Naked Truth #1 – Meeting your soul mate could feel very different than you think
When I met my husband for the first time, he was a complete surprise—not an unexpected surprise, but a quiet one. I had arrived at the restaurant early. In fact, he had gotten lost and was at least 20 minutes late for our date. I was seated at the bar, and he walked over to me, took my hand in his, and said, “It is so nice to meet you.” The moment I lifted my gaze to meet his, I knew the meaning of the phrase, “The eyes are the windows to the soul.” I was staring into the eyes of the kindest person I had ever met. In that naked moment, he revealed himself to me and I to him. As someone who usually felt anxious on first dates, I was totally at ease.
The feeling I had that night, staring into the eyes of my future husband, took me by surprise. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. There were no fireworks or fanfare. I didn’t feel butterflies in my stomach or light as air. Truth be told, I’d felt those things before… with my ex- husband, and 12 years later, I was asking for a divorce. This was different. It was like I’d come home and I was finally where I belonged.
So many people are stuck on the idea that when they meet the person they’re meant to spend the rest of their lives with, they’ll experience this overwhelming rush of adrenaline and excitement—that weak-in-the-knees feeling they talk about in movies. And when they don’t have that experience on the first couple of dates, they’re ready to write that person off convinced that he or she isn’t “the one.” But if you talk to people who are in loving, committed relationships, they’ll often say meeting their mate didn’t feel overwhelming or like some out-of-body experience—it just felt right. They will also say they didn’t fall for their partner overnight; their feelings came on slowly, and it wasn’t until weeks or months into dating that they realized they’d met someone they could spend the rest of their lives with.
So, if there are no butterflies or fireworks on a first date, how can you possibly know whether a person has the potential to be “the one?” Here are a few suggestions:
First, you need to see if you can find a handful of qualities you really admire about your date. When I first met my husband, I could see that he was kind, accomplished, present, self-aware, and generous, among other things. He was clearly a very special person, but he was also completely different from other men I’d dated. I honestly didn’t have a clue how we would fit together as a couple. I felt like I was in unknown territory. But just because it didn’t feel familiar didn’t mean it wasn’t right… which leads me to my second suggestion:
If someone you’re dating has some admirable qualities and is not like the people you usually date, you need to give him or her a real chance. If you’re like most people, you haven’t chosen the best partners in the past, which is why you’re still dating. To find the right person, you need to get out of your own way and date people who break the mold.
Third, with each date you should feel like you are learning more about each other and growing closer. This can take some time, so pay attention and tune in to subtle shifts in your feelings. Maybe you find that you can’t stop thinking about the cute gap between her teeth or how calls his grandmother every Sunday. It can takes time to develop a real friendship with someone new… and if you really think about it, a partner is actually a best friend that you have sex with.
If you met someone new and he or she hasn’t blown you away just yet, keep in mind that dating is a journey of the heart, but a racing heart isn’t always the best indication of a good match. If you’re out in the dating world, I encourage you to let go of your wild fantasies and expectations, get out of your own way, and give people more of a chance. Who knows? Your soul mate could be hiding in plain sight, and it’s only a matter of time before that person comes into focus.
Are you struggling with dating? Book a coaching consultation and see how I can help!
A Valentine’s Story
In light of Valentine’s Day, I thought I would tell you a story about a client who almost blew a chance at having real love.
Jenny Meets Sam
Jenny was a curvy, 37-year-old blonde, never married, who longed to have children of her own. Her search for the man of her dreams was not going well. The four years she’d spent dating online had felt like an eternity and she’d netted only a couple of short relationships during that time. In our coaching sessions, Jenny regularly complained about hard it is to date in L.A., how there are no good men left, and how Internet dating was an exercise in futility. If you’re dating and seriously searching for a life partner, you can probably relate to how discouraged she felt.
Meeting Sam, an ambitious, outgoing architect, caught Jenny by surprise. At first, she thought he was a great catch. Even though he lived 45 miles away and the commute could take him an hour and a half each way, he insisted on making the drive to see her for their first three dates. She was happy that he never used the distance as an excuse to get her to let him stay over, and despite not knowing the area, she was impressed by the ingenuity he showed in planning their dates.
He Doesn’t Get It!
On the day before Valentine’s Day, Jenny called me for an emergency session. Her voice tightened as she told me how Sam hadn’t asked her out for the 14th.
