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Naked Truth #1 – Meeting your soul mate could feel very different than you think

Naked Truth #1 – Meeting your soul mate could feel very different than you think

Naked Truth #1 – Meeting your soul mate could feel very different than you think

When I met my husband for the first time, he was a complete surprise—not an unexpected surprise, but a quiet one. I had arrived at the restaurant early. In fact, he had gotten lost and was at least 20 minutes late for our date. I was seated at the bar, and he walked over to me, took my hand in his, and said, “It is so nice to meet you.” The moment I lifted my gaze to meet his, I knew the meaning of the phrase, “The eyes are the windows to the soul.” I was staring into the eyes of the kindest person I had ever met. In that naked moment, he revealed himself to me and I to him. As someone who usually felt anxious on first dates, I was totally at ease.

The feeling I had that night, staring into the eyes of my future husband, took me by surprise. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. There were no fireworks or fanfare. I didn’t feel butterflies in my stomach or light as air. Truth be told, I’d felt those things before… with my ex- husband, and 12 years later, I was asking for a divorce. This was different. It was like I’d come home and I was finally where I belonged.

So many people are stuck on the idea that when they meet the person they’re meant to spend the rest of their lives with, they’ll experience this overwhelming rush of adrenaline and excitement—that weak-in-the-knees feeling they talk about in movies. And when they don’t have that experience on the first couple of dates, they’re ready to write that person off convinced that he or she isn’t “the one.” But if you talk to people who are in loving, committed relationships, they’ll often say meeting their mate didn’t feel overwhelming or like some out-of-body experience—it just felt right. They will also say they didn’t fall for their partner overnight; their feelings came on slowly, and it wasn’t until weeks or months into dating that they realized they’d met someone they could spend the rest of their lives with.

So, if there are no butterflies or fireworks on a first date, how can you possibly know whether a person has the potential to be “the one?” Here are a few suggestions:

First, you need to see if you can find a handful of qualities you really admire about your date. When I first met my husband, I could see that he was kind, accomplished, present, self-aware, and generous, among other things. He was clearly a very special person, but he was also completely different from other men I’d dated. I honestly didn’t have a clue how we would fit together as a couple. I felt like I was in unknown territory. But just because it didn’t feel familiar didn’t mean it wasn’t right… which leads me to my second suggestion:

If someone you’re dating has some admirable qualities and is not like the people you usually date, you need to give him or her a real chance. If you’re like most people, you haven’t chosen the best partners in the past, which is why you’re still dating. To find the right person, you need to get out of your own way and date people who break the mold.

Third, with each date you should feel like you are learning more about each other and growing closer. This can take some time, so pay attention and tune in to subtle shifts in your feelings. Maybe you find that you can’t stop thinking about the cute gap between her teeth or how calls his grandmother every Sunday. It can takes time to develop a real friendship with someone new… and if you really think about it, a partner is actually a best friend that you have sex with.

If you met someone new and he or she hasn’t blown you away just yet, keep in mind that dating is a journey of the heart, but a racing heart isn’t always the best indication of a good match. If you’re out in the dating world, I encourage you to let go of your wild fantasies and expectations, get out of your own way, and give people more of a chance. Who knows? Your soul mate could be hiding in plain sight, and it’s only a matter of time before that person comes into focus.

Are you struggling with dating? Book a coaching consultation and see how I can help!

Naked Truth #1 – Meeting your soul mate could feel very different than you think

THE 3 TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS

THE 3 TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS

There are essentially 3 kinds of relationships: Traditional, Conscious, and Transcendent.  Each serves it’s own purpose.  Take a look at the descriptions below and ask yourself what kind of relationship you’re in and what kind of relationship you would like to be in.  Remember, some people can’t or don’t want to do the necessary work too get to the next level.  Are you willing to do what it takes to have the relationship of your dreams?

LEVEL 1:  

TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIP

This is the most familiar dynamic found in traditional marriages and relationships.  The focus is on shared interests and values rather than personal growth.  In Traditional Relationships neither person has done the necessary psychological or spiritual work to bond either with themselves or another.  This means that the couple connects at the personality rather than the emotional and spiritual levels.  When two people relate from the personality or “I” level, the individual’s focus remains on him or herself rather than on the other.  Each person is primarily focused on getting his or her own needs met which prevents the “we” of the relationship from forming.  As a result these relationships often become stagnant and power struggles occur frequently.  To remain together, partners in Traditional Relationships avoid looking at key issues, pretending they don’t exist.  Many couples feel safe and secure in a Traditional Relationship.  It is all they ever want or need and they can remain at this level forever.  These couples will not naturally progress to the next two levels of relationship.  Traditional Relationships end when one partner embarks on his or her psychospiritual journey and it becomes impossible to continue growing while remaining in the relationship.

