Tagged ‘How to find true love‘

Do YOU Sabotage Dates Because You’re NOT Ready for Love?

Sabotage Love?

I have no doubt that my husband, Benjamin, would NOT have been attracted to me when I first started dating 17 years ago. But the dating process helped me open my heart and get a handle on my emotions. Dating SHAPED me into the woman he fell in love with in that magic moment when we met two years and 100 first dates later.

When I started dating again, I approached it as a SPIRITUAL JOURNEY. I decided to see each interaction as an OPPORTUNITY to learn to open my heart wider and become a more loving person.

When I looked at others in the dating world, I watched as their hearts and minds became less open with each disappointing date, and the road ahead of them grew NARROWER.

As I dated, I wanted the road ahead to get WIDER. I wanted to become MORE openhearted, MORE open-minded, and MORE compassionate with each date.

If a man was unkind or disappointed me in some way, rather than get angry or blame him for what happened, I told myself that he didn’t owe me anything. He was doing me a favor by making space for the RIGHT MAN to come into my life.

After a while, I stopped caring why certain men behaved the way they did. It really didn’t matter. I knew how I wanted a man to treat me, I knew he was out there, and I was willing to keep dating until I found him.

None of this was any easier for me than it is for you. I wanted a partner more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. Facing one rejection after another was terribly painful, but the more I was willing to learn from my mistakes and focus on keeping my heart and mind open, the easier it got. I can show you how to do this. Check out my online workshop to learn more.

Today, I’m ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that everything I went through when I dated prepared me for the relationship of my dreams. By using my dating experience to work through my DRAMA, I wound up attracting an AMAZING man and together we have been able to create a relationship that is EVEN BETTER than anything I could have imagined!

I watch so many singles FLOUNDER in the dating world and become increasingly angry, disappointed, and discouraged when things don’t go the way they EXPECT them to.

What this tells me is that they still have WORK to do to prepare for The One. They need to learn how to HUMBLE themselves, SURRENDER to the process, and let each date TEACH them how to open their hearts to love and be loved. Maybe this speaks to you?

There is a BIG difference between thinking you are emotionally available and ready for the relationship of your dreams and truly being ready to meet The One. When you’re REALLY ready, you WILL know.

So, here’s my question for you:

Do you truly believe YOU are emotionally ready for the kind of relationship you want?

If that person walked into your life RIGHT NOW, do you have an OPEN HEART and are your fears of trusting someone or being rejected or abandoned UNDER CONTROL?

Or, would you SABOTAGE IT by reacting and pushing the person away the moment they let you down?

Warm Regards,




P.S.  Don’t forget to check out my Free Online Workshop!

Are You Your Own Worst Frenemy?

Are You Your Own Worst Frenemy?

Are you Your Own Worst Frenemy?

Sylvia’s Story

Six months ago, I was in a coaching session with my client, Sylvia. A guy she had been emailing on Match and hadn’t heard from in a few weeks had popped up out of the blue. “Hey,” he wrote. “What happened to you?” 

“Did you email him back???” I asked. I was excited to see someone she’d been communicating with was trying to reconnect with her.  Sylvia had been having a hard time getting dates from guys she liked. 

“No. I’m not emailing him back,” Sylvia declared, looking at me like I was out of my mind. “I wrote him last and then he stopped communicating with me. He’s got a lot of nerve implying I was the one who dropped the ball.”

Really? I replied, “What’s the difference? He reached out. Can’t you just play along? You have a long email history with the guy. It seems like you were into him at some point.”

I went on to suggest that she write him something playful like:

“Actually, you never answered my last email and I was wondering what happened to you! So, where do we go from here? Ill give you a little hint: if you ask me for my number, I just might give it to you ☺”

Yeah, I dont think so, she insisted. Why should I make it easy for him? I want a guy whos excited about me and pursues me.

My female clients say this all the time; they want men to chase them, but what they really do is make them jump through too many hoops. If a guy makes one misstep—it can be something as simple as dropping the thread of communication for a couple of days or failing to ask them a question about themselves in an email exchange—these women will write the man off, claiming he didn’t seem like he was interested.

