online:
THEY DON’T GET PROFESSIONAL PHOTOS
When I say this to people, they’ll laugh and say, “Yeah but I want to look like who I really am.” The truth of the matter is, if your pictures aren’t captivating, men will scroll right past you. You have to stand out. A good professional photographer will know how to light you and get your most flattering angles. She will also know how to bring out your personality and make you shine. You want to look like your best self, but you also want to show a little bit of your soul. And for that, you need a pro. Next to hiring a love coach, getting professional photos is the best investment you can make for dating.
THEY DON’T HAVE A PROFESSIONAL PROFILE
Most of you were having your girlfriends help you write profiles, right? Because they know you, and they love you, and that’s great. But they’re not professionals… and they are not men. You want your profile to speak to the heart of the kind of man you want. In order to do that, you need to be able to think like that man.
If you’re not working with a dating coach, at least spend some time researching online. There are tons of discussions, templates, and even professional profile writers that you can hire. However you do it, keep your target audience in mind and write it to him.
THEY DON’T READ BETWEEN THE LINES
There’s an art to being able to read other people’s profiles. You need to be able to read the text beneath the text to know whether somebody is right for you. Maybe you can tell that he’s funny and you have a lot in common. But can you tell if he’s a player, a narcissist, or a liar? You have to know how to analyze these profiles. Knowing how to do this will help save you tremendous time and heartache.
There is a method to every aspect of dating. Sure, some people get lucky. But why would you leave something so important to chance? You invested in yourself to get where you are in your professional life, why wouldn’t you do the same for your love life? Why would you spend more precious years of your life spinning your wheels when there are experts who can help you?
If you’re struggling, feeling like nothing you’ve been doing is working, and don’t know what else to try, I can help. You don’t want to miss out on the most beautiful part of life. I help people navigate all of the painful, difficult, messy aspects of dating and walk them through every step of the process. Most of my clients find love in 6 to 12 months.
Do something amazing for yourself and let me show you how I can do this for you. There’s a FREE one-hour Breakthrough Session with your name on it, all you have to do is click here. You can also join my Facebook group ‘Dating Without Drama’ or follow me on Instagram to become a part of the conversation.
In the meantime, go watch some comedy. You’re beautiful when you laugh.
I look forward to connecting with you!