Takin’ it to the Streets:
5 Roads to Finding Love in the Real World
If you’re like a lot of the people I talk to, you’ve had enough of online dating and you want to find a way to meet someone in the real world. But before I share my thoughts on how you can take it to the streets, I need to let you know that I am a bit biased. I am one of those people who thinks dating websites and apps are God’s gift to modern dating. Still, you can meet someone in the real world if that’s your kind of thing Even though the love of my life and I met online fourteen years ago, I have to admit that possibilities exist beyond cyberspace.
To meet someone in the real world, you need to keep in mind that offline dating is no easier than online dating. You can’t bank on someone falling out of the sky and conveniently landing in your path. To work, both online and offline dating require an investment time, energy, and a willingness to get into your discomfort zone. So, if you’re ready to put yourself out there, let people know you’re looking, and take some risks; you can meet someone in the big bad world! Here are five avenues for meeting someone in everyday life.
- Tell everyone from your manicurist to your mother that you’re dating and ask if they know anyone they can fix you up with. I have a client who happened to mention to her manicurist that she was looking for love. The manicurist said, “I think I have someone for you!” Two years later, my client and her manicurist’s friend were married. Another very determined clients sent out a mass email to her family and friends offering a cash bonus to anyone who could fix her up with someone she wound up dating. You never know who—your hairstylist, Great Aunt, next door neighbor, or yoga instructor—might might know someone who would be perfect for you!
- You’re at your best when you’re doing things you enjoy, so sign up for clubs and take some classes. It’s a great way to meet people and learn to do something new. You can volunteer, join a sports team, or get involved in neighborhood or local politics. One of my clients met her current partner in a photography class. Now they’re both retired and travel all over taking photography classes and shooting photos, and are even developing their passion into a business.
- Say “yes” to more invites! As we get older and are exhausted from work and other responsibilities, we start turning down more and more social invitations. I don’t care if you’re in your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s or 60’s. You aren’t going to meet someone sitting at home watching reruns of Golden Girls. Get out there! Go to happy hours with friends. Say yes to being fixed up on double dates. Go to karaoke night even if you just sit there and laugh at your friends. You never know who’s going to be there
- Start going where members of the opposite sex are most likely to go! If you’re a woman, you might hang out at sports bars or cool neighborhood bars, golf ranges, steakhouses, If you’re a man, you might meet women at yoga classes, cocktail bars, brunches, cooking classes, dance classes, fitness or yoga classes, spiritual workshops, church (more women than men!), and even nail salons (so many men go to nail salons—it’s shocking!), etc.
- Finally, you need to attend singles events. I know. I know. I can hear your inner dialogue as I’m typing this: “But I hate those things. Everyone there seems like a loser. Even I feel like a loser when I’m there…” Blah, blah, blah. Meetup.com offers all kinds of singles events—game nights, singles hiking groups, speed dating, wine tastings, and yoga classes, to name a few. If you’re really committed to doing this, you will find something you’re into. I know these events can seem boring, but you can make them fun for yourself. If nothing else, go and practice flirting and “getting emotionally naked.” Many people are good at talking to members of the opposite sex when it comes to business, but that doesn’t mean they know how to flirt and make the kind of deep emotional connection that would make someone want to ask them on a date. So, get out and start learning how to connect.
Sometimes we forget the simplest strategies work best of all: be sure to smile and make eye contact with members of the opposite sex and don’t be afraid to initiate a conversation! Recently, a client of mine had a casual conversation with a man she met while buying popcorn at the movies. She just assumed that the woman he was with was his date. It turned out the two were good friends and the man—a handsome attorney—tracked my client down based on something she said to him and asked her out. On the date, he confessed to her that women never speak to him first and that he was impressed with how fun and outgoing she seemed. So, get out and talk to everyone. You’ve got nothing to lose!
If you’re having a hard time putting yourself out there and want more personalized advice, call me to set up a coaching session. There might be something deeper blocking you from meeting someone. In the last 12 years I have helped hundreds of singles find true love. I can help you too!
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