Ladies, I like making LISTS, can I get a hell yeah?!?! Food lists, to-do lists, call lists, goal lists, you know what I’m talking about. Looooove lists. Last week I made a list of all the lists I need to make.
I struggle with follow-through. Don’t judge me.
And yes, like you, I have kept many a list of the things I am looking for in an ideal man. They have varied in length and detail over the years, but most of my dating life, I had the list.
I’m guessing that you have one too. You may not have a literal list, but if you are looking for THE ONE, and you have any preconceived notions of who that man is, you have a list.
Say it out loud, “Yes Lisa, I have a list.”
Excellent. Now that we’ve brought that to light, I want you to burn that list. Tear it up, throw it away, recycle it, choose your method, but get rid of it.
As much as we love the droplet of dopamine we get from ticking boxes, that particular list is holding you back.
To illustrate why, I ask you to consider a different list. Your bucket list.
Let’s say that you are looking for a SOUL MATE. The person that sees, accepts, and loves you on a soul level. And in order to be intentional about what your soul really wants, you need to get a little more ‘big picture’ about it.
One of the best ways to get real about what your soul wants is to look at your life from the perspective of your deathbed.
Jeez, Lisa. Way to bring it down.
But listen, this is your soulmate we’re talking about. So, let’s be brave and take a deep, gnarly look at what this means. Imagine that you have found the man of your dreams and spent your lives together. At the end of that life, where will your gratitude come from?
Will you look into your love’s eyes and say, “My Dearest, I am so grateful that you made $250k a year or more”?
Or, “I’m so grateful that you were always tall.”
No. You would most likely say, “I am so thankful that you always loved me unconditionally. Thank you for being the Guardian of my Soul,”
Once you know that what your soul really desires is unconditional love, you can begin to be intentional about finding it. And because we know that we don’t really attract what we what we are, we can then swap out our To-Do list with a To-Be list.
Yay! A LIST!
In order to find unconditional love, you must first know got to give it. You need to be kind. Thoughtful. You need to be selfless compassionate and accepting.
And the beautiful part is, this list of things gets to replace another useless list we’ve had for years. The list of things we’ve told ourselves we need to be in order to find love: beautiful, young, thin, wealthy, feminine, etc.
Isn’t that delicious???
Once you begin to look for love in this way, everything changes. You can use every date as an opportunity to practice becoming a kinder and more compassionate person. The more you do this, the kinder and more compassionate you become. The more you seek to become an unconditionally loving person, the more it seeks you.
This mindset shift is not an easy one. It took a lot of pain and deep introspection before I realized that, to attract an unconditionally loving relationship, I had to first know how to love and accept another person unconditionally. After I figured this out, it took me 96 first dates to find ‘The One.’
Don’t worry. I am not expecting you to go on that many dates. I did that work so that you don’t have to.
If you are lost and struggling in love and feel that you are losing hope that it will ever happen for you, let me guide you through this process.
For more about how I do that, you can take a peek at my webinar, and be sure to take me up on a FREE one-hour Breakthrough Session. You can also join my Facebook group ‘Dating Without Drama’ or follow me on Instagram to become a part of the conversation.
I’d love to talk about a plan to find that unconditional love that is waiting for you. That call could change your life. Think about how amazing it will feel to check “Find my Soulmate” off your list.
I look forward to connecting with you!