“Any man should know how important Valentine’s Day is to a woman,” Jenny said, as if she were reciting a universal truth.
“I hear that you’re upset,” I replied, trying to calm her down, “but you have only been on three dates. Do you think you could be expecting a little much too soon?”
Jenny was so hurt she couldn’t hear what I said. “If you’re dating someone and it’s Valentine’s Day, you should ask her out. I want to date the kind of guy who wouldn’t leave me sitting at home alone on a holiday. I’m ending it.”
Two weeks ago, Jenny was sobbing in my chair, telling me there “are no good guys,” and now she was threatening to give a really good guy the ax over what I felt was an unfair expectation on her part. It was hard to watch her sabotage herself like this, but I knew there was nothing I could do. Jenny was convinced she was right. As she left my office, she paused at the door to tell me she was going straight home and breaking it off with Sam. She’d completely forgotten that she’d been single for six long years and that this was the first man she’d felt really excited about in all that time.
The following morning was Valentine’s Day. Jenny had felt exhausted from our session the previous day and never wound up contacting Sam. Now, she sat alone in her office, watching as flowers were delivered to the offices of several of her coworkers. As each colorful bouquet passed her door, Jenny felt her heart sink lower and lower. She couldn’t believe that she had to suffer through another Valentine’s Day alone. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself that it was just another stupid, commercial holiday, Jenny still felt depressed. Finally, she opened her email and started furiously typing her goodbye to Sam.
“Hey, ready for lunch?” her coworker, Rosa, shouted, poking her head into Jenny’s office.
Was it that time already? Snapping her laptop shut, Jenny reached for her sweater and sulked out the door. At lunch, she updated Rosa on how things were going with Sam. Hearing how hurt Jenny was, Rosa urged her to write the email right away and get it off her mind.
As Jenny headed back to her office after lunch, the receptionist called out, “Something came for you. It’s on your desk.” She wasn’t expecting any packages. What could it be? Jenny opened the door to her office and gasped. At that same moment, Jenny’s boss, Emily, rounded the corner and blurted out, “Whoa! Who’s the big spender?” Jenny shrugged as she stared at two-dozen red and white roses.
Emily joked, “I hope they’re not from your ex!” while Jenny searched for the card.
“Don’t even joke about that!” Jenny winced, remembering how she’d nearly had to take out a restraining order on him. When she found the tiny, gold envelope tucked inside the bouquet, she pealed back the flap and read the note silently with Emily by her side.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Beautiful!
Can’t wait to see you again.
Jenny’s mind began to race. She couldn’t believe how close she had come to sending that email and ending things. How could she have been so dumb? She’d almost ruined everything!
Happily Ever After
Two years later, Jenny and Sam got married and they now have two precious daughters. I still get a holiday card from them every year. A few months ago, Jenny and I traded emails and I teased her about how stubborn she had been and how different things might have turned out if that email had been sent. Jenny wrote back saying that she could now see that her expectations had been unreasonable and that she’d almost sabotaged the relationship. She also added that, ironically, a friend of hers had been in an almost identical situation. Jenny wrote that she’d thought of me as she was begging her friend not to be hasty and write the guy off.
And the Moral of the Story Is…
You might want a relationship more than anything, but if you’ve been single for a long time, it might also be hard to trust a loving person when you find him. Like Jenny, your fear of becoming even more disappointed could cause you to run at the first sign of disappointment. It’s important not to expect a man to follow too many rules or jump through too many hoops. You ned to stop running away and learn how get emotionally naked and express your feelings instead. It’s okay to tell a man you’re feeling hurt or disappointed. It’s all in the way you say it. If Jenny had written to Sam, the best thing she could have said would have been something like, “I know we haven’t been dating long, but I really like you and it would have so nice to have spent Valentine’s Day with you. Maybe next year?” Asking for what you want is always the best solution. If you want to find out if someone is willing to give you what you want, you need get emotionally naked and ask for it. That’s Naked Dating in a nutshell!
Click here to book a sample session and see how I can help you stop sabotaging your chances at love and find a Valentine of your own!
Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope you find the love you’re looking for.
There’s a Big Difference Between Being too Picky and Having High Standards
He Lost Me at Marie Calendar’s
I once had a guy take me to Marie Calendar’s on a first date. It could have been a Sizzler or Chili’s or The Olive Garden. For some people this wouldn’t be a big deal, but they’re just not the kind of places I hang. It wasn’t about money; it was about originality. A cute ramen noodle shop or a hip hamburger joint would have been fine by me. Some people would think I was being shallow for rejecting a man on this one criterion alone, but there’s a big difference between being too picky and having high standards. I knew for certain that Mr. Marie Calendar’s wasn’t my guy. I’m not a chicken potpie kind of girl and I never will be!
When I told this story to a client yesterday who is dating and struggling to figure out if her own standards are too high, she was shocked. “You didn’t want to see him again just because he took you to Marie Calendar’s?” she inquired.
“Yep,” I replied, confidently.
“But don’t you think you were being too picky?” she asked. “What if he had all the other qualities you were looking for? Wasn’t it superficial to write him off just because of his choice of restaurants? I mean shouldn’t you have given him another chance?”
“No. He was a sweet guy, but it was obvious to me that our taste was very different and I knew it wouldn’t work. I feel that, on a first date, someone is trying to make a good impression and his choice of restaurants says a lot about his preferences. It shows his taste and style. The evening was pleasant and I was appreciative that he treated me to dinner, but I knew we weren’t a match.”
When you’re dating, it’s important to trust your gut, draw your lines, and stick to them. It would have been the same situation if my date had told me his idea of a great vacation was going on a Princess Cruise. I went on one once and it’s not something I ever want to do again. There are plenty of people out there who enjoy Princess Cruises: just not me.
Narrowing the field
You need to look for a partner whose values align with yours. For that to happen, you need to know what’s important to you and take a stand for it. Asking for what you want doesn’t mean you’re being too demanding, but keep in mine that each time you add another criteria to your list, it will narrow your dating field a little (or—in some cases—a lot) more.
Recently, while attending an eHarmony luncheon, Grant Langston, Vice President and head of Brand Marketing, addressed this issue. He gave the example that, if you want to date someone who doesn’t drink alcohol, it will cut your dating pool by 75%. This might seem like a lot, but if you don’t drink alcohol and you don’t want to be around it, then you need to draw that line. If you aren’t attracted to men who are bald or stocky or actors or high school grads, you don’t have to date them. Just know that each non-negotiable on your list will cut away another chunk of the pie, and you might only be left with a sliver.
It’s important to set your standards as high as you feel necessary, but if you find fault with everyone you date, then your friends are right: you’re being “too picky.” When I was dating, I didn’t find fault with everyone. There were plenty of people I liked very much and that I was willing to date. Those relationships didn’t work out for a variety of reasons, but not because my standards were too high.
When no one is good enough
If your standards are impossibly high and no one can reach them, it might be because you’re afraid of the very thing you claim to be looking for: a serious relationship.
You might actually be looking for shortcomings and flaws in your dates as a means of protecting yourself from disappointment or rejection. If no one meets your standards, then you’ll never have to enter into a serious relationship. If you never enter into a serious relationship, you’ll never get hurt. It’s self-sabotage at its best.
There is a difference between having high standards and being too picky, and only you can answer that question for yourself. You have to gauge if you’re being discerning or if you’re being fearful. At the end of the day, you get to set the bar wherever you see fit. Just remember that you need to be true to yourself and your values and know that it might take time and patience to find the love of your life. If you have the courage to stand for what you want and keep dating, you might not just find someone who meets your expectations, but who exceeds them. I did.
Are you afraid you’ll never meet someone who meets your standards? Book a consultation and see how I can help you work through your blocks and find love.
Slow and Steady Wins the Race
The other day, my client Tracy came in for a session. We had been working together for a few months. She was getting a great response online, going on lots of dates, but she hadn’t met anyone that she was excited about… until Charlie.
“Lisa, we had the most amazing date,” she exclaimed, her eyes practically rolling back in her head as she sunk into the chair. “He isn’t like other men I’ve met. He’s so sweet… and handsome… and successful… and the chemistry is OFF. THE. CHARTS.”
“Oh boy,” I thought to myself, “here we go again.”
There was no denying it: Tracy was drunk on lust, and she certainly wasn’t the first client of mine who’d taken that drink. It killed me to have to be the one to put a damper on her enthusiasm and remind her to slow down, but that’s what she was paying me for: to be the ultimate buzz kill. But seriously, I like to think of myself as the voice of reason.
So, let’s be reasonable. When you go on a first date with someone who makes your body tingle from head to toe and your brain run in endless little circles of excitement, you need to remind yourself to s l o w down, breathe, and proceed with caution. Think about this: It’s a big leap from, “Oh my God, we have so much in common and the chemistry is so intense!” to “Let’s get married, make babies, and spend the rest of our lives together.”
When I was younger, I would completely spin out when I met someone I liked. He would be all I could think about. Fourteen years ago, when I posted my profile and pictures on an online dating site for the first time, I had a little talk with myself. “Lisa,” I said, “you are done rushing into relationships. It doesn’t work. No matter how much chemistry and connection you feel with someone, you cannot truly know a man on a first date or a second date or, even, a third.” At the end of every date with someone I found attractive, I would remind myself, “Lisa’s, he’s a nice guy AND you don’t know him.”
When I met my future husband, I spent two hours staring into the kindest eyes I had ever seen. I could tell that he was someone very special and he seemed to be enamored with me, as well. Still, as I drove the few blocks from the restaurant back home to my apartment, I reminded myself, “That was one of the kindest men you’ve ever met AND you don’t know him.” I had been on dates with men who seemed wonderful in the moment, only to never hear from them again and I’d learned not to get ahead of myself.
It takes time for two people to really get to know each other, to know each other’s hopes, dreams, and fears. Most importantly, it takes time to discover the places where you both clash and draw your lines. Some people say that you don’t really start to know someone until you’ve had your first argument. I agree that the first fight is usually the turning point where most relationships start to get real. I am not a big believer in fireworks and love at first sight. In my 12 years as a dating coach I have seen almost all of these magic encounters burn out as quickly as they started.
Most people want to feel wowed when they meet their soul mate, but there are no shortcuts to creating a real love that will last. Slow and steady wins the race. I know this sounds boring, but take it from a woman who will be celebrating her twelfth wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks. Think about it: if you’re really going to spend the rest of your life with someone, what’s the hurry?
Are you having trouble taking your time during the dating process and need some advice? Book a free consultation and see how I can help!
28 Things Every Woman Wishes Her Man Knew
Let’s face it: women are way more confusing than men. We expect you to know the answers to questions we aren’t even sure of. Sometimes, figuring us out can seem as impossible as trying to solve a Rubix Cube blindfolded. This week, we thought we would throw you dirty dogs a bone and give you the Cliffs Notes to understanding women. Here are 28 things every woman wishes her man knew about her. If you think these are tough, you should see the 5,098 other tips we left on the cutting room floor!
- We never get to the point. Is there a point?
- We’re emotional. Deal with it.
- Silence is torture for most of us. The majority of women are talkers.
- We never get tired of hearing how good we look.
- Beyoncé was channeling the divine truth when she sang the words, “If you want it you better put a ring on it.”
- If you want to be guaranteed to get some at the end of the night, you gotta ratchet up the romance.
- We drop hints about the things we want you to do for us all the time… and we love a guy who picks up on them.
- Sending flowers can only make up for so much… then you need to send those little blue boxes, the kind that say “Tiffany & Co.” on them.
- Flowers on anniversaries and birthdays are to be expected, but smart guys send anytime with notes that say, “Just because I love you.” You score extra points if you send them to our office where all our coworkers can see them.
- Texting is fine, but if we’re into you, we would love you to pick up the phone so we can hear your voice.
- It’s easy to find younger women attractive, but what we really want to hear is how you think women get more beautiful as they get older.
- If you lock your phone or put it face down in front of us, it’s just going to make us curious.
- Men who can cook are sexy.
- We don’t respect a man who will let us walk all over him, and we can sense it from a mile away.
- A lot of us still think you should make the first move… and pay for dinner, especially while you’re courting us.
- Most of the time, we aren’t looking for answers. We just want you to listen and tell us everything will be okay.
- We will never think your burp and fart jokes are funny.
- We want to feel protected. We expect you to call us after a fight, even if we started it.
- If we’re in a relationship and we try to push you away, we really don’t want you to go. We you want you to fight for us.
- We tell you how strong and independent we are, but we really don’t want to be that that way that with you.
- I know we make it look easy, but looking this good takes time. Don’t rush us when we have a mascara wand in our hand.
- No matter how many clothes are in the closet, we’ll never have anything to wear.
- We will never own enough pretty, sparkly things.
- If you don’t want us to act like your mother, start acting like a man.
- PMS is a real thing, but some of us have been known to use it our advantage.
- The “Hallmark” of a great guy is one that knows his way around a greeting card.
- Don’t take it personally if you can’t get us off. It’s not as easy for us as it is for you.
- Also try not to take it so personally when we turn you down. We might be PMS-ing or we might be feeling fat. Sometimes we just can’t face the one-eyed monster.
I’m sure you could tell us a thing or two about what men would like us to know about them… if we would just let you get a word in edgewise! 😉
Are you having trouble connecting with the opposite sex? Book a free consultation with me today.
Four Tools to Stop You From Interviewing Your Dates
“Where’d you grow up? What kind of food do you like? Do you want to get married again? Are you a cat person or a dog person???”
Let’s face it—first dates are nothing if not anxiety provoking. Two perfect strangers walk into a room, each with their own set of nerves, baggage, and expectations, hoping for a connection. Both daters want to have a good time and get to know the person sitting across from them, but before you know it, someone’s firing off a dozen questions and the date feels like a grueling job interview. It’s a total vibe killer.
The other day, my assistant told me a story about a bad date between two friends she had set up that ended up being another unfortunate casualty of the dreaded first date interview. The girl was one of her close friend’s from high school and the guy was one of her boyfriend’s longtime family friends. They were both young, good looking, and had promising careers in the art world. It seemed like a perfect match. When my assistant called her friend to hear about how the date went, she couldn’t believe it when she told her it was one of the worst dates she’d ever been on. “I felt like I was on a job interview,” she said. “He just kept asking me question after question, and I felt really uncomfortable.” Curious to hear the other side of the story, my assistant had her boyfriend get the scoop on the date from his friend. And here’s the rub—he complained about the same thing! They both felt like they had been on an interview and that the other was too guarded and closed off to make a real connection.
Her story got me thinking about my clients and how so many of them struggle with the very same issue on dates. They just don’t know how to relax and open up, and they often go home feeling totally dejected. But it doesn’t have to be this way! Here’s a list of four things you can try on your next date to avoid succumbing to that first date interview and make a real connection with someone:
- Ask open-ended questions – rather than jumping from subject to subject, take one topic and explore it. A great way to do this is by asking your date open-ended questions that require more than just a one-word answer. For example, if you’re into film and want to get a feel for your date’s interest in the subject, try asking “what kind of films do you enjoy?” as opposed to “what’s your favorite movie?” The idea is to get your date to open up and share his/her thoughts, feelings, and passions. If you let the conversation flow naturally, you might find the answers to those burning questions will present themselves on their own.
- Get comfortable with silence – When it comes to first dates, people often talk about that dreaded “awkward silence.” But why does it have to be awkward? If there’s a lull in the conversation, don’t panic. Use it as an opportunity to get closer to your date and connect on a deeper level. Make eye contact, smile, read his/her body language. I know this can be scary for some people. We’re so accustomed to thinking of silence as uncomfortable or an indication that a date isn’t going well. If your instinct is to break the silence with a series of rapid-fire questions or idle chatter, try taking three deep breaths first. You might find the “awkwardness” will pass on its own and the conversation will resume organically.
- Go into each date with a Beginner’s Mind – In Zen Buddhism, there is a concept called Shoshin, or “beginner’s mind.” It encourages an attitude of openness and eagerness when it comes to study, but it can also be applied to first dates! When you’ve been out in the dating world for a while, it’s easy to get discouraged and bring negativity into a date. Just because your last date was a bust, it doesn’t mean your next one will be. I encourage you to practice Shoshin and to approach each date with a fresh perspective, an open heart, and a beginner’s mind.
- Practice Naked Dating –Naked Dating® is about tapping into your dates on an emotional level—that’s where a real connection happens. It’s difficult for us to do this because we’re so accustomed to operating on an intellectual level in other parts of our lives. We’re taught that we need to be strong and self-reliant in the workplace, and because of that, we lose some of the softness and vulnerability that makes us attractive. Naked Dating® is about letting down your guard and allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable with your dates. It’s about looking at each date as an opportunity not only to meet a potential match, but to get to know yourself better, learn how to ask for what you want, and open yourself up to new possibilities in life and love.
