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28 Things Every Woman Wishes Her Man Knew

28 things every woman wishes her man knew

28 Things Every Woman Wishes Her Man Knew

Let’s face it: women are way more confusing than men. We expect you to know the answers to questions we aren’t even sure of. Sometimes, figuring us out can seem as impossible as trying to solve a Rubix Cube blindfolded. This week, we thought we would throw you dirty dogs a bone and give you the Cliffs Notes to understanding women. Here are 28 things every woman wishes her man knew about her. If you think these are tough, you should see the 5,098 other tips we left on the cutting room floor!

  1. We never get to the point. Is there a point?
  1. We’re emotional. Deal with it.
  1. Silence is torture for most of us. The majority of women are talkers.
  1. We never get tired of hearing how good we look.
  1. Beyoncé was channeling the divine truth when she sang the words, “If you want it you better put a ring on it.”
  1. If you want to be guaranteed to get some at the end of the night, you gotta ratchet up the romance.
  1. We drop hints about the things we want you to do for us all the time… and we love a guy who picks up on them.
  1. Sending flowers can only make up for so much… then you need to send those little blue boxes, the kind that say “Tiffany & Co.” on them.
  1. Flowers on anniversaries and birthdays are to be expected, but smart guys send anytime with notes that say, “Just because I love you.” You score extra points if you send them to our office where all our coworkers can see them.
  1. Texting is fine, but if we’re into you, we would love you to pick up the phone so we can hear your voice.
  1. It’s easy to find younger women attractive, but what we really want to hear is how you think women get more beautiful as they get older.
  1. If you lock your phone or put it face down in front of us, it’s just going to make us curious.
  1. Men who can cook are sexy.
  1. We don’t respect a man who will let us walk all over him, and we can sense it from a mile away.
  1. A lot of us still think you should make the first move… and pay for dinner, especially while you’re courting us.
  1. Most of the time, we aren’t looking for answers. We just want you to listen and tell us everything will be okay.
  1. We will never think your burp and fart jokes are funny.
  1. We want to feel protected. We expect you to call us after a fight, even if we started it.
  1. If we’re in a relationship and we try to push you away, we really don’t want you to go. We you want you to fight for us.
  1. We tell you how strong and independent we are, but we really don’t want to be that that way that with you.
  1. I know we make it look easy, but looking this good takes time. Don’t rush us when we have a mascara wand in our hand.
  1. No matter how many clothes are in the closet, we’ll never have anything to wear.
  1. We will never own enough pretty, sparkly things.
  1. If you don’t want us to act like your mother, start acting like a man.
  1. PMS is a real thing, but some of us have been known to use it our advantage.
  1. The “Hallmark” of a great guy is one that knows his way around a greeting card.
  1. Don’t take it personally if you can’t get us off. It’s not as easy for us as it is for you.
  1. Also try not to take it so personally when we turn you down. We might be PMS-ing or we might be feeling fat. Sometimes we just can’t face the one-eyed monster.

 

I’m sure you could tell us a thing or two about what men would like us to know about them… if we would just let you get a word in edgewise! 😉

 

Are you having trouble connecting with the opposite sex? Book a free consultation with me today.

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No More Interviews:

Four Tools to Stop You From Interviewing Your Dates

No More Interviews! “Where’d you grow up? What kind of food do you like? Do you want to get married again? Are you a cat person or a dog person???”

Let’s face it—first dates are nothing if not anxiety provoking. Two perfect strangers walk into a room, each with their own set of nerves, baggage, and expectations, hoping for a connection. Both daters want to have a good time and get to know the person sitting across from them, but before you know it, someone’s firing off a dozen questions and the date feels like a grueling job interview. It’s a total vibe killer.

The other day, my assistant told me a story about a bad date between two friends she had set up that ended up being another unfortunate casualty of the dreaded first date interview. The girl was one of her close friend’s from high school and the guy was one of her boyfriend’s longtime family friends. They were both young, good looking, and had promising careers in the art world. It seemed like a perfect match. When my assistant called her friend to hear about how the date went, she couldn’t believe it when she told her it was one of the worst dates she’d ever been on. “I felt like I was on a job interview,” she said. “He just kept asking me question after question, and I felt really uncomfortable.” Curious to hear the other side of the story, my assistant had her boyfriend get the scoop on the date from his friend. And here’s the rub—he complained about the same thing! They both felt like they had been on an interview and that the other was too guarded and closed off to make a real connection.

