To All the Strong Women
I had many TURNING POINTS in my dating. One of the most significant was when I started to look at my STRENGTH.
Like many women today, I PRIDED myself on being a “STRONG AND INDEPENDENT,” too strong for many if not MOST men.
When I was 8 years old, I saw my father CRUSH my mother’s spirit when he left her for another woman.
Five years later, when my mother was DYING of breast cancer, she tried to share as much of her WISDOM with me as possible. The one thing I remember most was when she WARNED ME: “Never let a man do to you what your father did to me.” I was only 13 at the time and I STRUGGLED to put her advice in perspective.
For many years after that, I SWORE I wouldn’t wind up like my mother—left to fend for herself with two small children.
To me, it seemed like MOST women were WEAK and insipid, and I refused to DUMB myself down or PANDER to a man. I told myself anything a man could do I could do.
Since the BIRTH CONTROL PILL had been approved the year before I was born and ABORTION was legalized by the Supreme Court in 1973, I was among the first generation of women who had FULL CONTROL over their own bodies. I felt like I was free to do whatever I wanted without apology or SHAME, including act like a man.
When I set out to date again at 39, I admitted TO MYSELF that something wasn’t working with men and me. They still didn’t find me attractive, even though I had reduced myself from a size 14 to a shapely size 8. I also had done a GREAT DEAL of inner personal work. I liked myself. I had developed a POSITIVE MINDSET. I had wonderful friends and an AWESOME Dog. I thought I was PRETTY COOL… but men weren’t buying it.
At the time, I was part of an amazing SPIRITUAL GROUP spearheaded by Don Miguel Ruiz, author of ‘The Four Agreements.’ One day, Miguel brought me in front of the group and said, “This is a WOMAN OF POWER.” He didn’t say, “This is a powerful woman.” He said, “This is a woman of power.”
Miguel’s words rang in my ear for a long time. He’s a shaman, and he sees people’s TRUE NATURE. At the time, I didn’t know what to make of what he said, but I knew it was IMPORTANT.
On another occasion, he told me privately, “You are a woman of power and you FRIGHTEN MEN.” I was stunned. I didn’t say it aloud, but I thought, “Thanks, Miguel. What I am supposed to do with THAT?”
I could have used his words to feed my ego, but I didn’t because the last thing I wanted to do was frighten men. I wanted them to feel SAFE and be ATTRACTED to me.
Miguel’s words led me to question many of my beliefs about who I was. I realized that being powerful meant nothing if I was allowing that power to WORK AGAINST me and PUSH men away.
I’ve come to realize that we all have SUPERPOWERS. One of mine IS strength. I couldn’t get rid of it if I tried. It’s who I am at my CORE.
But just like all those kids in the Marvel movies, the ones they send to that school run by Patrick Stewart if I didn’t learn how to harness that power and use it wisely and judiciously, I was going to keep BLOWING things up and PUSHING men away.
I knew the time had come for me to ACCEPT the fact that I am, in fact, woman. This was a HUGE SHIFT in my consciousness, it opened up a whole new world of DISCOVERY and POSSIBILITY. I was finally able to see that I wasn’t attracting the kind of man I wanted because THAT MAN would have been attracted to a WOMAN, not a man in a woman’s body.
Ironically, the more I embraced this ESSENTIAL part of myself, the more attractive I became and the more GENUINELY EMPOWERED I felt with men.
I realized that I had never wanted to be HARD on or GUARDED with them. When I was honest with myself, I admitted that all my life I had longed for a man to PROTECT and take care of me. I guess I just hadn’t been ready to let down my guard so a man could do that for me. I was finally learning to be emotionally naked, and I can show YOU how I started this process in my free online workshop.
Of course, I can do those things for myself, but I can feel that I am most BEAUTIFUL when my GUARD is completely down and I can be that sweet, innocent little girl who never felt SAFE enough to come out and play… until now.
For so much of my life, I’d used my STRENGTH and independence as a way of staying SAFE because I really didn’t understand what it meant to be a woman OR a man.
I now know that EVERY woman and EVERY man has to find his or her NATURAL frequency. If you’re heterosexual, bisexual, transgendered or gay, you have to be willing to EMBRACE who you truly are. You can’t go against your TRUE NATURE.
I AM a woman of power, but it doesn’t serve me to use that power to frighten men.
I still don’t suffer fools lightly. I never have and I never will. Players and misogynists INSTINCTIVELY know to leave me alone. I sometimes wonder if I wear some kind of an invisible sign that reads, “Don’t even bother…”
But now, I can honestly say that I am VERY PROUD to be a woman and I know how to use my STRENGTH in a feminine way to make a man feel SAFE and like he’s my KING. Just ask my husband if you don’t believe me.
P.S. For more dating insights, check out my Free Online Workshop!