Sylvia was missing the point. This guy had reached out to her. Maybe he didn’t use the best approach, but he was trying to get the communication flowing again. When it comes to online dating and two people haven’t even met, it doesn’t matter who wrote the last email. People have busy lives and they get distracted. What’s more, most people are communicating with several different people at the same time and it’s easy to lose track of who you’re writing to. You need to take it all with a grain of salt.

The bottom line is that Sylvia is not dating naked. She’s taking things personally and putting up walls, walls that no man in his right mind is going to work that hard to get through, especially if he hasn’t even met her yet! As long as her Frenemy (read Inner Bitch) is calling the shots and she’s being defensive and closed off, no one will pursue her. I tried everything I could to convince her to write this guy back, even just for practice, but she wouldn’t budge.

Maya’s Story

Interestingly enough, the day after my session with Sylvia, I coached another client, Maya, on the same issue. Maya had also been emailing with a guy who’d stopped writing and then resurfaced a few weeks later. Even though they’d only exchanged a handful of emails, Maya was worried she might have said something to turn him off. By the time we met, Maya was feeling rejected and her Frenemy had put up a wall to protect her. Like Sylvia, she felt that if a man was excited and wanted to pursue her, he wouldn’t have let the communication drop.

Maya’s Frenemy had convinced her that she shouldn’t respond to the email, so she was shocked to hear what I had to say. Before she made any rash decisions, I encouraged her to write him a playful message asking where he’d disappeared to. After all, what did she have to lose?

Maya hesitated, but then she took my advice. “I really hear what you’re saying,” she told me. “You’re telling me to keep an open mind and give people the benefit of the doubt. I need to be more playful and ease up on men; I can be so hard on them. I guess I’m just afraid of getting hurt again, so I push them away before they can reject me. Even if this isn’t the perfect guy for me, I really do need to practice opening up and asking for what I want.”

That evening I got an email from Maya saying that she had not only written to the man we’d talked about, but she’d also sent a playful email to another man who she had stopped writing. Both guys wrote her back immediately, and an hour later she had not one but two dates lined up for the weekend. It’s been a few weeks now and she’s already been out with the first guy five times. Imagine what Maya would have missed out on if she had followed her initial knee jerk reaction and written him off for not making a move?

Fear of being exposed

So, back to Sylvia. Want to know what happened with her? When she had first started coaching with me, she told me about all the self-help books she’d read and how hard she’d worked to get to a place where she liked herself. After our session, she wrote me a long, defensive email reminding me about all the work she’d already done on herself and saying that she didn’t feel she needed to change. Then she went on to reiterate why she was right in not emailing back the guy. To me it was clear that she was guarded. She didn’t really want to put herself out there. Dating can be risky: what if she got rejected and found out that she was going to have to do more work on herself before she would be ready to get into a relationship?

At this point, there was nothing left for me to say. She had come to me for coaching because some part of her knew she was getting in her own way. Unfortunately, she was still terrified of rejection, and rather than risk getting hurt, her Frenemy was putting up an even bigger wall. So, in the end, I could see that her sense of self wasn’t nearly as solid as she wanted to believe. 

In Zen Buddhism, there’s a concept called beginner’s mind; it’s the idea that you approach every situation from a place of openness and curiosity, and with a willingness to learn something new. A quote relating to that concept kept running through my head as I read Sylvia’s email: “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.” Sylvias inner Frenemy was the consummate expert and it wasnt going to budge at least not on my watch.

Are you a Sylvia or a Maya?

When you find yourself getting reactive and your Frenemy is telling you to cut off communication with someone you’ve been talking to online, see if you can let go a little, stop jumping to conclusions, and look at the situation with a beginner’s mind. There’s nothing to be lost by giving someone the benefit of the doubt. If you want things to change, you are going to have to stop listening to your Frenemy, take some risks, and be willing to give more people a chance. Ask yourself: do you want to date like Sylvia or like Maya? I promise you, Maya is getting a lot more dates, she’s having a lot more fun, and she’s going to meet someone… or, maybe she already has!

Are you having trouble opening up and giving people a chance? Book a free consultation with me and see how I can help you take down your walls and start dating with a beginner’s mind!

