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The guy I’m seeing told me he doesn’t have strong feelings for me, but I really like him. Should I back off or just quit seeing him altogether?


The guy I'm seeing told me he doesn't have strong feelings for me. Should I put some distance between us of just stop seeing him altogether?

The guy I’m seeing told me he doesn’t have strong feelings for me, but I really like him. Should I back off or just quit seeing him altogether?

Hey Lisa,

I need some advice. I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month and a half and things are going well. We’ve gone on three dinner dates, have been to trivia and dinner several times and even won trivia twice. He made me dinner and we spend time together watching shows we like. I even helped him find a new puppy. BUT…he is in the navy and will be gone for a few months in a few weeks and then when he gets back he is moving in November.  Also, he was married before and told me he knew he would marry his ex wife the week he met her and married her 4 months later. When I asked him how he feels about me he said he likes me, and thinks we are compatible but doesn’t have strong feelings like that for me. I really like him, but ever since he told me that my self worth has been ruined. What should I do? Quit seeing him? Back off? I don’t know what to do and need your help.

Tamara

Hi Tamara,

First, I want to commend you for having the courage to get emotionally naked and ask your navy man how he really feels about you. Many women would have gone along in the relationship without finding out the truth. I am sure it was really hard to hear that he doesn’t have strong feelings for you, but I think it was pretty thoughtless of him to compare his feelings for you to the way he felt about his ex-wife. You even wrote that your self-esteem has been ruined because of what he said. It might help you keep things in perspective to know that, for all of his enthusiasm and certainty about his former wife, she’s his ex. So much for knowing he was going to marry her after the first week. I’m wondering how long it took him to realize he’d made a mistake and that e was headed for a divorce!

Considering he’s leaving and he told you he doesn’t have strong feelings for you, I don’t think the relationship is going to turn into something long term. While you might not want to hear this, you need to know that many men stay in a relationship with a woman they have no intention of committing to because she is sweet and she’s meeting their sexual needs.

You asked if you should take a step back or end it altogether. My question for you is: do you want to wait until he leaves or finds someone new, or do you want to act from a place of power and be the one to break it off?  If you the initiative to end it, you  might just get some of your self-esteem back. And more importantly, you deserve to be with a man who adores you and feels lucky to be with you.

On another note: why did he get a puppy if he’s planning on leaving?

Much love,

Lisa

 

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The guy I'm dating told me he doesn't have strong feelings for me...

 

Adventure, Mission, & Romance

Adventure. Mission, & Romance

Adventure, Mission, & Romance

How to Fall in Love & Stay in Love

 

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Warmest Wishes for this Holiday Season,

Lisa Shield

 

 

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