LEVEL 2:

CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP

When soul mates come together they join in Conscious Relationship.   Soul mates are those who relate from the soul level.  Though many seek a soul mate, the requirement for this kind of relationship is that both people must have done some psychological and spiritual work prior to meeting in order to relate soul to soul.  In Conscious Relationships the focus is on emotional and spiritual growth both as individuals and as a couple.  Those in Conscious Relationships are engaged in learning lessons.  Their goal is to transcend the physical and emotional levels to the spiritual plane.   As they actively work through issues together, Conscious Couples are increasingly able to lean in and trust one another to create the “we” of the relationship.  One of the great challenges of Conscious Relationships is that they are transitioning from an I-based to a we-based relationship as they learn not only to work on their own individual issues but also as they learn to apply what they learn to the relationship as a whole.  As this happens, power struggles occur.  Though profound, Conscious Relationships but do not necessarily last forever.  They might end when both partners are no longer able to grow together or when one person does not meet the other person’s Essential Needs.  Just because people are Conscious Partners does not mean that they can automatically fulfill the other person’s requirements.  Reaching the level of Conscious Partnership is a significant accomplishment and can lead to nourishing and lasting relationship. 

LEVEL 3:

TRANSCENDENT RELATIONSHIP

Not everyone wants to do the work to reach this third.  Transcendent Partners love one another unconditionally.  They are “guardians of each others souls.”  Because Transcendent Partners have mastered the art of taking personal responsibility, they generate their identity, happiness and emotional stability from within and there is no fear of losing themselves in the relationship.  With such a strong sense of their individual selves, Transcendent Partners can fully surrender to the “we” of the relationship, forming a union where the individual is not lost and the whole is profoundly greater than the sum of its parts.  Skilled in unconditional acceptance, power struggles rarely occur. Transcendent Partners fully support each other in going for their dreams.  They live in truth and can share anything without fear of shame or blame.  Transcendent Partners relate at the spiritual level and k lhave evolved beyond the need to work at the relationship.  Both partners are guided not by outer but by inner forces and by each other.  Knowing that what they have together is enough, Transcendent Partners are content and can commit to one another for life.  Transcendent Partnership is focused in gratitude and on giving back to society.  There are few models in our society for this type of partnership.  Conscious Partners can and do evolve into Transcendent Partnership when both people do their individual work.  You have not failed if you achieve a Traditional or Conscious Relationship.   Transcendent Partnership is not and should not be for everyone. 

 

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Does Online Dating Work?

Does Online Dating Work?

According to an article that ran In Discovery News, it definitely does!

“In fact, the Internet has become one of the most popular places for people to meet, according to the 2010 large-scale survey How Couples Meet and Stay Together.  (Online dating) definitely works,” said Reuben J. Thomas, an assistant professor of sociology at the City University of New York, who collaborated on the survey. “We estimate that 23 percent of the couples in the U.S. who met in the two years from 2007 to 2009 met online. More people meet online now than meet through school, work, church, bars, parties, et cetera.”

“Online dating sites are all about bringing people together, and sometimes it forms this illusion that with a few clicks of the mouse you can find your soul mate,” Rutgers communications assistant professor Jennifer Gibbs said. “But really, that’s just the first step, and to get to know the person there’s a process of developing a relationship.”

Click here to read the entire article:  Does Online Dating Work

Online dating isn’t the answer to all our dating problems.  It only gets the ball rolling by helping you connect with a wider range of other available singles.  You get to email, IM, and flirt with people all from the comfort  of your own home.  No more need to scour single’s parties, gyms, or bars to meet people.

Internet dating can seem dry and impersonal to some of you, but it is here to stay.  I wouldn’t knock it.  Almost every client I’ve had has complained about Internet dating, only to eventually meet someone online.  It takes time and energy like anything else you do in life.  Don’t expect miracles.  Don’t expect  to put your profile up and get slammed with emails, especially if you are over 45.  Unless you post overtly sexual photos, you might won’t get many emails.  This happens with a lot of my clients.  But these are the clients who eventually meet someone.

Don’t give up.  Slow and steady wins the race.  But while you are out there, don’t keep doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results.  Keep trying new things.  If you aren’t getting hits, hire a professional photographer.  If you are struggling to write your profile, hire a professional writer or have a friend come over and help you write it.  Also, practice making your emails funny and playful.  Humor is very attractive.  You don’t have to be haha funny; try being witty or silly.  What you put out is what you will attract.  If you want a someone to play and laugh with, you need to use the right bait.

As the article says, getting a date is just the beginning.  Once you meet someone, you have to know how to turn that initial connection into a relationship.  This is where the real work begins.  Many people are getting dates online but they don’t know how to create a connection on a date.  If you are struggling to get to the next level, hire a professional coach to help you.  When many of my clients come to me, they can’t get past a first date.  I show my clients all kinds of ways to connect in an emotionally intimate way with their dates and create a connection that can, and often does, turn into a lasting relationship.  I teach my clients Naked Dating.  They learn how to open their hearts and share in a vulnerable and emotionally intimate way.  Almost every single client who works with me comes back and says that the coaching isn’t just helping them with dating, it helps them improve every relationship in their lives.

If you are single and struggling to meet someone, call me today for a sample session and see what Naked Dating can do for you!  And look for my upcoming book:  Naked Dating: Finding True Love with Nothing to Hide

Click here to read the entire article:  Does Online Dating Work

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