Are You Your Own Worst Frenemy

Why Rushing Into Relationships Rarely Works


Why Rushing Into Relationships Rarely Works

Why Rushing Into Relationships Rarely Works

So, you finally connected with someone you actually like online and you can barely contain your enthusiasm. Even if you wanted to stop yourself from getting sucked into a vortex, you can’t. All you can do is obsess over him and wonder if he’s The One. He’s totally your type—tall and dark with those slanty, puppy dog eyes you love so much. Besides, you’re already LOL-ing at his every text. At this point, you wouldn’t even consider dating anyone else. You have to see where it goes. And anyway, you’re not the type who can date more than one person at a time. So what if a week ago you didn’t even know each other? For the past six days you’ve been leaping out of bed in the morning, grabbing for your phone like some junkie desperate for a fix, then breathing a sigh of relief at the sight of his texts: “Hey Babe! Off to work. Just checkin in. Wassup tonight? Wanna catch a movie?” Knowing that you were the first person he was thinking of each morning makes you tingle from head to toe. He’s your new best friend and the two of you haven’t even met yet. This happens all the time in the dating world.

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how the rest of this story ends… but I will. More often than not our heroine—that would be you—crashes and burns. Either she goes out and sleeps with him right away, and he disappears or she tells him she’s not that kind of girl and that she is looking for a committed relationship, and he disappears. Next comes the fatal morning when she wakes up, checks her phone, and just like that there’s no cute text waiting from him. No matter how much she tells herself that she shouldn’t take it personally, she can’t help but think she must have done something wrong.

I was that woman once. I didn’t have the first clue about how to look for a life partner. Like a lot of the women I coach, I got sucked into the instant relationship vortex all the time. I just figured that, if a guy was paying attention to me, it must mean that he thought I was special. I wanted a relationship so badly that I never stopped to think this might not be the case. It took me a long time to figure out that I was making a lot of assumptions about the way men think that were just plain wrong.

I am not telling you that these things never work out. All I am saying is that you might save yourself a lot of time and heartache by slowing down and entering into your next relationship in a more conscious way.

So, let’s break this scenario down and look at some of the mistakes you might be making:

  1. Mistake #1: Assuming that when a man pursues you it means he wants to have a relationship with you.

We hear it all the time: men love “the chase.” Supposedly, it’s how they’re wired. It has something to do with stalking and hunting behaviors from bygone days. In truth, most women love being pursued by men, too, because it triggers our need to feel desired. But just because a man shows interest, you can’t assume that he wants to have a relationship with you. By and large, women are seeking committed relationships while most men are actively looking for sexual conquests. If a man happens to meet someone special and he is ready for a commitment, he might go for it, but this isn’t his main agenda. You have to be aware that even good guys will sleep with you if they think you’re hot and you’re willing to put out. So, if you’re serious about finding a life partner, you need to slow down and find out if the guy you’re falling for is really interested in getting to know you or if he’s just interested in sleeping with you. If he’s only interested in sex, it isn’t going to go anywhere, no matter how excited he seems in the beginning. You can be sure that, when the conquest is over, your love story will abruptly and tragically come to an end.

  1. Mistake #2: Assuming that just because a man is texting you all day everyday, he’s interested in getting to know you.

Texting might be one the very best things that ever happened to men. They can seduce women and ask them out on dates without ever having to actually speak to them. In fact, just by texting a woman at frequent intervals, a man can hook her into thinking he’s interested in her. Be careful. Don’t make these texts mean more than they do. You can’t assume that just because a man is texting you, it means he’s interested in really getting to know you. How do you know that some guy you just met isn’t sending the same morning text to five other women? I’m not telling you this to make you more suspicious of men. I am telling you this because you need to take care of yourself and start to enter into relationships with both eyes and ears open and both feet on the ground.

  1. Mistake #3: Assuming that just because a guy is crazy about you he’s right for you.

Even if he is pushing hard, moving fast, and showing you a lot of interest, you cannot assume that he’s your soul mate. In fact, many men intentionally try to sweep us off our feet. The faster they move, the less time we have to think about whether or not they’re really a good fit for us. Many men will come at you hard and fast and try to sweep you off your feet because it reduces the risk of rejection for them. Given enough time, you would probably decide that a cute starving artist isn’t really worth the time and trouble. Especially after you go to dinner a couple of times and he starts forgetting his wallet.

