Most of us have a long list of traits that we’re looking for in a partner, from general traits – smart, funny, kind – to specific skills – loves to cook, likes to travel, likes dogs. But what are the most important qualities to prioritize in a man if you want to have a happy and successful relationship?

From my sixteen years of coaching, this is what I’ve discovered to be the top five qualities to look for in a man.

He’s a Man’s Man

Not to be confused with a boy in a man’s body, I’m talking about a real man. The kind of man who commands the space around him. The kind of man who’s strong, confident, and secure. And you can tell he possesses all these mature and masculine characteristics by the way he carries himself. He knows how to take action no matter what life throws at him. He’s decisive, and comfortable with taking charge of any situation. His protective and proactive nature makes you feel so safe and secure with him. You just know he will take care of you. That’s what I mean by a real man.

His Words and Actions Align

You want a man who talks the talk, meaning his words and actions match up. He doesn’t just say he’ll do something and then not follow through. No. The man you want doesn’t make up excuses. When he sets up a date with you, he makes sure it’s going to happen. He’s the doer and the planner of the relationship. He’s not just saying things to please you or get you into bed. He’s making sure that he’s coming through for you because he’s insistent on making the relationship build and work with you. You can trust that he means what he says because he comes through everytime.

He’s Done His Inner Work

The third thing that is going to separate the boys from the men is the psychological or spiritual work that your man has done. This means your ideal man has dug deep inside himself psychologically. He’s tried to make sense of his past, including his childhood trauma or any existing wounds, in order to figure out where he is today, why he’s the way he is, and how he can become more of an evolved and healed person. You also want a man who’s also done some spiritual work, which is more soul-related. Meaning he’s examined his purpose in life, as well as his connection with the Universe. He understands there’s something greater out there and consistently taps into it for guidance.

He’s Financially Reliable

The fact is, money is, and always will be, important in a relationship. Because of the control and power that money has on what we can or cannot have or do, like it or not, it does influence our romantic lives. You want a man who has money. You don’t want to be the woman stuck with the check time and again. It’s okay to pay for stuff sometimes, but you want to be treated, and wined and dined. You don’t want to worry whether or not your man can pay the bills. Besides, when a man can’t treat or provide for his woman, he tends not to feel great about himself, which doesn’t bode well for a healthy and balanced relationship. That’s why you want a man who’s able to pay his own way, and then some.

He’s Your Greatest Teacher

Lastly, but certainly not lastly, you want a man who’s your greatest teacher. Men love to talk about the things you know and they like to teach us things, which can be a powerful experience if you let it be so. Because you want someone who can expand your world and helps you to see things in a different and more beautiful way. My husband, Benjamin, for example, is a beautiful human being who lives a very principled life, so in many ways, he’s been my greatest teacher. In fact, recently I was going through some challenges, some growing pains in my life and I consulted my husband several times on some things that I really needed his input on. And, I was stunned by how beautifully insightful, and how wise this man is. So, you want your life experience to be profoundly transformed because of the relationship you share with your man.

So, there you have it: my five qualities to look for in a man. While there might be other factors that show later in relationships, like how they deal with conflicts, I really do believe these are the top qualities to look for in a man when it comes to having a beautiful, giving, and secure relationship.