Archives

Life Coaching

Naked Truth: Protect Your Marriage at All Costs

Naked Truth: Protect Your Marriage at All Costs

Naked Truth: Protect Your Marriage at All Costs

Hi Lisa. I am happily married to an incredible woman. Recently, several women from my past decided to walk back into my life after 20 years. How do I get them to back off before they jeopardize my marriage? The ring and paper don’t seem to be enough, and they don’t seem to be respecting traditional boundaries.

-Will

 

Hi Will,

Thanks for reaching out! The single most important person in your life should be your wife, and you need to do everything you can to protect the sacred bond the two of you share. You say these women “walked back into your life,” but I don’t think they just walked in. You had to have let them in. My guess is that you haven’t been clear enough with these women or that you are still trying to be nice and polite so you don’t hurt their feelings. I see this a lot with my male clients. The problem is, if you don’t take care of this, someone else is going to get hurt… and that someone is probably going to be your incredible wife. If these women aren’t respecting your boundaries, I would dispense with any niceties and tell them—in no uncertain terms—that you are flattered they are thinking of you, but that you are happily married and won’t respond to any further attempts on their part to contact you. Hope that helps!

Warmly,

Lisa

Is someone threatening your relationship? Book a consultation with me and see how I can help!

Naked Truth: Protect Your Marriage at All Costs

 

Why Rushing Into Relationships Rarely Works

 

Why Rushing Into Relationships Rarely Works

Why Rushing Into Relationships Rarely Works

So, you finally connected with someone you actually like online and you can barely contain your enthusiasm. Even if you wanted to stop yourself from getting sucked into a vortex, you can’t. All you can do is obsess over him and wonder if he’s The One. He’s totally your type—tall and dark with those slanty, puppy dog eyes you love so much. Besides, you’re already LOL-ing at his every text. At this point, you wouldn’t even consider dating anyone else. You have to see where it goes. And anyway, you’re not the type who can date more than one person at a time. So what if a week ago you didn’t even know each other? For the past six days you’ve been leaping out of bed in the morning, grabbing for your phone like some junkie desperate for a fix, then breathing a sigh of relief at the sight of his texts: “Hey Babe! Off to work. Just checkin in. Wassup tonight? Wanna catch a movie?” Knowing that you were the first person he was thinking of each morning makes you tingle from head to toe. He’s your new best friend and the two of you haven’t even met yet. This happens all the time in the dating world.

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how the rest of this story ends… but I will. More often than not our heroine—that would be you—crashes and burns. Either she goes out and sleeps with him right away, and he disappears or she tells him she’s not that kind of girl and that she is looking for a committed relationship, and he disappears. Next comes the fatal morning when she wakes up, checks her phone, and just like that there’s no cute text waiting from him. No matter how much she tells herself that she shouldn’t take it personally, she can’t help but think she must have done something wrong.

I was that woman once. I didn’t have the first clue about how to look for a life partner. Like a lot of the women I coach, I got sucked into the instant relationship vortex all the time. I just figured that, if a guy was paying attention to me, it must mean that he thought I was special. I wanted a relationship so badly that I never stopped to think this might not be the case. It took me a long time to figure out that I was making a lot of assumptions about the way men think that were just plain wrong.

I am not telling you that these things never work out. All I am saying is that you might save yourself a lot of time and heartache by slowing down and entering into your next relationship in a more conscious way.

So, let’s break this scenario down and look at some of the mistakes you might be making:

  1. Mistake #1: Assuming that when a man pursues you it means he wants to have a relationship with you.

We hear it all the time: men love “the chase.” Supposedly, it’s how they’re wired. It has something to do with stalking and hunting behaviors from bygone days. In truth, most women love being pursued by men, too, because it triggers our need to feel desired. But just because a man shows interest, you can’t assume that he wants to have a relationship with you. By and large, women are seeking committed relationships while most men are actively looking for sexual conquests. If a man happens to meet someone special and he is ready for a commitment, he might go for it, but this isn’t his main agenda. You have to be aware that even good guys will sleep with you if they think you’re hot and you’re willing to put out. So, if you’re serious about finding a life partner, you need to slow down and find out if the guy you’re falling for is really interested in getting to know you or if he’s just interested in sleeping with you. If he’s only interested in sex, it isn’t going to go anywhere, no matter how excited he seems in the beginning. You can be sure that, when the conquest is over, your love story will abruptly and tragically come to an end.

