Tagsdating 101 dating 2013 dating advice dating coach dating expert dating ideas dating in the new year dating tips how to date how to get asked out how to meet people ideas for dates meeting other singles singles events los angeles Where to meet people
Do you ever sit around on your couch and wonder why the universe hasn’t delivered you a date in ages? You think, “How come my dating life isn’t going anywhere?” Well, maybe, just maybe you need to get up, get out, and give the universe a bit of help. I am willing to bet that if you got off your cute little butt and put some effort into meeting other singles, the universe would reciprocate by giving you some dates. It’s just a hunch, but it’s a good one. Seeing as it’s nearly January 1st, you might even want to make a commitment to going out and meeting more singles one of your New Years resolutions.
Get out your calendar and schedule in at least three activities or events a month. To insure the greatest chance of getting actual dates, choose at least two events that are specifically geared towards singles. Many people make the mistake of attending a group only once, but you want to frequent the same group over and over again so that people begin to recognize you. Finally, go alone so that you will have to get out of your shell and meet more people.
Here are some suggested places to meet people:
1. Go to a bar or pub. One of the easiest places to meet people is at a neighborhood bar or pub. Do not have more than one drink. In fact, it would be better to sip a club soda so that you are totally present. Witness your fears and inhibitions as they arise. Do you go for the person you are most attracted to or shy away? Do you wait to be noticed by others or do you send out signals that you are interested? Are you judging people and looking for their flaws? What if you looked around the room and focused on what was attractive about each person?
2. Join a dance class. Salsa and ballroom dancing classes are an especially good way to meet people. When you get moving, you naturally are in a better mood. Dancing is also a great way connect with your body and your sensuality. As a metaphor for relationships, dancing teaches men how to take the lead and it helps women feel more comfortable letting a man take the lead. Dancing will also get you out of your head and help you flow with the moment, skills that come in handy when you’re on an actual date.
3. Go for a hike. You can join a group like Sierra Club Singles or go alone and see if you can engage other people on the trail. Hiking is a great way to combine exercising with meeting other people. For some people, parties and Meetup groups can feel too sterile. Doing an activity can create an environment where meeting people feels more natural. Start by just smiling and saying hello to people. Eventually, you might say, “Mind if I walk with you awhile?” If you like someone, you might ask if they would like to meet again for another hike.
4. Go to a networking meeting. Networking meetings give you a built in excuse to walk up to someone attractive in the room and strike up a conversation. Check Meetup.com for singles-related networking groups. Wear something that stands out—a piece of jewelry, a colorful scarf, or a striking pair of glasses—or notice something someone else is wearing that you can comment on. “I love those retro eyeglasses you’re wearing…” Ask what kinds of clients they are looking for so you can refer to them. If you’re bold, suggest getting together for lunch or a drink to discuss how you can help each other.
5. Sit in a coffee shop. Grab a cup of coffee and a chair by the door. Don’t read a book or the paper. Instead, smile at people as they walk in. See if you can get someone to stop and talk to you. Maybe comment on something someone is wearing or on the weather, anything to strike up a conversation.
6. Go to a supermarket. Go at the busiest time of the day and see if you can engage people at the vegetable department or in deli section. Be playful and flirtatious. Try challenging yourself to talk to the cutest person you can find. Ask for help getting something off the top shelf or inquire if that person has ever tried a certain product. Get comfortable talking to everyone, especially people you find attractive.
7. Go to a park or a dog park. Nothing attracts attention like a dog. A friend of mine was having a terrible time getting dates. Then, she got a dog. The dog got her to get out and about and, lo and behold, she met a guy. A REALLY cute guy. Now she has a dog and a boyfriend. Talk about a happy camper. If you meet another dog owner you like, suggest a “doggie” play date.
Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach