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Dating Coaching

Why Are the People We’re Attracted to Not Attracted to Us?

Why are we attracted to people who aren't attracted to us

Why don’t the people we’re attracted to find us attractive while the people we don’t find attractive are attracted to us? This is one of the GREAT dating conundrums of all time. Luckily, there’s actually a very SIMPLE explanation.

Most often, when we feel attracted to someone, we become NERVOUS, self-conscious, or even NEEDY, and we stop being ourselves. In other words, when you want someone to like you, all of your insecurities come bubbling up to the surface and cause you to question why THEY would want to date someone like YOU.

  • “Am I PRETTY enough to date someone like him?”

  • “Am I SUCCESSFUL enough to get a woman like her?”

  • “A guy like that doesn’t need to date a woman with 2 YOUNG KIDS.”

  • “A woman that hot would want a guy with a 6-PACK.”

Try this. Close your eyes and imagine yourself on a date with a friend that you like but don’t find particularly attractive. How do you feel? Indifferent? Turned off? In control?

Now imagine you’re on a date with someone who gives you butterflies in the pit of your stomach. How does THAT make you feel? Excited? At ease? Self-conscious?

Even the most confident person would find it IMPOSSIBLE to be authentic in the moment if they’re feeling self-conscious and insecure.

Do you remember the plot twist from Sex in the City, the one where Big met a woman who treated him the way he treated Carrie? It was a BRILLIANT piece of screenwriting. It was amazing to see this man who SEEMED to be the embodiment of self-confidence scrambling for the right things to say and do. He was so DESPERATE that he even called Carrie for advice!

Because it can be so SCARY to take off our masks, get Emotionally Naked, and let someone see who we truly are, many people default to using SEX as their main way of creating a connection. Over the past 15 years, I have coached many women and men who are well-versed in the art of SEDUCTION. They know how to put on an act and create a SEXUAL connection, but they don’t know how to create a deep, authentic EMOTIONAL connection on a date.

So, how do you start to become comfortable getting Emotionally Naked and connecting with the people you find attractive? My free online workshop is a great place to start.

If you’re looking for a few techniques you can use right away to feel more attractive, here are some additional tips:

1. Start to Recognize Your Fears: When you’re sitting on a date and you feel intimidated by someone, listen to what your FRENEMY (aka inner critic) is telling you. It will make comments like the ones I listed above. It doesn’t matter if your date thinks you’re overweight or not successful enough. You need to recognize that the REAL issue is that YOU believe these things about yourself.

Identifying your fears is the FIRST STEP to letting them go. Write them down. Then ask the universe for them to be RELEASED. You don’t have to know HOW this works. Sometimes declaring that you are ready to let your fears go and ASKING the universe for help is ALL you need to do. Really.

2. Tune into Your Naked Dater: If YOU listen to your Frenemy, it WILL sabotage your dating. But you have another voice inside. I call it your NAKED DATER. Your Naked Dater is the voice of your HIGHER SELF or Inner Wisdom. The more you tune into this loving, compassionate voice, the BETTER you will feel about yourself as you date.

I encourage all of my clients to give their Naked Dater a name. Mine is called Pantanjali. You can call yours Wilma, Fred, Merlin, Dumbledore, or Oprah. Whatever works for YOU. Just have FUN with it. Start listening to this loving, nurturing, positive part of yourself. You might actually like what it has to say!

Your Naked Dater will tell you:

  • “The RIGHT person will accept you EXACTLY the way you are. That’s who you want to be with.”

  • “Even if you aren’t at your optimal weight, YOU can be SEXY at any weight. It’s all about attitude.”

  • “You are a good person and I love you NO matter what.”

  • “Nobody’s perfect. When you love someone, you love the WHOLE person.”

3. Change Your Body Language: Before you meet your date, stand up STRAIGHT, pull your shoulders BACK and EXPAND the energy in your chest. This is a POWER stance. Anytime you get in your head and start to feel insecure during the date, remember a PEAK moment in your life, then sit up tall, open up the energy in your chest and SMILE.

If you want even MORE support, click here to join my private Facebook Group, Dating Without Drama,where other men and women just like you are supporting each other in their search for lasting love.

But even more importantly, if you’re TRULY ready to meet The One and you don’t want to WASTE another second spinning your wheels and trying to figure this out on your own, let’s set up a 1-hour consult and see if coaching is right for you!  There’s NO reason to spend another second agonizing over this. Dating is a journey. Let me be your guide.


XO,


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Do YOU Sabotage Dates Because You’re NOT Ready for Love?

Sabotage Love?

I have no doubt that my husband, Benjamin, would NOT have been attracted to me when I first started dating 17 years ago. But the dating process helped me open my heart and get a handle on my emotions. Dating SHAPED me into the woman he fell in love with in that magic moment when we met two years and 100 first dates later.

When I started dating again, I approached it as a SPIRITUAL JOURNEY. I decided to see each interaction as an OPPORTUNITY to learn to open my heart wider and become a more loving person.

When I looked at others in the dating world, I watched as their hearts and minds became less open with each disappointing date, and the road ahead of them grew NARROWER.

As I dated, I wanted the road ahead to get WIDER. I wanted to become MORE openhearted, MORE open-minded, and MORE compassionate with each date.

If a man was unkind or disappointed me in some way, rather than get angry or blame him for what happened, I told myself that he didn’t owe me anything. He was doing me a favor by making space for the RIGHT MAN to come into my life.

After a while, I stopped caring why certain men behaved the way they did. It really didn’t matter. I knew how I wanted a man to treat me, I knew he was out there, and I was willing to keep dating until I found him.

None of this was any easier for me than it is for you. I wanted a partner more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. Facing one rejection after another was terribly painful, but the more I was willing to learn from my mistakes and focus on keeping my heart and mind open, the easier it got. I can show you how to do this. Check out my online workshop to learn more.

Today, I’m ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that everything I went through when I dated prepared me for the relationship of my dreams. By using my dating experience to work through my DRAMA, I wound up attracting an AMAZING man and together we have been able to create a relationship that is EVEN BETTER than anything I could have imagined!

I watch so many singles FLOUNDER in the dating world and become increasingly angry, disappointed, and discouraged when things don’t go the way they EXPECT them to.

What this tells me is that they still have WORK to do to prepare for The One. They need to learn how to HUMBLE themselves, SURRENDER to the process, and let each date TEACH them how to open their hearts to love and be loved. Maybe this speaks to you?

There is a BIG difference between thinking you are emotionally available and ready for the relationship of your dreams and truly being ready to meet The One. When you’re REALLY ready, you WILL know.

So, here’s my question for you:

Do you truly believe YOU are emotionally ready for the kind of relationship you want?

If that person walked into your life RIGHT NOW, do you have an OPEN HEART and are your fears of trusting someone or being rejected or abandoned UNDER CONTROL?

Or, would you SABOTAGE IT by reacting and pushing the person away the moment they let you down?

Warm Regards,


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P.S.  Don’t forget to check out my Free Online Workshop!

To All the Strong Women (and Men)

Strong womenI had many TURNING POINTS in my dating. One of the most significant was when I started to look at my STRENGTH.

Like many women today, I PRIDED myself on being a “STRONG AND INDEPENDENT,” too strong for many if not MOST men.

When I was 8 years old, I saw my father CRUSH my mother’s spirit when he left her for another woman.

Five years later, when my mother was DYING of breast cancer, she tried to share as much of her WISDOM with me as possible. The one thing I remember most was when she WARNED ME: “Never let a man do to you what your father did to me.” I was only 13 at the time and I STRUGGLED to put her advice in perspective.

For many years after that, I SWORE I wouldn’t wind up like my mother—left to fend for herself with two small children.

To me, it seemed like MOST women were WEAK and insipid, and I refused to DUMB myself down or PANDER to a man. I told myself anything a man could do I could do.

Since the BIRTH CONTROL PILL had been approved the year before I was born and ABORTION was legalized by the Supreme Court in 1973, I was among the first generation of women who had FULL CONTROL over their own bodies. I felt like I was free to do whatever I wanted without apology or SHAME, including act like a man.

