Interestingly enough, most of the people who come to me for dating coaching don’t come just to learn how to date. There is so much information out there on the “ins and outs” of dating that it’s easy to find anywhere on the web. They don’t need me for that. You probably don’t need to read another article on The 10 Best Places to Meet Quality Men or The 5 Thing to Never Say on a First Date, either. I will tell you this: You will not find another system out there that is as well thought out or can take your dating experience to a deeper level than Naked Dating®. I don’t just show you superficial things about dating. Naked Dating digs in and gets you to see dating as a transformational process that helps you become a more loving, openhearted person so that you can attract true love. There are certain things that I can help you accomplish in the dating arena that are not as easily achieved through reading a book, going to therapy, or even by working with other dating coaches.
Here are the top three reasons people come to me for Naked Dating® coaching:
- To Identify and Break Repeated Relationship Patterns
- To Hold them Accountable for Dating
- To Understand What Real Love Looks Like and Develop the Faith That It Exists
Identifying and breaking repeated relationship patterns…
Last Friday, I saw a new client for just this issue. As Kristi described her most recent dating disaster, tears streamed from her aquamarine eyes. “He told me he wanted to be exclusive from the first date. Another dating coach I saw said that this was a great sign. On her advice, I asked him for a promise ring and he gave it to me. He said he would take care of me forever, but then it got weird. He wouldn’t slow down. It was like he was obsessed with me. I asked him to slow down, but he got so defensive and mean that I had to break it off. Why do I keep attracting these really passive-aggressive guys? I meet these guys and it’s hot and heavy for a few weeks and then everything falls apart. I can’t keep doing this.” The stream of tears now flowed like a river. “I can’t…keep…doing this,” she moaned.
Many of you might already have seen that you can go out on one date after another, but if you’re repeating the same patterns, attracting different versions of the same person over and over again, nothing is going to change. You will never find a truly loving relationship this way. One of the hardest things to do is to identify and break relationship patterns. Why? Because we are so convinced that the flood of emotions we feel when we meet someone who triggers our pattern is love. “But I can’t help it. This is what I am attracted to.” I hear this all the time from clients. As long as you keep telling yourself this, then it’s true. You will keep thinking that the crazy over-the-top feeling you get when you meet someone who is wrong for you is love. “But it feels so good and it feels so real, and I want to have chemistry with someone.” As long as you believe this, it will be your reality. The truth is that your beliefs are what cause you to feel a certain way, not the other way around. You do not feel aroused and then think, “God, he’s hot.” You think, “God, he’s hot!” and then you start feeling aroused. As your coach, I will help you first identify your relationship patterns and then we will begin to change the thinking that is causing you to repeat these patterns. Just being aware of the pattern doesn’t help you stop repeating it. To break a pattern you need to change the belief system that’s causing you to feel a certain way. Then, you need to apply this to the choices you make in dating. You need to go out on dates and break the pattern by making different choices in the moment. As your Naked Dating® coach, I will show you how this is done.
Holding you accountable for dating…
One of my all-time favorite clients emailed me this past Friday for an emergency powwow (session). Here’s what she said:
Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. I’m looking forward to seeing you too and having you help me not be a dating dodo! Heading into week two of online dating, pretty hilarious (as I’m sure you know), even had a guy send me a picture of him holding two big coconuts in front of his two little coconuts… hahaha people… please!
But here are my questions and concerns about me! I’m afraid that I may turn away a good match because:
a) I’m not impressed with their profession
b) I’m not super attracted to them psychically
I’ve just begun communicating with a guy that’s handsome and seems sweet but he works in construction/building. And I feel like an ass because I’m being very “judgey” (in my head) about it. Then there have been a couple other nice guys but I’m really not that attracted to them.
I definitely think I’m going to need your help so I don’t pass up a guy for a BS reason OR don’t say yes because I feel guilty. Ha! It’s good to be me.
My clients know how important it is to have an expert watch over and encouraging them through the dating process. As your Naked Dating® coach, I will be with you every step of the way, reminding you of how special you are, that true love exists, and that it is yours for the taking. I will help you spot the good guys and let the not-so-good-guys go. When you go out on one dead-end date after another, it can be tough to stay optimistic and keep the momentum. Who better than me to keep you going through that process? Before I met my husband, I went on nearly 100 first dates in two years. You heard me right: I went on nearly 100 first dates in two years. Only two of those dates were second dates. If anyone knows how challenging this process can be, it’s me. But I found true love and you can too! Let me help you!
Helping you understand what true love is and helping you keep the faith that you can find it…
This is my personal favorite reason for coaching and it’s why I became a coach. I grew up in a very unloving and critical family. From a very early age, I knew that something was seriously wrong with the way my parents treated each other. They divorced when I was ten, and I became trapped in the middle of their failed marriage. I had no way to guard against the vicious things they said to me about one another. I was too young to understand how poisonous it is to gossip, but I knew intuitively that something was terribly wrong with what they were doing. As a kid, all I wanted to do was love my parents. Like I lot of people, when I grew up, I married a man who was like my father and repeated many of my parents’ mistakes. When that ended, I vowed to figure out what real love looked like and how to find it. I couldn’t keep repeating the same mistakes and recreating loveless relationships.
This is how Naked Dating® was born. When I left my first husband, I spent six years doing some serious interpersonal work on myself, doing everything from traditional therapy to working with a well-known Mexican shaman, Don Miguel Ruiz. At some point, everything I was learning about love and relationships started to make sense. I realized that true and unconditional love started with me: that the way to attract true love was by becoming a truly loving person. I didn’t just go out on dates and look for The One. I focused on becoming The One. I knew that change comes from within and that I would only attract the partner I wanted by becoming the kind of partner I wanted to attract. This is the heart and soul of Naked Dating® and it is something I can show you how to do.
Ten years ago, I met the love of my life. The other day my husband looked at me and said, “You know, I think we have the relationship most people are looking for.” One thing I know for sure is that I don’t think two people could love, respect, or cherish each other more than we do. As your coach, I can offer you the perspective of someone who has been on both sides of the equation. I took my theories and ideas about what it takes to find love, put them to the test in my own life, and found the closet thing I can imagine to true and unconditional love. Because I was so grateful for the love I found, I created Naked Dating® so I could help others find the love they want and deserve. For the past ten years, I have guided others along this same path. Perhaps you’ll be next? I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I can tell you that figuring out how to love and have a loving relationship has made the most profound difference in my life. Waking up every day knowing that I am loved and knowing that there is someone there by my side to walk through life with me is the closet thing to peace on earth we can achieve. Love is yours for the taking. All you have to do is find first it inside yourself and then find another person to share it with. Naked Dating® can show you how it’s done.