Her story got me thinking about my clients and how so many of them struggle with the very same issue on dates. They just don’t know how to relax and open up, and they often go home feeling totally dejected. But it doesn’t have to be this way! Here’s a list of four things you can try on your next date to avoid succumbing to that first date interview and make a real connection with someone:

  1. Ask open-ended questions – rather than jumping from subject to subject, take one topic and explore it. A great way to do this is by asking your date open-ended questions that require more than just a one-word answer. For example, if you’re into film and want to get a feel for your date’s interest in the subject, try asking “what kind of films do you enjoy?” as opposed to “what’s your favorite movie?” The idea is to get your date to open up and share his/her thoughts, feelings, and passions. If you let the conversation flow naturally, you might find the answers to those burning questions will present themselves on their own.
  2. Get comfortable with silence – When it comes to first dates, people often talk about that dreaded “awkward silence.” But why does it have to be awkward? If there’s a lull in the conversation, don’t panic. Use it as an opportunity to get closer to your date and connect on a deeper level. Make eye contact, smile, read his/her body language. I know this can be scary for some people. We’re so accustomed to thinking of silence as uncomfortable or an indication that a date isn’t going well. If your instinct is to break the silence with a series of rapid-fire questions or idle chatter, try taking three deep breaths first. You might find the “awkwardness” will pass on its own and the conversation will resume organically.
  3. Go into each date with a Beginner’s Mind – In Zen Buddhism, there is a concept called Shoshin, or “beginner’s mind.” It encourages an attitude of openness and eagerness when it comes to study, but it can also be applied to first dates! When you’ve been out in the dating world for a while, it’s easy to get discouraged and bring negativity into a date. Just because your last date was a bust, it doesn’t mean your next one will be. I encourage you to practice Shoshin and to approach each date with a fresh perspective, an open heart, and a beginner’s mind.
  4. Practice Naked Dating –Naked Dating® is about tapping into your dates on an emotional level—that’s where a real connection happens. It’s difficult for us to do this because we’re so accustomed to operating on an intellectual level in other parts of our lives. We’re taught that we need to be strong and self-reliant in the workplace, and because of that, we lose some of the softness and vulnerability that makes us attractive. Naked Dating® is about letting down your guard and allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable with your dates. It’s about looking at each date as an opportunity not only to meet a potential match, but to get to know yourself better, learn how to ask for what you want, and open yourself up to new possibilities in life and love.

While I can’t offer you a magic wand that will take away all your first date jitters or guarantee your next date will be a perfect match, I can tell you with confidence that if you start trying these approaches on your dates, that dreaded first date interview will become a thing of the past. You’ll start connecting with your dates on a deeper, more emotional level, and you’ll go home at the end of the night knowing that even if you didn’t meet “the one,” you learned something about yourself and what you’re looking for in the process. You’ll stop interviewing your dates and start dating Naked!

If you’re having trouble connecting with your dates, book a free consultation with me:

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Jennifer’s Story

My client, Jennifer, and I have been coaching together for the past five months. Jennifer is a very attractive, high-powered professional in her early forties. Like many of my clients, she woke up one day and realized that she had attained almost everything she wanted in life except a partner to share it with. Somehow, this important piece had eluded her. Why was this beautiful, successful, sexy woman still single? Jennifer decided to hire a dating coach to help her find out. As luck would have it, that dating coach was me.

Jennifer has been a joy to work with—she’s a dream client. I love her sense of humor and I have so much respect for the way she’s stretched herself and grown throughout the coaching process. I thought she’d be the perfect person to interview for this newsletter so that she could share her experience of what it’s like to work with a dating coach. So, without further adieu, here’s Jennifer!

Lisa: So, what prompted you to contact a dating coach?

Jennifer: Well, absolutely nothing was happening on the dating front, and it started to become clear to me that I needed help figuring out what I was doing wrong. Something happened that got me to start looking for a coach. Did I ever tell you that story?

L: No, but I would love to hear about it.

J: This is really embarrassing, but I was watching The Biggest Loser and there was this guy. I think he was about 24. He’d been overweight all his life and he’d ever been on a date, so he felt pretty lousy about himself. The show thought it might help him stay on his diet if they hired a dating coach for him. He was set up on dates and then the coach gave him feedback on how he did. It got me thinking: “If this guy can get someone to help him date, why can’t I?” So, right then and there, I went and Googled dating coaches… and whose name should pop up? I was able to book a session right away through your online calendar so I just went for it… and the rest is history.

L: I love it! What were you hoping to get from working with a dating coach?

