Taking Personal Responsibility When Dating

 

If you follow me, you know I like expressions. I feel like deconstructing them provides insight into patterns of human behavior.

One of my favorites of late is put the fish on the table.

People use this saying without really knowing what it means, myself included. I had to look it up. Turns out it comes from an old Sicilian fisherman. The explanation is this: 

If you hide a fish under the table, it will rot and start to stink.

If you put the fish on the table, you can cook it, eat it, and be done with it. 

What that means is that when we are in conflict, the only way to resolve it is to get to the root of the problem by dealing with it openly. If you try to hide it and ignore it, the problem will just fester and get worse.

If you’re looking for a meaningful and lasting relationship but find that you keep ending up in the same old conflicts, it’s time to look under your table and take ownership of what might be rotting under there. 

Our external reality is a manifestation of our internal reality. This means your thoughts, your choices, your beliefs have created the situation you’re in. If you’re ready to get seriously intentional about WHAT you want to manifest, you need to start by taking 100% personal responsibility for how you to where you are right now. 

This doesn’t mean blaming yourself or punishing yourself for past mistakes or blaming OTHER people for your own unhappiness.  It means that you take 100% ownership for the outcome of your choices.

If you are blaming other people for your unhappiness, that’s like keeping fish under the table, and when the other person says, It means taking ownership for the outcome of your choices. “What stinks?” you say “It’s your breath.” 

If you don’t know that you have fish under the table and you think the other person is the problem, you might easily get into trying to fix or change THEM. Anyone who has ever tried this approach knows it never works. Focusing on trying to change someone else is ultimately just a way to just to avoid looking at yourself.

If you want your life to change, you must first look at what is within your power to change: yourself.

When I started dating again after my divorce, I was not attracting the kind of quality men that I wanted to. And because I was also doing all this spiritual work, I was learning that radical responsibility is at the root of transformation.

So, I began to apply this principle to love.

And that’s when everything began to change.  

I’m not going to lie, it was daunting! As I started to own the mistakes I was making, I definitely went down before I went up. But once I got over the initial discomfort of asking myself what sucked about me, it was tremendously liberating. Once I put my own fish on the table, I was no longer being sabotaged by what I was hiding from myself.

I’ll be completely honest here. I found some nasty fish rotting under my table. I realized that I was judgmental, insecure, competitive, and defensive. I was a drama queen and I was blaming other people for my unhappiness. I was doing plenty that was not at all attractive.

But once I was able to look at all of those things, I got to decide who I really wanted to be. And that was empowering as hell.

The more I was able to do this work on the inside, the more dramatically my life changed on the outside. The more I was able to become who I wanted to meet, the more open, genuine, and positive my interactions with men became.

When I met Benjamin, I knew he was the real deal because I had dreamed him up so vividly from within my own heart.

That’s how powerful these kinds of shifts can be.  

I talk to women every day who are ready to give up on finding love, but I also saw twelve of my clients get married last year.  And just yesterday two more of my clients messaged me saying they got engaged and are getting married this month!

 If you ready to own your sh*t and break this painful cycle so you can find epic love, watch my life-changing 45-minute webinar and then let’s jump on a call.

Let’s get you on the fast track to THE ONE.

Because if you don’t do something fast, those fish are going to just get stinkier and nobody wants that. 

I look forward to connecting with you!

Nakedly yours,

canva-photo-editor(4).png