  1. Assuming that just because you’re ready for an instant relationship he is, too.

Just because someone shows interest in you, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re the only person he’s interested in dating. There’s a huge leap between finding a person attractive and wanting to be in a relationship with that person. Even if someone does want to explore a relationship with you right away, you need to slow it down. Two people shouldn’t be exclusive right out of the starting gate. They should pace themselves and space out their dates to one or two a week for the first few weeks. It boggles my mind to see how people are so quick to create what I refer to as instant relationships, to go from not knowing someone at all to texting each other morning, noon, and night—all within in a matter of days. I know you want to get off the dating scene and start building a future with someone, but you need to be careful about who you let into your life. Take the time to get to know someone and rush into a relationship with anyone.

Staying grounded when some totally hot guy is showing a lot of interest in you can be hard, but recovering from the disappointment of your failed expectations can be even harder. Many guys out there know how to play into our romantic fantasies and sweep us off our feet. Hey, who doesn’t love a hot romance, but finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with probably won’t result from some instant relationship. It’s up to you to keep your wits about you and resist the urge to fall into that vortex. Slow down and find a great man who is on the same page as you are. This way you’ll have someone who wants to write a storybook romance with you!

If you get anxious and rush into relationships too fast, book a consultation with me to learn how to manage your anxiety so you can find a relationship that will last!

Why Rushing Into Relationships Rarely Works


You Might Need to Shape Up Before You Shack Up

Couple Taking A Break During House Move

You Might Need to Shape Up Before You Shack Up

When two people are totally crazy about each other, the idea of living together can seem wildly romantic. I mean, how could you not want to wake up next to the person you love every morning and fall asleep in his arms every night? But a lot of my couples tell me that they moved in together before really thinking it through—and my assistant, Sara, is no exception. If you’re anything like Sara, you might need to shape up before you shack up!

It seems like yesterday Sara couldn’t stop talking about moving in with her boyfriend. She thought she was ready to make this big move, but she quickly found out she had a lot to learn. The first couple of weeks were amazing. She told me about how they cooked yummy meals together, bought plants for every room, and left sweet notes for one another around the house. It all seemed perfect.

But a couple of weeks later, when she showed up to work, the happy glow was gone… and I mean it had disappeared. Apparently, she and her boyfriend, Luke, had their first big fight the night before—and things had gotten pretty ugly. Luke had become jealous over one of her exes who was in town and wanted to get together with her. Sara couldn’t believe that Luke was making such a big deal over this guy. Their relationship had barely been a blip on her radar and it had happened years ago. Luke was being ridiculous and acting like a baby all week. Sara was sick of tiptoeing around him. One night after they’d had a few drinks, she confronted Luke and he exploded. They wound up arguing late into the night. Sara said that her first instinct was to grab her things and leave, but then she realized that she had nowhere to go. She was already home.

“I feel gutted,” she told me the day after it happened, sounding confused and defeated. “I love him so much, but I wonder if we rushed into things. Neither of us wound up sleeping on the couch that night, but now I’m wondering if we were really prepared to move in together.”

With time—and a few coaching tips from me—Sara and Luke were able to talk through their differences and create an even stronger bond. Sara realized that living in close proximity with someone she loves requires a lot more maturity than she’d originally thought. Here are her four takeaways for those of you who are thinking about shacking up with your significant other:

  1. Step away from the Chardonnay…

“Contrary to popular belief, the best time to talk about an issue or problem is not after you’ve a had a few drinks. I don’t know if you’re like me, but that’s when I tend to want to talk about things the most. My inhibitions are lowered and I’m not afraid to say what’s on my mind… which is the exactly the problem. Looking back on that night, I said some pretty awful things to Luke, things I wished I could have taken back in the light of day. In Luke’s defense, he had asked me to wait until the morning when we were sober and could talk about things more rationally. What I learned from that night is that I need to be smart about conflict—I can’t always avoid it, but I can avoid making matters worse by adding alcohol (or anything else that might impair my judgment) to the mix.” 

