Hey Ladies, any of you ever been on a diet? Anyone?? Really? You too? Maybe you’re on one right now and want to punch your screen that I would even ask such an asinine question.
Well, here’s another one: have you ever been on a diet and lasted less than a week, only to collapse into a box of cupcakes?
Me too. It’s a natural thing to do. After all, you’ve spent an entire week eating quinoa. While you were fantasizing about cupcakes. And while that sugar may feel good at the moment, we know that it’s about to be followed by a big, fat CRASH.
Sound familiar? If you’re nodding, you’ve probably done the exact same thing with dating. You go for so long without finding a guy that you really click with, and you’re starving. Then you meet someone who makes you feel good, and you fall HARD, FAST.
There are ONE of TWO outcomes:
1. Things get weird, he gets spooked, runs away. You are devastated.
2. When you actually DO get to know him, you find that he’s totally wrong. You are devastated.
Okay, actually there’s ONE outcome. You are devastated!
That’s what happened to a woman in my Facebook group this week. After looking online for a long time, she met someone she really clicked with. They texted for a couple of weeks. On the second date, he started acting weird. Then he told her that he wasn’t ready for intimacy or a relationship. She was completely crushed, beyond proportion to the length of time that she had actually known this guy. So many of us do this!
The hard truth is, attaching to someone before you actually know them is a huge danger zone.
When we want something badly, we store up energy and emotion around it, especially if that desire goes unfulfilled for a long time. Then, you finally meet somebody and you WANT them to be the one, so all that stored up energy and emotion takes over.
The minute he starts saying the right things, you begin to project your fantasy onto him. The truth is that you don’t actually know who he is yet, but you’re already attached because you want that sugar.
This is called an anxious attachment, and it’s an extremely unhealthy way to start a relationship. Take time, in the beginning, to go slow, get to know a guy and enjoy the process! This is crucial, despite what your brain and body are telling you to do.
It’s a fine balance. But even when you’ve waited for love for a long time, it’s important not to give your heart away too fast. It deserves better. Those who rush into relationships too fast tend to do it over and over again.
Unfortunately, most of our attachment issues start in childhood and they can run deep. Even if you try to tell yourself to slow down, it can feel impossible to stop yourself when your mind and body are telling you, “Go for it! It’s been ages since you’ve felt this way about anyone.”
Working with an expert love coach is the best way to get a handle on your anxiety and stop attracting the wrong men and sabotaging your chances at love.
If this sounds like you, and you’d like to talk through it, click here. If you’re finding yourself heartbroken again and again, I can help you break the cycle. I offer a FREE one-hour Breakthrough Session. These are exactly the things that I help people work through. Most of my clients find true love within 6 months to a year.
You can also join my Facebook group ‘Dating Without Drama’ or follow me on Instagram to become a part of the conversation.
I look forward to connecting with you!