Many of us get into trouble because we’re going after the guys who treat us poorly, the love bombers, the narcissists, and the guys that come on too fast and too strong. But what about the nice guys or those with what Lisa and Benjamin call “nice guy syndrome?” This week, they explore how being nice doesn’t automatically make someone a suitable partner, and they unravel the differences between genuine compassion and kindness and a man that gives to go get. Benjamin talks about how resentment can arise from the nice guys’ inability to establish boundaries in relationships, and how that can make women feel even more confused.
What You’ll Hear In This Episode:
- Nice guys are the opposite of love bombers, but they still may not be great – why is that?
- Why are nice guys constantly walking on eggshells?
- How nice guys are different from other guys.
- The ways nice guys can be calculating and manipulative.
- How do you know if a man is truly compassionate and kind, or if it’s an act?
- Spending time with secure and grounded men can often feel boring because there isn’t that surge of hormones that you feel with love bombers and men who play games.
- Benjamin talks about his experience as a recovering nice guy.
- Underneath the nice guy syndrome, there can be a lot of victimization and manipulation.
Continue On Your Journey:
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- “It’s good to give nicer men a chance, but not every nice man is a good potential candidate for a relationship.” – Lisa 2:52
- “Either just because he’s nice, doesn’t mean that he’s a great guy, or that he’s a good fit.” – Lisa 3:01
- “Very often, nice guys turn out to be anything but nice. They can swing back and forth from being giving to being angry an resentful, like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.” – Benjamin 4:26
- “The hallmark of these nice guys is that they’re giving to get. And when they don’t get what they want, they’re a completely different person underneath. – Lisa 11:14
- “A healthy woman wants a real man who can kindly ask for what he wants, and he needs to communicate that in a way that is loving and clear, and in the present time.” – Benjamin 26:55
- Nurturing is healthy, but caretaking in the relationship becomes unequal.” – Benjamin 32:13