When I set out to date again at 39, I admitted TO MYSELF that something wasn’t working with men and me. They still didn’t find me attractive, even though I had reduced myself from a size 14 to a shapely size 8. I also had done a GREAT DEAL of inner personal work. I liked myself. I had developed a POSITIVE MINDSET. I had wonderful friends and an AWESOME Dog. I thought I was PRETTY COOL… but men weren’t buying it.

At the time, I was part of an amazing SPIRITUAL GROUP spearheaded by Don Miguel Ruiz, author of ‘The Four Agreements.’ One day, Miguel brought me in front of the group and said, “This is a WOMAN OF POWER.” He didn’t say, “This is a powerful woman.” He said, “This is a woman of power.”

Miguel’s words rang in my ear for a long time. He’s a shaman, and he sees people’s TRUE NATURE. At the time, I didn’t know what to make of what he said, but I knew it was IMPORTANT.

On another occasion, he told me privately, “You are a woman of power and you FRIGHTEN MEN.” I was stunned. I didn’t say it aloud, but I thought, “Thanks, Miguel. What I am supposed to do with THAT?”

I could have used his words to feed my ego, but I didn’t because the last thing I wanted to do was frighten men. I wanted them to feel SAFE and be ATTRACTED to me.

Miguel’s words led me to question many of my beliefs about who I was. I realized that being powerful meant nothing if I was allowing that power to WORK AGAINST me and PUSH men away.

I’ve come to realize that we all have SUPERPOWERS. One of mine IS strength. I couldn’t get rid of it if I tried. It’s who I am at my CORE.

But just like all those kids in the Marvel movies, the ones they send to that school run by Patrick Stewart if I didn’t learn how to harness that power and use it wisely and judiciously, I was going to keep BLOWING things up and PUSHING men away.

I knew the time had come for me to ACCEPT the fact that I am, in fact, woman. This was a HUGE SHIFT in my consciousness, it opened up a whole new world of DISCOVERY and POSSIBILITY. I was finally able to see that I wasn’t attracting the kind of man I wanted because THAT MAN would have been attracted to a WOMAN, not a man in a woman’s body.

Ironically, the more I embraced this ESSENTIAL part of myself, the more attractive I became and the more GENUINELY EMPOWERED I felt with men.

I realized that I had never wanted to be HARD on or GUARDED with them. When I was honest with myself, I admitted that all my life I had longed for a man to PROTECT and take care of me. I guess I just hadn’t been ready to let down my guard so a man could do that for me.  I was finally learning to be emotionally naked, and I can show YOU how I started this process in my free online workshop.

Of course, I can do those things for myself, but I can feel that I am most BEAUTIFUL when my GUARD is completely down and I can be that sweet, innocent little girl who never felt SAFE enough to come out and play… until now.

For so much of my life, I’d used my STRENGTH and independence as a way of staying SAFE because I really didn’t understand what it meant to be a woman OR a man.

I now know that EVERY woman and EVERY man has to find his or her NATURAL frequency. If you’re heterosexual, bisexual, transgendered or gay, you have to be willing to EMBRACE who you truly are. You can’t go against your TRUE NATURE.

I AM a woman of power, but it doesn’t serve me to use that power to frighten men.

I still don’t suffer fools lightly. I never have and I never will. Players and misogynists INSTINCTIVELY know to leave me alone. I sometimes wonder if I wear some kind of an invisible sign that reads, “Don’t even bother…”

But now, I can honestly say that I am VERY PROUD to be a woman and I know how to use my STRENGTH in a feminine way to make a man feel SAFE and like he’s my KING. Just ask my husband if you don’t believe me.

XO,

LISA

P.S. For more dating insights, check out my Free Online Workshop!

Asking for What You Want in a Relationship

Asking for What You Want FINAL

If You’re Too Afraid to Ask for What You Want… how will you ever get it?

Have you ever opened your heart to someone who HURT or DISAPPOINTED you but were too afraid to say something? Did you worry you might seem NEEDY or ANGRY and push the other person away? I get it. It gets easier and easier to say nothing and hope the other person senses something is WRONG and brings it up so you don’t have to.

My client, Melanie, found herself in a situation like this. She’d finally gotten the GUTS to end a 5-year relationship where she’d been JERKED AROUND by a man who was INCAPABLE of committing.

She was visiting family in New York and decided to give Bumble a whirl. Before she knew it, she’d booked TWO DATES for the same day!

Dude #1 was so hot she didn’t think there was any way Dude #2 could compare. Boy was she WRONG! As Jack strode across the restaurant in his faded jeans, cowboy boots, and beat-up leather jacket, Melanie COULDN’T BELIEVE her eyes.

She and Jack had the kind of magical, instantaneous connection everyone DREAMS OF. It wasn’t long before he was holding her hand, staring into her eyes and they felt like they were the only TWO PEOPLE in the room. Their second date was even more magical.

Mel flew home, expecting things to fizzle… but they DIDN’T. Jack texted her every day throughout the day. He told her he had spoken about her to several of his friends. They planned a 4-day ISLAND GETAWAY while she was home in January after the holidays. Really. Things could not be going better…

Or could they? Some friends remarked they thought it odd that Jack texts but NEVER CALLS. It doesn’t bother Mel, but still she ‘hinted’ a couple of times that she would love to hear his voice. He hasn’t called, and she’s TICKED OFF because she feels he isn’t listening to her. She said it doesn’t matter, but it MATTERED enough that she brought it up in our session!

This is where her resentment towards Jack began.

The next disappointment wasn’t long after. He forgot her birthday. All day long they texted back and forth, but he NEVER MENTIONED it once. When she posted something about it on Instagram, he texted her immediately. She was hurt. Badly. He had to have known. After all, they’d joked about what a coincidence it was that his mother’s birthday was the day after hers. Mel thanked him for the BIRTHDAY WISHES via text, but said she was exhausted and would reach out the next day. She knew he’d notice that her behavior was uncharacteristic.

Mel never told Jack she felt hurt because he’d forgotten her birthday, and her RESENTMENT DEEPENED.

Then, came the THIRD BLOW, the one that landed her in my office. Mel went on Bumble and saw that Jack was still active on the site. To say that she was devastated is an understatement. But, because they’d never talked about BEING EXCLUSIVE, she didn’t feel she had a right to say something.

I suggested she tell Jack she was on the site and, when she saw that he was ACTIVE, she realized that she felt uncomfortable knowing he was still seeing other people. After all, they were growing closer and she was feeling INCREASINGLY VULNERABLE.

Mel agreed that she needed to say something, but she WASN’T READY to talk about it. She said she preferred to say something when she went home in January, but that wasn’t for another month. I urged her to discuss it now before ANY DAMAGE was done, but she hemmed and hawed at my suggestion.

“Mel, here’s what’s going to happen if you don’t talk about it,” I said. “If you don’t FEEL SAFE, you’ll start to SHUT DOWN and emotionally distance yourself. He won’t know why, but he’ll sense that SOMETHING’S WRONG. Maybe he’ll bring it up, maybe he won’t. But, if you start to get passive-aggressive, you could wind up pushing him away. I’ve seen this happen too many times.”

“You’re right,” she said. “That’s already happening. Intellectually I understand that he’s done NOTHING WRONG, but I still feel hurt and angry and I’m PULLING AWAY.”

When Mel left, she said that she would book an appointment for the following week so I could help her write a text to Jack. I haven’t heard from her since, so I don’t know what happened. I hope she says something to him. At some point, if she is going to have the kind of OPEN, HONEST, loving relationship she’s looking for, she is going to have to learn how to ask for what SHE WANTS.

She just has to learn how to ask in the RIGHT WAY. She can’t LASH OUT in anger or blame. She needs to speak from love and with the intention of bringing them CLOSER TOGETHER, and she needs to make it a request, not an ultimatum. Instead of saying, “You need to STOP SEEING other women.” She needs to say, “Would you be OPEN TO not seeing other women?” It needs to open up a dialogue, instead of being a monologue.

Melanie is a beautiful woman, inside and out, and MY GUESS is that Jack will agree to her request. But if he doesn’t, he’s probably not the RIGHT GUY. And you know what? She already invested 5 YEARS in the last one. So, it would be better to find that out sooner THAN LATER.
XO,
LISA

P.S. For more dating insights, check out my Free Online Workshop!