J: My friends were willing to give me dating advice, but they knew me too well to tell me what my barriers were, and I certainly wasn’t able to see them on my own. So, I figured it would be helpful to get a fresh perspective. I knew that some of the behaviors that came so naturally to me must not be attractive to men. I didn’t know if maybe I seemed standoffish or if I just wasn’t being warm and open, but I felt that a dating expert could help me see what I was doing wrong.

L: What have you learned from the coaching? 

J: OMG! I’ve learned a ton from you… so much that it’s hard to put into words. You’ve completely changed my mindset and outlook on dating. You encouraged me to embrace the softer side of myself. You told me that guys are not looking for a business associate; they want a playmate, a lover, and a best friend—someone they can love and feel safe opening up to.

Schedule a session with Lisa by clicking on this link

Another thing you pointed out is that I rush around a lot.  I’m a very type A personality. You encouraged me to slow down and be more present.  You said that women who are present and in their bodies are more sensual and more attractive to men.

You also radically changed the way I think about the kind of men I should be looking for.  You encouraged me not to be in such a hurry to meet someone. You said that I should enjoy the process of getting to know men and letting them get to know me.  I had a lot of barriers up.  I was always giving men the stiff arm and I certainly wasn’t practicing getting Naked. I was dating, but I wasn’t letting anyone get close to me: “You stay over there and I will tell you as much as I want to tell you when I want tell it to you.”  That’s not good behavior if you want to form a relationship.

There is so much that I’ve learned.  I think about what you tell me all the time, and I hope I’m putting it into practice.  Just being able to describe all of this is monumental for me.  These concepts are really simple, but if someone doesn’t know them, they could be sitting on the sidelines forever.

L: Would you mention three things you appreciate about having me as your coach?

J: The first thing is that your comments and observations are down-to-earth and real. I love how you discourage playing games of any kind. You’ve shown me how to go out on dates and practice getting emotionally naked so that a man can get to know and fall in love with the real me. The guidance you’ve given me is practical and it really works.

Another thing I appreciate about you is that I don’t feel like I’m just another client. I feel like I am your project, but in a good way. You truly care. You even touch base with me outside of the sessions.  You are continually nudging me to be active and pursue dating.  I genuinely feel that you want me to find a life partner as much as I do… and that’s unusual.  I feel like you put your heart and soul into helping your clients.

The third thing I love about you is that you tell it like it is. I will never forget the time you called me to the carpet and said that I sucked as a client. You said that you were frustrated because I had everything going for me and you couldn’t help me if I wasn’t going to help myself. That was really impressive because I am paying you to coach me, but that didn’t matter to you. You were more committed to telling me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear. You were trying to figure out a way to shake me up and get me moving in the right direction.  I loved that.  It was the greatest experience.

L: If people are on the fence about hiring a dating coach, what would you tell them? 

J: Don’t be embarrassed about it. It’s okay to admit that you need help with this part of your life. Your prince won’t arrive if you’re stuck in your everyday life. You need to have someone to help you get out of your own way so that you can connect with your prince and let him in.  We’re so willing to ask for help in other ways, whether it using a financial adviser or getting a personal trainer. There’s nothing wrong with recognizing that you need a little help in the dating world.  I had to see that I couldn’t do it myself.  I had to see that I needed an outside opinion. I had to get out of my own way. Don’t be embarrassed to embrace learning about the dating process. Working with you is one of the best things I’ve ever done.

Make the first step to finding the one, schedule a valuable session by clicking here

Digital Deal Breakers: Avoiding Date Drama w/ Tech-Savvy Singles

It’s a fact: We live in a digital world.

digital dealbreakers

While many of us have at least some sort of social networking presence—whether on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, or a personal blog—most of us stay connected through our cell phones. While the miracles of technology are many (for one, it allows us to stay in touch with our friends and families long-distance), our phones and Facebook profiles can cause some serious dating drama. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a “Why was she writing that flirty comment on your wall?” or a “Who is that guy who keeps liking all of your pictures?” interrogation, you know this to be true. Our ability to stay constantly connected can be a double-edged sword, and a sharp one at that. We have to ask ourselves: How much of a good thing is too much? When can constant connectivity get you in trouble, and what do singles look for when they scope out potential partners?

