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Getting Out There & Meeting Other Singles

Do you ever sit around on your couch and wonder why the universe hasn’t delivered you a date in ages? You think, “How come my dating life isn’t going anywhere?” Well, maybe, just maybe you need to get up, get out, and give the universe a bit of help.  I am willing to bet that if you got off your cute little butt and put some effort into meeting other singles, the universe would reciprocate by giving you some dates.  It’s just a hunch, but it’s a good one.  Seeing as it’s nearly January 1st, you might even want to make a commitment to going out and meeting more singles one of your New Years resolutions.

Get out your calendar and schedule in at least three activities or events a month.  To insure the greatest chance of getting actual dates, choose at least two events that are specifically geared towards singles.  Many people make the mistake of attending a group only once, but you want to frequent the same group over and over again so that people begin to recognize you.  Finally,  go alone so that you will have to get out of your shell and meet more people.

Here are some suggested places to meet people:

1. Go to a bar or pub.  One of the easiest places to meet people is at a neighborhood bar or pub.  Do not have more than one drink.  In fact, it would be better to sip a club soda so that you are totally present.  Witness your fears and inhibitions as they arise.  Do you go for the person you are most attracted to or shy away?  Do you wait to be noticed by others or do you send out signals that you are interested?  Are you judging people and looking for their flaws?  What if you looked around the room and focused on what was attractive about each person?

2. Join a dance class.  Salsa and ballroom dancing classes are an especially good way to meet people.  When you get moving, you naturally are in a better mood.  Dancing is also a great way connect with your body and your sensuality.  As a metaphor for relationships, dancing teaches men how to take the lead and it helps women feel more comfortable letting a man take the lead.  Dancing will also get you out of your head and help you flow with the moment, skills that come in handy when you’re on an actual date.

3. Go for a hike. You can join a group like Sierra Club Singles or go alone and see if you can engage other people on the trail.  Hiking is a great way to combine exercising with meeting other people.  For some people, parties and Meetup groups can feel too sterile.  Doing an activity can create an environment where meeting people feels more natural.  Start by just smiling and saying hello to people.  Eventually, you might say, “Mind if I walk with you awhile?”  If you like someone, you might ask if they would like to meet again for another hike.

4. Go to a networking meeting.  Networking meetings give you a built in excuse to walk up to someone attractive in the room and strike up a conversation.  Check Meetup.com for singles-related networking groups.  Wear something that stands out—a piece of jewelry, a colorful scarf, or a striking pair of glasses—or notice something someone else is wearing that you can comment on.  “I love those retro eyeglasses you’re wearing…”  Ask what kinds of clients they are looking for so you can refer to them.  If you’re bold, suggest getting together for lunch or a drink to discuss how you can help each other.

5. Sit in a coffee shop.  Grab a cup of coffee and a chair by the door.  Don’t read a book or the paper.  Instead, smile at people as they walk in.  See if you can get someone to stop and talk to you.  Maybe comment on something someone is wearing or on the weather, anything to strike up a conversation.

6. Go to a supermarket.  Go at the busiest time of the day and see if you can engage people at the vegetable department or in deli section. Be playful and flirtatious.  Try challenging yourself to talk to the cutest person you can find.   Ask for help getting something off the top shelf or inquire if that person has ever tried a certain product.  Get comfortable talking to everyone, especially people you find attractive.

7. Go to a park or a dog park.  Nothing attracts attention like a dog.  A friend of mine was having a terrible time getting dates.  Then, she got a dog.  The dog got her to get out and about and, lo and behold, she met a guy.  A REALLY cute guy.  Now she has a dog and a boyfriend.  Talk about a happy camper.  If you meet another dog owner you like, suggest a “doggie” play date.

Schedule an appointment with me today.

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

WHERE TO MEET PEOPLE

You can’t just rely on online dating to meet people these days. You want to go to at least 2-3 singles events a month. In Los Angeles, one of the best resources for finding singles events is an online magazine called Singular, http://singularcity.com. They put on some fabulous-sounding parties, hikes, and other events. Check it out. As time goes on, I will post more events as I find them. If you know of any good ones, please let me know so I can post them. Email me at lisa@lisashield.com

Psychedelic 60s Party

Date: Saturday, September 29, 2012 Time: 7-10 pm

Singular magazine invites you to celebrate the psychedelic 60s at the Mr. MusicHead Gallery featuring Alan Aldridge, one of the era’s signature artists.

Event – Mandeville Canyon Hike

Date: Sunday, October 7, 2012 Time: 10 am – 1 pm

SingularCity’s I Heart Hiking group invites you to join them on Sunday, October 7 at 10 a.m. for a scenic hike along this fire road in Mandeville Canyon in Brentwood that offers gorgeous views of both the city and the Santa Monica Bay.

WHERE TO MEET MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX

Where to meet members of the opposite sex:

I have a personal prejudice towards online dating because I rarely see clients get as many dates offline as they do online.  Still, it’s good to get out and do other things to shake your dating up a bit.  

While you’re out and about, you can practice opening your heart, being more playful, and getting emotionally naked and honest.  And, you might get some dates in the process.  Even if you don’t find anyone you would like to date, you want to be stretching yourself and trying out new skills so that, when you meet the right person, you are ready.  Here are a few suggestions of things you can do to challenge yourself while you are out at one of the places I have listed below:

  1. Commit to staying at least 45 minutes and talking to at least 3-5 members of the opposite sex.
  2. Choose a quality you want to develop in yourself like being more playful, compassionate, or kind and make a commitment to practice that quality with everyone you speak to.
  3. If you go with friends, be sure to separate for a good part of the time.  People are more approachable when they are alone, not in groups.

LIST  

Trendy Bars

Coffee Houses

Neighborhood Bars

Improv Classes

Pubs

Online

Sports Bars

Happy Hour

Singles Parties

Nightclubs

Dinner Parties

Speed Dating

Singles-related Travel

Meetup.com Groups  

Through Friends & Family  

Becoming a Member of an Association, Board, or Committee

The Gym

Bookstores

Sushi Bars

Dining at the Counter

Sporting Events

Dog Parks

Open-Mic Nights at Coffee Houses and Clubs

Organizing Your Own Meet-up Group

Hosting Your Own Singles Parties

Organizing Events at Work

Lectures

  Art Openings

Museums

Dance Classes

School

Work

Friends & Family

Churches and Temples

Spiritual Gatherings

Taking Classes at Community Colleges & Universities

Drum Circles

Workshops

Seminars

Live Music Events

Comedy Clubs

Business Networking

Yoga Classes

Hiking

Camping

Home Depot

Sporting Events

Sierra Club Singles

Yacht Club Singles

Singles Cruises

Parks

Join a Sports Team

Acting Classes

Pool Halls

Book Clubs

Volunteering

Rock Climbing

Bowling Teams

Wine Tasting

Running Clubs

Exercise Boot Camp

Cooking Classes

Laundry Mats

Jury Duty

Ski Resorts

Tech Stores

Museums

Golf Courses

Outdoor Concert Events

Tennis Courts

Casinos

Beaches

Cigar Bars

Steak Houses

Supermarkets

Weddings

Airports

Move to Alaska**

**There are still more men than women there!

 

 

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