The Most Attractive Quality a Woman Can Have

 

The Most Attractive Quality a Woman Can HaveThe Most Attractive Quality a Woman Can Have

Do know what is the most attractive quality a woman can have?

 

It’s not independence, sensuality, or even self-love–but it includes all of those things. The most attractive quality a woman can have is CONFIDENCE because a confident woman owns who she is and she knows she can attract the man she desires and deserves.

People will tell you that the reason you don’t have the love you want is because your expectations are too high. They say you’re asking for too much. This is simply isn’t true. The real reason you don’t have the relationship you want is because you haven’t had the confidence to ask for it.

True love is REAL and You can have it. All you have to do is:

Ask clearly for what you want…

Be willing to compromise when you can…

Speak your truth even if it means someone won’t like you…

Walk away when you know that someone isn’t right for you…

And continue to love yourself even in the face of rejection.

But how can you possibly open your heart and trust again when you’ve been lied to, abused, or cheated on before?

To have the love you deserve, you need confidence. You need to love and value yourself enough to have the courage to go for your heart’s desire.

But how do you get the confidence to do that… especially in the crazy-making dating world of today?

To answer this question, my friend and fellow relationship coach, Jeannine Addonisio, has invited me along with 25 other experts to be part of an awesome online interview series called The Confident Woman! 

This event is dedicated to helping YOU get your confidence on, rock out dating and attract a man who cherishes, desires and adores you! To sign up for this inspiring interview airing Sunday, November 13th, 2016, click here: http://jeannineaddonisio.com/theconfidentwoman/lisashield

Don’t miss my interview if you want to hear how I found the confidence to become one of the pioneers of online dating and go on 100 first dates before finding the love of my life.

Ladies, sixteen years ago, when I posted an online dating profile, there were no friends, dating experts or advice columns to cheer me on and tell me what to do. I walked through this uncharted territory—alone!

Check out my talk to find out how to stop buying into other people’s limiting beliefs about how bizarre it is to look for your soul mate on a computer screen or how you’re searching for a needle in a haystack because you want too much. These ideas are negative and they’re absolutely untrue.

Tune in to discover how getting Emotionally Naked and embracing the challenges of dating–both on and offline—can transform you into a confident, compassionate, compelling woman! When you do this, something truly remarkable happens: You will meet the man of your dreams, and HE will fall in love with YOU!

And this time you’ll be ready. This time you’ll have the confidence to open your heart and receive all the love this amazing man has to offer.

So, join Jeannine Addonisio and me to hear us talk about how to become your most confident self so you can find the love of your life and say goodbye to dating forever… Can I get an Amen to that? Click here to join this FREE Online Event and Gift Giveaway: http://jeannineaddonisio.com/theconfidentwoman/lisashield

You don’t want to miss this opportunity to hear the secrets of how to use dating as the catalyst for gaining genuine confidence and attracting the man of your dreams!

This interview is big… it’s powerful… it will change your life!

As always, I want to thank you for all of your love and support!  And if you haven’t joined my Facebook Group, Dating Without Drama, the definitive dating group where both women AND men share their struggles about how to date and relate while searching for their perfect mate, click here to join:  http://bit.ly/2esIwea

Xx,

The Confident Woman Interview Series

The REAL Reason You Haven’t Found Your Soul Mate…

 and NO, It Isn’t Self-Love

The REAL Reason You Haven't Found Your Soul Mate...

 

Hi Everybody!

Do you long to meet your soul mate with every cell in your being?

Do you dream of finding one, beautiful man who will love and cherish you forever?

Even if you’ve never had it, something deep inside you knows true love exists. You can feel it. You can feel your soul aching for your other half, for one man who thrills you and who is yours and yours alone.

I know other people will tell you’re asking for too much, but you’re not. True love is real and YOU can have it! All you have to do is have the courage to…

Ask clearly for what you want…

Be willing to compromise when you can…

Speak your truth even if it means someone won’t like you…

Walk away when you know that someone isn’t right for you…

And continue to love yourself even in the face of rejection.