  1. Mistake #2: Assuming that just because a man is texting you all day everyday, he’s interested in getting to know you.

Texting might be one the very best things that ever happened to men. They can seduce women and ask them out on dates without ever having to actually speak to them. In fact, just by texting a woman at frequent intervals, a man can hook her into thinking he’s interested in her. Be careful. Don’t make these texts mean more than they do. You can’t assume that just because a man is texting you, it means he’s interested in really getting to know you. How do you know that some guy you just met isn’t sending the same morning text to five other women? I’m not telling you this to make you more suspicious of men. I am telling you this because you need to take care of yourself and start to enter into relationships with both eyes and ears open and both feet on the ground.

  1. Mistake #3: Assuming that just because a guy is crazy about you he’s right for you.

Even if he is pushing hard, moving fast, and showing you a lot of interest, you cannot assume that he’s your soul mate. In fact, many men intentionally try to sweep us off our feet. The faster they move, the less time we have to think about whether or not they’re really a good fit for us. Many men will come at you hard and fast and try to sweep you off your feet because it reduces the risk of rejection for them. Given enough time, you would probably decide that a cute starving artist isn’t really worth the time and trouble. Especially after you go to dinner a couple of times and he starts forgetting his wallet.

  1. Assuming that just because you’re ready for an instant relationship he is, too.

Just because someone shows interest in you, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re the only person he’s interested in dating. There’s a huge leap between finding a person attractive and wanting to be in a relationship with that person. Even if someone does want to explore a relationship with you right away, you need to slow it down. Two people shouldn’t be exclusive right out of the starting gate. They should pace themselves and space out their dates to one or two a week for the first few weeks. It boggles my mind to see how people are so quick to create what I refer to as instant relationships, to go from not knowing someone at all to texting each other morning, noon, and night—all within in a matter of days. I know you want to get off the dating scene and start building a future with someone, but you need to be careful about who you let into your life. Take the time to get to know someone and rush into a relationship with anyone.

Staying grounded when some totally hot guy is showing a lot of interest in you can be hard, but recovering from the disappointment of your failed expectations can be even harder. Many guys out there know how to play into our romantic fantasies and sweep us off our feet. Hey, who doesn’t love a hot romance, but finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with probably won’t result from some instant relationship. It’s up to you to keep your wits about you and resist the urge to fall into that vortex. Slow down and find a great man who is on the same page as you are. This way you’ll have someone who wants to write a storybook romance with you!

If you get anxious and rush into relationships too fast, book a consultation with me to learn how to manage your anxiety so you can find a relationship that will last!

Why Rushing Into Relationships Rarely Works

 

Why Being Happy Is The Best Gift You Can Give Your Partner

happy

You have to be happy with yourself before you can ever be happy with someone else.

When Pharell’s song “Happy” comes on the radio, he wants us all to clap along and feel happy, too. Granted, the tune is catchy, but have you ever listened to the lyrics? “Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof?”  Wow. That’s deep. He also posits “happiness is The Truth.” I wish it were that simple. While happiness has become a big buzzword in psychological circles, what happiness actually looks and feels like in modern society is still not clear. Are our romanticrelationships an accurate barometer for our happiness? If we look at our nation’s divorce rate, it becomes abundantly clear that not everyone is as happy as Pharell would like us to think.

So why does that blissful, perfect, fairy tale happiness we all seek feel like some hollow promise and cheesy pop song cliche? Probably because it doesn’t exist — at least not in the way modern media would lead us to believe. Most people search for someone to love, thinking this will make them happy and solve all of their problems. But the truth is, nobody else can make you happy (or fix you); you have to do it yourself.

Read more on YourTango!