For starters, lose the passcode.
According to Match.com’s third annual study on the single population, 77% of women and 53% of men wouldn’t date someone who is secretive about their texts. In fact, women get pretty serious when it comes to digital transparency. 74% of women say they read more

Make the first step to finding the one, schedule an appointment with Dating & Relationship Expert, Lisa Shield.  pricing & scheduling

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

Sex and the City Revisited: After the Economic Crisis

“Carrie: Honey, if it hurts so much, why are we going shopping?
Samantha: I have a broken toe, not a broken spirit.”

–Sex and the City

Most women over thirty just aren’t that open to going out to meet men after they’ve been running errands all day or working ten hours straight.  We’d rather curl up with a good book or the dog.  Or maybe, we’d kick back on the sofa watching Sex andthe City reruns.  We would marvel at Carrie and the Gang’s endless ability to dress up, socialize, and trawl for men, and wonder,  “Where do they get all that energy?”  Even if we had their mysterious incomes and teams of stylists, we’d be so exhausted from all the shopping and grooming that we wouldn’t have the oomph to dress up and go out.  So, we’d have a friend come over and watch Sex and the City reruns instead.

But there’s another problem: as we’ve grown older and, hopefully, wiser, Carrie and the Gang have remained immortal.  Now, watching them rush around like there’s no tomorrow and over analyze their lives…read more

Become closer to your partner, schedule a valuable 1-hour session today

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

“How To Get Married”

Laughing All the Way to the Alter

When people come to me for dating advice, what they really want to know is how to get married.  A couple weeks ago, I attended the wedding of one of my funniest, feistiest, and most opinionated clients.   I remember that we butted heads many times during in our six months of coaching.  I don’t know if she ever fully embraced the concept of Naked Dating, but I hope something sank in.

Naked Dating is my approach to attracting true love.  It shows how to use dating as the catalyst to bring up any blocks or behaviors that are in the way of finding a partner and then gives you the tools to work through them.  The theory is that if you keep going on dates but you don’t make changes, nothing is going to change.  I am not so certain this client ever agreed with much of what I said, but she stayed in touch long after she quit coaching, so I can only assume that I did something right.

When I received an email from her saying that she’d met someone and that they were engaged, I was stunned.  It appeared that she’d finally met the man of her dreams READ MORE

Make the first step to finding the one, schedule an appointment with Dating & Relationship Expert, Lisa Shield.  pricing & scheduling

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

Should you keep your clothes on or off?

When I turned 40, I was no longer willing to settle for just anyone.  I had tried this many times before and knew it didn’t work.  I wanted to find the love of my life, the last man I would ever date, the one who would be with me for the rest of my days.

For this to happen, I had to make some changes.  First and foremost, no jumping into bed with anyone I was dating—and this meant ANYONE.  In the past, I had my share of casual sex.  I don’t regret that I was sometimes naughty.  It was a lot of fun, but it never got me what I ultimately wanted.  It never got the right guy to pledge his undying love and make me his bride.

Well, that’s not exactly true.  I did have some relationships along the way, but they were with all the wrong people.  And, someone had made me his bride, just not the right someone.  As it turned out, my first husband had a little lying problem.  Actually, he had a BIG lying problem, but that was many years and several therapists ago…

I never thought of myself as promiscuous or loose. read more

Schedule an appointment with me today.

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

Getting Out There & Meeting Other Singles

Do you ever sit around on your couch and wonder why the universe hasn’t delivered you a date in ages? You think, “How come my dating life isn’t going anywhere?” Well, maybe, just maybe you need to get up, get out, and give the universe a bit of help.  I am willing to bet that if you got off your cute little butt and put some effort into meeting other singles, the universe would reciprocate by giving you some dates.  It’s just a hunch, but it’s a good one.  Seeing as it’s nearly January 1st, you might even want to make a commitment to going out and meeting more singles one of your New Years resolutions.

Get out your calendar and schedule in at least three activities or events a month.  To insure the greatest chance of getting actual dates, choose at least two events that are specifically geared towards singles.  Many people make the mistake of attending a group only once, but you want to frequent the same group over and over again so that people begin to recognize you.  Finally,  go alone so that you will have to get out of your shell and meet more people.

Here are some suggested places to meet people:

1. Go to a bar or pub.  One of the easiest places to meet people is at a neighborhood bar or pub.  Do not have more than one drink.  In fact, it would be better to sip a club soda so that you are totally present.  Witness your fears and inhibitions as they arise.  Do you go for the person you are most attracted to or shy away?  Do you wait to be noticed by others or do you send out signals that you are interested?  Are you judging people and looking for their flaws?  What if you looked around the room and focused on what was attractive about each person?