  1. Don’t sweat the small stuff…

“My boyfriend can’t stand it when I leave little toothpaste globs in the sink. I, on the other hand, feel like murdering him when he leaves his stinky gym shoes smack in the middle of the living room floor—I mean, is he trying to kill me, or what!? Pesky as these habits are, they aren’t deal breakers. If something is truly bothering me, I need to mention it, but I am also learning that, both Luke and I have to accept each other’s foibles. Now, when I see his sneakers lying on the floor, I laugh and chuck them in the closet. I’ve also begun to notice that someone other than me is keeping the sink cleaner. The moral of this story is that, when you move in with your partner, you’re going to see it all: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the just plain annoying—and you are going to have to learn to live with a lot of it.”

  1. It’s not all about you… anymore

“When I was on my own, I didn’t have tell anyone my whereabouts or check in before making plans. I was on my own schedule. If I came home at 3:00 am, it didn’t matter. No one was waiting up for me. If a friend said, “Let’s grab dinner,” I would just go. When I moved in with Luke, I started feeling resentful when he made comments about how much time I spent with friends. At first, I thought he was being controlling, but then I realized he just wanted to be with me. I had never lived with a guy before and I’d never had to consider someone else’s feelings in this way. The truth is that he loves how social I am and that I have close friends. He just wants to be my #1 and that’s what I want, too.”

  1. Curb your inner bitch…

“This wasn’t the first fight Luke and I had, it was just the first one we had as roommates. While recovering from a big fight can take time, it didn’t feel right to keep holding on to my anger and resentment towards Luke. The next day we sat down and talked honestly and calmly about what happened. With clearer heads, we were able to listen to what the other had to say and realize that there was truth to both sides. The sting of the fight didn’t go away immediately, but we both saw that our relationship is more important than our need to be right. I wish that argument hadn’t happened, but I’m proud of the way we worked through the conflict and used it to bring us closer together.”


Moving in together is an important step in any relationship, and not one to be taken lightly. As much as you might want to prepare for what lies ahead, there are always going to be surprises. Any two people moving in together have to learn how compromise and make adjustments so both people feel comfortable. As for Sara, she and Luke are still figuring each other out and learning as they go along. It’s equal parts scary and exciting, but that’s the beauty of building intimacy in a relationship… and Sara says she wouldn’t have it any other way.

If you would like help with any of your dating and relationship issues, book a consultation today!



ASK LISA: Can I trust my boyfriend again?

My boyfriend posted a profile on looking for “friends.” Can I trust him again if he takes it down?


I don’t know what to do. Five months ago Adam and I started dating. When we met, he was the sweetest guy and I thought I had found someone I could spend my life with. He’s from a small town and he seemed to have old-fashioned values and know how to treat a girl. But then the most awful thing happened. I found out through friends that he had posted a profile on and that he actually emailed a couple of my girlfriends. He hasn’t met all of my friends, so he didn’t know that they were friends of mine, but my friends had seen his picture. When I confronted him, he said that he had put on his profile that he was only looking for friends. I don’t know what to do. All of my friends think that I should break up with him. The problem is that I lost my virginity to him and I still have feelings for him. I also don’t understand why he still wants me to be his girlfriend if he is looking for more than just friends on Do you think if I ask him to take down the profile and he does that I can trust him? And what if he really was just looking for friends?

Thanks for your help,



Hi Alana,

While I think your friends are right, ideally you should break up with Adam, I know that, on a physical level, this won’t be easy to do. You lost your virginity to him and the two of you have a sexual bond. Whenever you are sexually involved with someone, your body produces hormones that cause you to feel connected to that person. (Scientists are not positive, but they think that the hormone in women that causes us to bond is called Oxytocin.) So, even if your mind tells you to break up with him, as long as you keep seeing him, your body will keep telling you not to break up with him. Every time you see and smell him—yes, smell him—you will feel aroused. As harsh as this sounds: the best and fastest way to break that bond is by and not having any further contact with him.