Listen In This Tuesday

I will be a guest on The Healing Place Radio Show on Tuesday the 19th at 7:30 pm. You can listen online by clicking Here or call in at 347-324-3102. By pressing “1” you can speak to the host and me. The topic of discussion will be:  Loving the Skin I’m In: Am I ready for a relationship?

Make the first step to finding the one, schedule an appointment with Dating & Relationship Expert, Lisa Shield.  pricing & scheduling

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

“How To Get Married”

Laughing All the Way to the Alter

When people come to me for dating advice, what they really want to know is how to get married.  A couple weeks ago, I attended the wedding of one of my funniest, feistiest, and most opinionated clients.   I remember that we butted heads many times during in our six months of coaching.  I don’t know if she ever fully embraced the concept of Naked Dating, but I hope something sank in.

Naked Dating is my approach to attracting true love.  It shows how to use dating as the catalyst to bring up any blocks or behaviors that are in the way of finding a partner and then gives you the tools to work through them.  The theory is that if you keep going on dates but you don’t make changes, nothing is going to change.  I am not so certain this client ever agreed with much of what I said, but she stayed in touch long after she quit coaching, so I can only assume that I did something right.

When I received an email from her saying that she’d met someone and that they were engaged, I was stunned.  It appeared that she’d finally met the man of her dreams READ MORE

Make the first step to finding the one, schedule an appointment with Dating & Relationship Expert, Lisa Shield.  pricing & scheduling

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

“A Slice of Pi”

You’re stranded on a raft in the middle of your life waiting for someone to come along and save you.

Do you ever feel like you’re stranded on a raft in the middle of your life waiting for someone to come along and save you?  Don’t worry.  You’re not alone.  Ok.  Maybe you are alone on your raft, but there are lots of other people floating around on rafts waiting to be rescued just like you.  Take that kid in “The Life of Pi.”  He was floating around out there for over 220 days.  That must have been horrible, but it made a good movie and even better book.  Check it out.

Pi was out there on that raft, but he wasn’t alone, and neither are you.  He was fighting off his demons.  His demons took the form of a Bengal tiger.  What form have your demons taken—are they in the shape of your high school sweetheart who cheated on you, your father who abandoned you when you were three, or your mother who was an emotionally unavailable alcoholic?  If you look closely, you will find them all there on the raft with you.  See.  You’re not alone.

The thing is that no one rescued Pi and no one is going to rescue you. People might want to rescue you.  They might even try, but they can’t.  They can’t save you because no one knows what you need but you. Read More

Make the first step to finding the one, schedule an appointment with Dating & Relationship Expert, Lisa Shield.  pricing & scheduling

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

“Falling in Love With Yourself”

Before you can fall in love with someone else, you need to fall in love with yourself.  Only then will you be capable of loving someone else. Your willingness to look deeply and honestly at yourself is the key to unlocking the door to your own heart.  The depth of the conversation you have with yourself will determine how deeply you will come to know and love yourself. This is a journey of the self and by the self.  No one can do it for you.

What happens is this:  first you come to love yourself and enjoy your own company.  As that enjoyment grows you begin to want to share it with someone.  True love wants to share itself, it wants to express itself.  It really is impossible for love not to be expressed once it is identified.

“How do I get started,” you ask.  First, you need to spend time alone.  Get to know yourself.  Read More

Make the first step to finding the one, schedule an appointment with Dating & Relationship Expert, Lisa Shield.  pricing & scheduling

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

 

“Nothing less than a hero” Lana Wachowski receives the HRC Visibility Award

The people who inspire us most are those who dare to be themselves against all odds.  Lana Wachowski, director of The Matrix and Cloud Atlas, is just such a person.  She a true inspiration—talented, beautiful, intelligent, original, and deeply private.  Please take the time to watch this extraordinary woman share her journey and then as yourself, “How far am I willing to go to get emotionally naked and be all of who I am?”

INSPIRATION FOR YOU from Lisa Shield

Feel good and watch this video to the end.  Then share it with the world.

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com
Blogarama - The Blog Directory