But how can you possibly open your heart and trust again when you’ve been lied to, abused, or cheated on before?

To have the love you deserve, you need to possess one important quality: CONFIDENCE. You need to love and value yourself enough to have the courage to go for your heart’s desire.

But how do you get the confidence to do that… especially in the crazy-making dating world of today?

To answer this question, my friend and fellow relationship coach, Jeannine Addonisio, has invited me along with 25 other experts to be part of an awesome online interview series called The Confident Woman! 

This event is dedicated to helping YOU get your confidence on, rock out dating and attract a man who cherishes, desires and adores you! To sign up for this inspiring interview airing Sunday, November 13th, 2016, click here: http://jeannineaddonisio.com/theconfidentwoman/lisashield

Don’t miss my interview if you want to hear how I found the confidence to become one of the pioneers of online dating and go on 100 first dates before finding the love of my life.

Ladies, sixteen years ago, when I posted an online dating profile, there were no friends, dating experts or advice columns to cheer me on and tell me what to do. I walked through this uncharted territory—alone!

Check out my talk to find out how to stop buying into other people’s limiting beliefs about how bizarre it is to look for your soul mate on a computer screen or how you’re searching for a needle in a haystack because you want too much. These ideas are negative and they’re absolutely untrue.

Tune in to discover how getting Emotionally Naked and embracing the challenges of dating–both on and offline—can transform you into a confident, compassionate, compelling woman! When you do this, something truly remarkable happens: You will meet the man of your dreams, and HE will fall in love with YOU!

And this time you’ll be ready. This time you’ll have the confidence to open your heart and receive all the love this amazing man has to offer.

So, join Jeannine Addonisio and me to hear us talk about how to become your most confident self so you can find the love of your life and say goodbye to dating forever… Can I get an Amen to that? Click here to join this FREE Online Event and Gift Giveaway: http://jeannineaddonisio.com/theconfidentwoman/lisashield

You don’t want to miss this opportunity to hear the secrets of how to use dating as the catalyst for gaining genuine confidence and attracting the man of your dreams!

This interview is big… it’s powerful… it will change your life!

As always, I want to thank you for all of your love and support!  And if you haven’t joined my Facebook Group, Dating Without Drama, the definitive dating group where both women AND men share their struggles about how to date and relate while searching for their perfect mate, click here to join:  http://bit.ly/2esIwea

Xx,

 

 

Listen to the Best Interview I’ve Ever Done!

manifesting-love-again-blog

Don’t miss my NEW Online Interview!

Hi Everybody!

Please sign up to hear the best interview I’ve ever done! I know everlasting love is what you seek. It’s what we all seek, and it takes courage, confidence, and inspiration to get back out there in the world of dating after you have been hurt in love and yearn to find it again.

As part of my commitment to support you in finding the love you desire, I am here to share an opportunity with you.

Whether you are divorced and single again, single and just haven’t found the right one yet, have had a lot of heartbreak in love, and are looking to find the strength to open up and put yourself back out there again, then you need to hear an interview series I’m participating in with my friend and colleague, Intuitive Relationship & Marriage Coach, Susan Ortolano.

In this interview series we talk about how people can move past the pain of heartbreak, and what it takes to get back out there in dating-land and find love again, for good this time.

Susan is also interviewing over 20 other accomplished relationship and love Experts. And she’s putting it all together in a FREE online event called Manifesting Love Again- How to get back into your groove and finally find the love of your life. I am thrilled to be a part of it!

If that title gives you even a little twinge of excitement, then you’re meant to be there. The event begins October 10th so come join us and discover what you need – the tips, the secrets, and tools to move beyond your past and look ahead to a future filled with hope for love and for the ideal relationship you seek. Here is how to claim your spot for this incredible event now!

Just Click Here To Claim Your FREE Spot!

During this Series you will discover:

  • What you need to do to gain the courage and confidence to get back into the dating world again after heartbreak.
  • Effective and current top notch dating and love tips you need to know, especially if you haven’t dated in a while.
  • How to shift your mindset, up your style, feel more attractive, sexy, and be a magnet for love at any age!
  • Why it is important not to give up on love no matter what and no matter how old you are!
  • How to stay inspired to get back into your groove, hold your head high, and open your heart again.
  • How sex & intimacy factor into the dating process
  • (feel free to add your topic)
  • And so much more!