So why should you break up with Adam? Here’s the deal: There isn’t a woman on this planet who would be okay with her boyfriend going on to look for “friends.” So, either Adam is incredibly naïve or he thinks you’re stupid enough to believe his ridiculous story. Either way, it’s not good. A guy with a girlfriend doesn’t go on a dating site to look for friends. Everyone knows that, if you want to find friends, you go on Facebook—that’s what it’s for. You can ask him to take the profile down, but in my experience, you are going to be paranoid and have a hard time trusting anything he says from now on. Relationships are built on one thing: trust. If you don’t have trust, you don’t have a relationship. Can trust be rebuilt in relationships? Absolutely, but it takes two mature adults who are willing to really work on themselves and the relationship to make that happen. I don’t get the feeling that Adam is very mature. Alana, if you stay in this, you will only lose respect for yourself. Get out before you get hurt anymore.

With love,





“As fate would have it”

lisa shield

I am so excited to share the following email. It is one of the most extraordinary pieces of correspondence I’ve received in 10 years of coaching! I am reprinting it here with the permission of my client, Osa Notting. Click here to schedule a session. 

As fate would have it, Osa’s email arrived at a most opportune time, right when I was struggling with an unusual number of coaching clients whose dating lives were suffering because of their rigid beliefs ideas about the kinds of partners they wanted. As a dating coach, I know that the more inflexible people are about what they’re looking for, the harder it becomes to find someone. The more my clients are willing to go out with all different kinds of people—even those who don’t fit their preconceived notions of their ideal partner—the easier it is for them to find someone who is a truly good fit. This is especially true when it comes to things like age and other physical characteristics. So many people shoot themselves in the foot and limit their choices by being rigid about certain physical qualities that, in the grander scheme of things, DON’T MATTER.  When I met my husband, he was 30 pounds heavier and 2 1/2 inches taller than me. With time, he is now an inch shorter and 30 pounds lighter. I, on the other hand, have gained 25 pounds since we met. Such is life :)

Here are a few examples of what I am talking about: One 58-year-old client will only date younger men with full heads of hair. Another female client who is 5’2” will only date men 5’10” and taller. The men are even pickier. One portly man who is in his early sixties will only look at slender women who are no older than 45. A very handsome Asian client insists that he will only date blond-haired, blue-eyed Caucasian women—the majority of whom never write him back. When I try to get them to open up and consider other options, they all tell me: “I can’t help it. This is what I’m attracted to.” You know, I think Patrick Wilson is the handsomest man alive and my husband is enamored with Penelope Cruz, but here we are.

Osa’s email is a testament to what I am saying and serves as an inspiration to us all. You cannot know what kind of package your soul mate will come in. The best thing you can do is this: Open up your heart and mind to the magical journey of dating and allow yourself to be mystified and surprised, like Osa. I hope you enjoy her email as much as I did! FYI, I tried to edit it down length-wise as much as I could, but there is such pure joy here that I didn’t want to lose the beauty of what she’s saying.

Hi Lisa,


There have been some major awesome changes for me already, thanks to you and my Tony Robbins coach, Jessie. The last time we spoke I told you about a man named Jay whom I met during the fall. He was my contractor on a build out. When I spoke with him on the phone from Sweden last summer about the job coming up, I felt this super duper connection with him, and it stayed with me for months.  I also dreamt of him on several occasions and those dreams were amazing.  We started playing tennis together in December, and I was always joking and flirting with him, but he seemed shy and not interested.  To tell you the truth, I had also been feeling VERY ambivalent about my feelings for him, questioning HOW it could be possible for me to feel a connection with this man?  He is short, Caucasian, (I always go for dark-skinned men), he has a beard, and one eye?!  Short was by far the biggest problem for me.  I kept telling my friend Jen about him, over and over again.  I told her that he seemed kind, loving, and super sweet in every way. We had this fabulous connection, but he IS short, so I felt he “couldn’t be THE man, cause in my mind my future man is tall.”


Then, I had my talk with you, got that book you recommended, and worked on speaking my naked truth (which I realized I had never really done before because, strangely enough, I thought I had).  I really worked on embodying what you said.  I allowed myself to be more feminine and more vulnerable, and I saw that you were right: Men and women are equal, but they have different roles. I LOVE THAT! It really hit the mark!


