Lessons You’ll Learn Through Every Dating Experience
I think it’s really important to view dating as a journey. A journey where there is a road, and along that road are all the men that you are going to communicate with. Some of whom you’ll go out on dates with. Others you may exchange a few texts or emails with and never meet. Then there are the men who might ask for your number at a bar and never call. I want you to imagine all of these men lining a road, a path. A path that leads from where you are right now to where the love of your life is standing, right at the end of the road.
See Each Man As a Lesson
It’s important to envision that man as you encounter these different dating experiences. Because everything you’re going through, the good, the bad, and the ugly, is leading to him. How so? Because each man who you meet is a teacher in some way. He’s a test. He’s a lesson. He’s teaching you what you need to know whether it’s about love, the opposite sex, or about yourself. Each person you meet is giving you something that you need to know, that you need to learn, in order to get from where you are right now so you’re able to meet that man who’s at the end of the road.
You Must Learn to Let Go
Seeing each man as a lesson becomes easier when we surrender control over the experience of dating. For me, the biggest lesson in dating is learning how to surrender and learning how to let go of control. It's about accepting that we are all human. We have no control over certain aspects of our lives, especially our love lives. That includes everything from a man ghosting you to getting beyond the second date. Instead of becoming frustrated you need to learn how to control your inner world and your expectations and see how each of these experiences are teaching you something about yourself.
You Change the External When You Change the Internal
You can change your dating world when you change what’s going on with you internally. If you are out in the dating world and something keeps happening over and over and over again, you are the common denominator in that equation. Everybody has different things that are going on that are blocking them from finding love. But you can’t keep blaming men for ghosting you or breaking up with you after three months if they keep happening to you. If you are consistently being blocked or activated by the same issues, you must go deep within and see why those things continue to come up for you. Otherwise, you’ll be hitting the same brick road over and over again. Once you change things internally, it’s only then when you’ll start to see those changes happening in your external world.
Don’t Take it Personally and Keep It Light
Dating doesn’t have to be heavy. Not every lesson has to be a deep, dark one. It’s just doing the internal work, seeing each man as a lesson, and continuing to move forward with an open heart and an open mind. As Don Miguel Ruiz, my spiritual teacher, said, "You will be immune in the middle of hell when you don't take things personally.” When you’re able to do this, then you're able to go on these dates and have these guys disappear and you don’t really think twice about it because you are so certain that your guy is out there. You're going to keep going until you find him. That's when dating gets fun and easy.
And guess what? That's when that man will come into your life. Because you’ve been putting the puzzle pieces together with these other men, and now this man is able to meet you at the end of the road with that last piece. He's got the heart. He's holding the heart. When you get there, he's going to hand it to you, and your puzzle will be complete.
Seeing each man as a lesson becomes easier when we surrender control over the experience of dating. You can change your dating world when you change what’s going on with you internally.