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GITRMM ep 43: Improving Your Communication Without Processing the SH*T Out of Everything

GITRMM ep 43: Improving Your Communication Without Processing the SH*T Out of Everything

To most men, over processing your relationship can feel like… well… a bit of a tar pit. Sticky, smelly, thick and sinking. When confronted with the “we need to talk” or “I need to process this” phrase, men can feel defensive, distracted, and shut down, and if you’re thinking “but whyyyyyyy?” That’s what Lisa and Benjamin get into this week. They’ll also share how you can bring up important issues without totally freaking him out, how we can better understand men’s tendency to feel shame when they feel they aren’t providing for us, and why women fear disconnection- which in turn often creates a cycle that provides further distance.

What You’ll Hear In This Episode:

  • Why shame is one of the worst things a man can feel. 
  • Men want to be a woman’s hero, and when it’s mirrored back to them that it’s not happening, they feel like total failures. 
  • Why shame for men and fear for women can be such big driving emotions. 
  • From breathing to posture, how does a man shut down when asked to process?
  • How working with Lisa and Benjamin can help you get to more connection, compassion, and empathy in your relationship. 
  • Real life examples of couples that processed the right way, and they fell even more deeply in love. 
  • What stonewalling is and why it’s so detrimental to your relationship. 

Continue On Your Journey

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Email the podcast at: podcast@lisashield.com

Mentioned:

Gottman 

Quotes

  • “Understanding the problem is not a solution for the problem.” – Lisa
  • “Emotionally naked can show you the right way to sit down and talk with the man you love in a way that will bring you closer together rather than further apart.” – Lisa 
  • “The opposite of love isn’t necessarily hate. It’s resentment, indifference, and it turns into stonewalling.” – Benjamin 
  • “The goal of processing is connection, compassion, seeing the other person’s point of view, and fear and shame can get in the way.” – Benjamin