December, 2017

Why Are the People We’re Attracted to Not Attracted to Us?

Why are we attracted to people who aren't attracted to us

Why don’t the people we’re attracted to find us attractive while the people we don’t find attractive are attracted to us? This is one of the GREAT dating conundrums of all time. Luckily, there’s actually a very SIMPLE explanation.

Most often, when we feel attracted to someone, we become NERVOUS, self-conscious, or even NEEDY, and we stop being ourselves. In other words, when you want someone to like you, all of your insecurities come bubbling up to the surface and cause you to question why THEY would want to date someone like YOU.

  • “Am I PRETTY enough to date someone like him?”

  • “Am I SUCCESSFUL enough to get a woman like her?”

  • “A guy like that doesn’t need to date a woman with 2 YOUNG KIDS.”

  • “A woman that hot would want a guy with a 6-PACK.”

Try this. Close your eyes and imagine yourself on a date with a friend that you like but don’t find particularly attractive. How do you feel? Indifferent? Turned off? In control?

Now imagine you’re on a date with someone who gives you butterflies in the pit of your stomach. How does THAT make you feel? Excited? At ease? Self-conscious?

Even the most confident person would find it IMPOSSIBLE to be authentic in the moment if they’re feeling self-conscious and insecure.

Do you remember the plot twist from Sex in the City, the one where Big met a woman who treated him the way he treated Carrie? It was a BRILLIANT piece of screenwriting. It was amazing to see this man who SEEMED to be the embodiment of self-confidence scrambling for the right things to say and do. He was so DESPERATE that he even called Carrie for advice!

Because it can be so SCARY to take off our masks, get Emotionally Naked, and let someone see who we truly are, many people default to using SEX as their main way of creating a connection. Over the past 15 years, I have coached many women and men who are well-versed in the art of SEDUCTION. They know how to put on an act and create a SEXUAL connection, but they don’t know how to create a deep, authentic EMOTIONAL connection on a date.

So, how do you start to become comfortable getting Emotionally Naked and connecting with the people you find attractive? My free online workshop is a great place to start.

If you’re looking for a few techniques you can use right away to feel more attractive, here are some additional tips:

1. Start to Recognize Your Fears: When you’re sitting on a date and you feel intimidated by someone, listen to what your FRENEMY (aka inner critic) is telling you. It will make comments like the ones I listed above. It doesn’t matter if your date thinks you’re overweight or not successful enough. You need to recognize that the REAL issue is that YOU believe these things about yourself.

Identifying your fears is the FIRST STEP to letting them go. Write them down. Then ask the universe for them to be RELEASED. You don’t have to know HOW this works. Sometimes declaring that you are ready to let your fears go and ASKING the universe for help is ALL you need to do. Really.

2. Tune into Your Naked Dater: If YOU listen to your Frenemy, it WILL sabotage your dating. But you have another voice inside. I call it your NAKED DATER. Your Naked Dater is the voice of your HIGHER SELF or Inner Wisdom. The more you tune into this loving, compassionate voice, the BETTER you will feel about yourself as you date.

I encourage all of my clients to give their Naked Dater a name. Mine is called Pantanjali. You can call yours Wilma, Fred, Merlin, Dumbledore, or Oprah. Whatever works for YOU. Just have FUN with it. Start listening to this loving, nurturing, positive part of yourself. You might actually like what it has to say!

Your Naked Dater will tell you:

  • “The RIGHT person will accept you EXACTLY the way you are. That’s who you want to be with.”

  • “Even if you aren’t at your optimal weight, YOU can be SEXY at any weight. It’s all about attitude.”

  • “You are a good person and I love you NO matter what.”

  • “Nobody’s perfect. When you love someone, you love the WHOLE person.”

3. Change Your Body Language: Before you meet your date, stand up STRAIGHT, pull your shoulders BACK and EXPAND the energy in your chest. This is a POWER stance. Anytime you get in your head and start to feel insecure during the date, remember a PEAK moment in your life, then sit up tall, open up the energy in your chest and SMILE.

If you want even MORE support, click here to join my private Facebook Group, Dating Without Drama,where other men and women just like you are supporting each other in their search for lasting love.

But even more importantly, if you’re TRULY ready to meet The One and you don’t want to WASTE another second spinning your wheels and trying to figure this out on your own, let’s set up a 1-hour consult and see if coaching is right for you!  There’s NO reason to spend another second agonizing over this. Dating is a journey. Let me be your guide.



Do YOU Sabotage Dates Because You’re NOT Ready for Love?

Sabotage Love?

I have no doubt that my husband, Benjamin, would NOT have been attracted to me when I first started dating 17 years ago. But the dating process helped me open my heart and get a handle on my emotions. Dating SHAPED me into the woman he fell in love with in that magic moment when we met two years and 100 first dates later.

When I started dating again, I approached it as a SPIRITUAL JOURNEY. I decided to see each interaction as an OPPORTUNITY to learn to open my heart wider and become a more loving person.

When I looked at others in the dating world, I watched as their hearts and minds became less open with each disappointing date, and the road ahead of them grew NARROWER.

As I dated, I wanted the road ahead to get WIDER. I wanted to become MORE openhearted, MORE open-minded, and MORE compassionate with each date.

If a man was unkind or disappointed me in some way, rather than get angry or blame him for what happened, I told myself that he didn’t owe me anything. He was doing me a favor by making space for the RIGHT MAN to come into my life.

After a while, I stopped caring why certain men behaved the way they did. It really didn’t matter. I knew how I wanted a man to treat me, I knew he was out there, and I was willing to keep dating until I found him.

None of this was any easier for me than it is for you. I wanted a partner more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. Facing one rejection after another was terribly painful, but the more I was willing to learn from my mistakes and focus on keeping my heart and mind open, the easier it got. I can show you how to do this. Check out my online workshop to learn more.

Today, I’m ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that everything I went through when I dated prepared me for the relationship of my dreams. By using my dating experience to work through my DRAMA, I wound up attracting an AMAZING man and together we have been able to create a relationship that is EVEN BETTER than anything I could have imagined!

I watch so many singles FLOUNDER in the dating world and become increasingly angry, disappointed, and discouraged when things don’t go the way they EXPECT them to.

What this tells me is that they still have WORK to do to prepare for The One. They need to learn how to HUMBLE themselves, SURRENDER to the process, and let each date TEACH them how to open their hearts to love and be loved. Maybe this speaks to you?

There is a BIG difference between thinking you are emotionally available and ready for the relationship of your dreams and truly being ready to meet The One. When you’re REALLY ready, you WILL know.

So, here’s my question for you:

Do you truly believe YOU are emotionally ready for the kind of relationship you want?

If that person walked into your life RIGHT NOW, do you have an OPEN HEART and are your fears of trusting someone or being rejected or abandoned UNDER CONTROL?

Or, would you SABOTAGE IT by reacting and pushing the person away the moment they let you down?

Warm Regards,




P.S.  Don’t forget to check out my Free Online Workshop!

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