I am excited to participate in this free online event to continue to help YOU put your heart out there again and find the love that you seek.

Just Click Here To Claim Your FREE Spot!

Honestly, it is an opportunity of a lifetime to get free training in this series featuring me along with some of the top love and relationship experts around.

Reserve your spot now for this inspirational and educational series, and take the next step to Manifest Love Again!

>>>>>(Just Click Here To Claim Your FREE Spot!

 

Much love and many thanks for your support!

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The Healing Power of Acceptance

The Healing Power of Acceptance

The Healing Power of Acceptance

The Price You Pay for Pressuring a Guy Into Proposing

The Price You Pay for Pressuring a Guy Into Proposing

The Price You Pay for Pressuring a Guy Into Proposing

You’re head-over-heels, I’d-do-anything-for-him in love. He tells you he’s never had feelings like this for anyone else before… but every time you look down at your left hand, your heart falls to the floor. He still hasn’t put a ring on it. What’s worse, with each photo of another friend’s diamond ring you see and feel obligated to “like” on Facebook, you become a little more envious, a little more desperate… and a little angrier at the love of your life.

Why the f*** hasn’t he proposed!?!

Few things are more frustrating for a woman than a man who won’t propose. Let’s face it, watching all your girlfriends get married—especially the ones who haven’t even been with their partners as long as you’ve been with yours—can be gut-wrenching. As happy as you are for them, it’s hard not to feel a certain ache when it seems like everyone you know is getting to “I Do”…  except for you. There they are, on honeymoon in Paris, while you’re sitting at home scrolling though your Instagram feed, feeling more embittered by the minute, contemplating ultimatums.

So, what gives?

Over the years, many of my male clients have told me they would marry their girlfriends tomorrow if… drum roll pleasethey would just chill out and stop being so anxious!

Seriously?

Yep. The biggest complaint I hear from the men I coach is that they don’t want to sign-up for a lifetime of fighting and struggling with the woman they love. A big part of the trouble is that all the anxiety and disappointment surrounding the issue of proposals and marriage causes tension and resentment, and before they know it, the sex and intimacy that made their relationship so amazing in the first place is taking a backseat to fighting, name-calling, and bitterness.

And guess what? Sex and intimacy are the things you need most if you want to sustain a healthy, happy marriage!

Believe it or not, men actually want intimacy just as much as women do, but they feel that intimacy more when there’s less fighting. Also, men don’t like feeling as if they’re being pushed into things or that someone is making their decisions for them. Oftentimes, marriage is on a man’s mind, but when he starts feeling pressured and pushed around by his partner, he’ll start to feel threatened, guilty, and confused… and he may have second thoughts. The pressure and fighting can feel emasculating and disrespectful, and it doesn’t bode well for a man’s ego… or his romantic feelings.

The bottom line is this: men are romantic, and when they truly love a woman they want to make her feel special… and eventually make it official. But they want to do it in their own way, on their own timetable, when it feels right.

I know it can seem agonizing to wait for a proposal, but pushing him when he’s not ready or picking fights because things aren’t happening as quickly as you’d like can definitely work against you.

There’s nothing wrong with letting him know you wanna hear those wedding bells chime, but if you beat him over the head with them, they’re going to start sounding like warning bells: get out while you still can!

So, the next time you’re about to let your anxiety and anger get the best of you, think about what’s at stake: you just might sabotage your relationship before he even has a chance to get down one one knee.

If your anxiety is getting out of control and causing you to push your partner away, you might benefit from some coaching. I’ve helped hundreds of couples improve their intimacy and communication and get to marriage… and I can help you, too! In fact, I’ve even officiated at a few of the weddings for couples I’ve coached :-) Click the button below to book a consult…

The Price You Pay for Pressuring a Guy Into Proposing

 

 

Those Who Know How to Think Need no Teachers

Those Who Know How to Think Need no Teachers

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