While I can’t offer you a magic wand that will take away all your first date jitters or guarantee your next date will be a perfect match, I can tell you with confidence that if you start trying these approaches on your dates, that dreaded first date interview will become a thing of the past. You’ll start connecting with your dates on a deeper, more emotional level, and you’ll go home at the end of the night knowing that even if you didn’t meet “the one,” you learned something about yourself and what you’re looking for in the process. You’ll stop interviewing your dates and start dating Naked!
If you’re having trouble connecting with your dates, book a free consultation with me:
Looking for Love is the Best Way to Find It
Why do I have look for love?
At 38, my client Jenny is still a head turner. She’s tall and slim with chestnut eyes and thick auburn hair that falls to the middle of her back. She has a wicked sense of humor and an infectious laugh and the last thing she wants to do is go looking for love.
Where have all the cowboys gone?
You’d think that there would be a line of men around the corner waiting to ask her out… and for most of her life there was. She never had to look for a date. But at some point the offers stopped coming. Maybe it was because she started working longer hours. Maybe it was because she was spending too much time having dinners with her girlfriends or working out at the gym. Or maybe it was because there were deeper issues preventing her from developing a relationship with a man.
I asked her to tell me about her past relationships. “Most of the guys I dated weren’t relationship material,” she admitted, “but I wasn’t in a hurry to get married, so it didn’t matter. I figured that when I felt ready to settle down, the right man would come along.”
You don’t want to miss the rodeo
More and more people are falling into a trap where they aren’t in a hurry to meet someone and they focus, instead, on their careers, develop a collection of fabulous friends, and travel to exotic places. Then, they wake up somewhere around 36 and realize there’s a real void in their lives when it comes to romance. They go about their lives expecting it will happen and then they have a rude awakening when it doesn’t.
When I pressed Jenny harder, I got to the deeper truth. She admitted that she could become jealous and needy in a relationship. She told me that a man she had dated recently ended the relationship when she threw a jealous fit over a text message he received one night from a longtime female friend. She had assumed that, as she got older, the jealousy and neediness that had plagued her past relationships would work itself out, but obviously she still had issues.
You might think that, with time and age, you will know yourself better, your issues will resolve themselves, and you will attract the right person. This sounds logical, but I have found that, very often, this isn’t the case.
Never ask a barber if you need a haircut, but do ask a dating coach for dating advice!
Working with a dating coach will help you identify and break the repeated patterns that are preventing you from getting close to someone in a relationship. If you don’t work through your fears and insecurities, they will carry over from relationship to relationship. This is what is referred to as baggage—and we all have it.
We all have a fear of rejection. Dating affords us an opportunity to meet a lot of different people so that we can work through the fears that are blocking us from having true intimacy.
I know dating isn’t always fun, but my one-on-one coaching sessions, I can show you how to use the dating process to break through your emotional blocks and find true love. Having a coach can help give you the tools and skills to date differently. Remember that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. If you want something to change you have to make changes. Let me help you stop spinning your wheels and start moving toward the love and relationship of your dreams!
To book a coaching consult with Lisa CLICK HERE:
You have to be happy with yourself before you can ever be happy with someone else.
When Pharell’s song “Happy” comes on the radio, he wants us all to clap along and feel happy, too. Granted, the tune is catchy, but have you ever listened to the lyrics? “Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof?” Wow. That’s deep. He also posits “happiness is The Truth.” I wish it were that simple. While happiness has become a big buzzword in psychological circles, what happiness actually looks and feels like in modern society is still not clear. Are our romanticrelationships an accurate barometer for our happiness? If we look at our nation’s divorce rate, it becomes abundantly clear that not everyone is as happy as Pharell would like us to think.
So why does that blissful, perfect, fairy tale happiness we all seek feel like some hollow promise and cheesy pop song cliche? Probably because it doesn’t exist — at least not in the way modern media would lead us to believe. Most people search for someone to love, thinking this will make them happy and solve all of their problems. But the truth is, nobody else can make you happy (or fix you); you have to do it yourself.
Read more on YourTango!