2. Join a dance class.  Salsa and ballroom dancing classes are an especially good way to meet people.  When you get moving, you naturally are in a better mood.  Dancing is also a great way connect with your body and your sensuality.  As a metaphor for relationships, dancing teaches men how to take the lead and it helps women feel more comfortable letting a man take the lead.  Dancing will also get you out of your head and help you flow with the moment, skills that come in handy when you’re on an actual date.

3. Go for a hike. You can join a group like Sierra Club Singles or go alone and see if you can engage other people on the trail.  Hiking is a great way to combine exercising with meeting other people.  For some people, parties and Meetup groups can feel too sterile.  Doing an activity can create an environment where meeting people feels more natural.  Start by just smiling and saying hello to people.  Eventually, you might say, “Mind if I walk with you awhile?”  If you like someone, you might ask if they would like to meet again for another hike.

4. Go to a networking meeting.  Networking meetings give you a built in excuse to walk up to someone attractive in the room and strike up a conversation.  Check Meetup.com for singles-related networking groups.  Wear something that stands out—a piece of jewelry, a colorful scarf, or a striking pair of glasses—or notice something someone else is wearing that you can comment on.  “I love those retro eyeglasses you’re wearing…”  Ask what kinds of clients they are looking for so you can refer to them.  If you’re bold, suggest getting together for lunch or a drink to discuss how you can help each other.

5. Sit in a coffee shop.  Grab a cup of coffee and a chair by the door.  Don’t read a book or the paper.  Instead, smile at people as they walk in.  See if you can get someone to stop and talk to you.  Maybe comment on something someone is wearing or on the weather, anything to strike up a conversation.

6. Go to a supermarket.  Go at the busiest time of the day and see if you can engage people at the vegetable department or in deli section. Be playful and flirtatious.  Try challenging yourself to talk to the cutest person you can find.   Ask for help getting something off the top shelf or inquire if that person has ever tried a certain product.  Get comfortable talking to everyone, especially people you find attractive.

7. Go to a park or a dog park.  Nothing attracts attention like a dog.  A friend of mine was having a terrible time getting dates.  Then, she got a dog.  The dog got her to get out and about and, lo and behold, she met a guy.  A REALLY cute guy.  Now she has a dog and a boyfriend.  Talk about a happy camper.  If you meet another dog owner you like, suggest a “doggie” play date.

Schedule an appointment with me today.

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

3 Common Misconceptions About Dating and What to Do About Them

If something feels inauthentic or gamey, it probably is.

1.    I shouldn’t have to date.   Many people believe that falling in love should happen organically.  I agree.  But for that to happen, you need to increase your exposure to other single people, especially as you get older.  That’s why you need to date.  Otherwise, how are you going to meet this person?  But there is another, even more important reason to date.  Let’s face it.  Men and women are really different.

Successful relationships occur when two people can come together and embrace those differences.  Dating gives you firsthand exposure to many members of the opposite sex so that you can begin to understand and appreciate how they think and operate.  In the end, falling in love will happen organically, but there is a greater chance of that happening if you help the process along.

2.  I can’t contact someone right after a date.  There’s lots of crazy advice out there about dating.  Who knows?  I might even be disseminating some of it myself.  What you have to keep in mind as you go through this process is that, if something feels inauthentic or gamey, it probably is. read more

Schedule an appointment with me today.

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

“Ten Important Things to Know About Dating” by Dating & Relationship Expert, Lisa Shield

1) Dating will sometimes feel like work.  Like anything worth having, finding a partner requires action, a clear intention, sustained focus, and time.

2) Be yourself.  What we see people doing on reality dating shows or much of what is written in books like The Rules is manipulative.  If it doesn’t feel authentic, it probably isn’t.  Get advice from a reliable relationship coach or from friends that are in solid, drama-free relationships.

3) Only talk to friends that are positive and supportive.  Refrain from speaking to anyone who makes negative generalizations about men, women, or the dating process in general.

4) Water seeks its own level.  No matter you say you want in a partner, you can only relate to other people from the level that you are at.  As Marianne Williamson says: It’s not that you attract unavailable people, it’s that you give them your number.

5) Be honest with your dates about what’s up with you.  This doesn’t mean blaming them for your stuff or complaining about your life.  It does mean taking responsibility for what’s going on with you and focusing on what you are learning.  If you talk about an issue in your life with a date, end that story by sharing read more

Make the first step to finding the one, schedule an appointment with Dating & Relationship Expert, Lisa Shield.  pricing & scheduling

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

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