Finally in March Jay told me, “I’m obsessing over you, and I can’t get you out of my mind!”  That was the first time he opened up to me. Before that, I was worried that he may be emotionally unavailable, like every other man in my past. During this conversation, I had to work on staying in my naked truth and being vulnerable.  This made me realize some of the ways I had been behaving with men! I was floored!! I kept moving my eyes away, I didn’t listen to the kind things he told me—I brushed them off, cut him off, feeling I wasn’t worthy of his attention. After that conversation it became very clear that I had been self-sabotaging in some really awkward ways, attracting emotionally unavailable men and then trying so hard to change them.  Most of all, I realized that I hadn’t felt like I was worthy of having a loving man in my life!


On March 9th he called me and asked if I was available for dinner that night. SURE I was! He picked me up and we went to a nearby restaurant and had the MOST amazing time. He was totally emotionally available, and more interestingly, I WAS ALSO! For the first time in 41 years, I was able to receive this gift of speaking the naked truth with a man and receiving the same. I’m amazed and grateful. Everything since March 9th has happened so very fast.


So, Jay and I are in love, we love each other, totally respect each other, and we’re 100% emotionally open with each other.  I tried fighting it a bit because he is short, but after writing down 100+ things I want in my man and seeing that he has every quality on my list except for the fact that he’s short, I realized that I was just being stupid. He is loving, gentle, smart, ambitious, cute, positive, loyal, honest, single, emotionally available, has a great sense of humor—we laugh at the same stuff, he is EXTREMELY GENEROUS with his love and attention, he’s a gentleman, he’s supportive, and so on. As an example, I had told him how special March 21 was for me—that’s the day my dad passed away and my life changed forever—so he honored that memory in such a beautiful way by sending a gorgeous bouquet of flowers to my work. 


Lisa, this man is EVERYTHING I have ever dreamt of; in fact, it’s hard not to feel that I’m dreaming!  I love him, Lisa. I feel he makes me a better person. I WANT to be ALL of the great things he is to me. We are so open and honest with each other. We feel like old souls. I am the luckiest woman on this earth! Truly. This is an experience that I cherish for the rest of my life and the best part of it is that DEEP IN MY SOUL I FEEL I AM WORTHY OF IT, OF HAVING THIS AMAZING LOVING MAN IN MY LIFE. I AM SOOOOOO WORTHY OF IT. And he knows and he agrees. And we are just happy to be in each other’s lives.  I feel I’m in this ginormous puzzle and now, at last, the pieces are falling into place. I am blessed, truly. I feel that to have Jay now in my life was worth the loooong wait, and all the sorrows and pain I endured along that wait. With confidence I can say that this man loves me, not “I think he loves me, or I think he is into me.” No, Jay loves me. He adores me. He has my best interest at heart. Not because of what he says, but because of what he does. And I feel it. I’m very, very grateful.


I feel I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him. I ask myself if I’m crazy for even thinking that, but I trust my feelings and the connection Jay and I have, and that’s my honest truth. He is THE ONE :)))))


So where do you and I go from here? Thank you for reading this long email. An hour or something ago I thought it would have been a short text, lol. From my iPhone and all. 


Thank you so very much for your support.

Hugs from NYC :)


Osa Notting

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Sex and the City Revisited: After the Economic Crisis

“Carrie: Honey, if it hurts so much, why are we going shopping?
Samantha: I have a broken toe, not a broken spirit.”

–Sex and the City

Most women over thirty just aren’t that open to going out to meet men after they’ve been running errands all day or working ten hours straight.  We’d rather curl up with a good book or the dog.  Or maybe, we’d kick back on the sofa watching Sex andthe City reruns.  We would marvel at Carrie and the Gang’s endless ability to dress up, socialize, and trawl for men, and wonder,  “Where do they get all that energy?”  Even if we had their mysterious incomes and teams of stylists, we’d be so exhausted from all the shopping and grooming that we wouldn’t have the oomph to dress up and go out.  So, we’d have a friend come over and watch Sex and the City reruns instead.

But there’s another problem: as we’ve grown older and, hopefully, wiser, Carrie and the Gang have remained immortal.  Now, watching them rush around like there’s no tomorrow and over analyze their lives…read more

Become closer to your partner, schedule a valuable 1-hour session today

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770

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