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May, 2013

4 tips for great dating profile photos

Here’s 4 tips to follow if you want awesome profile pictures!

1: No group pictures with lots of people.

You may be the best friends in the world, but keep them out of your dating profile photos. Don’t make people work at working out which one is you in your profile picture – it’s a waste of time trying to figure who’s who in a group of friends!

Click here to schedule a valuable session with Dating Expert, Lisa shield

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2: Take the time to create a profile picture.

Don’t cut it out from a group picture, and definitely don’t remove an ex from the picture! And don’t use your driving license or passport picture!

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3: Keep your face visible

no sunglasses, looking away or hat covering your face! Your picture is how people recognize you from all the other millions of people. (And while looking away from the camera may work if you’re in your teens or early twenties may be good advice to younger people-to look away and try to be moody in your late twenties or older looks posed and ridiculous).

4: Wear clothes you feel confident in

Wear the outfit which has got you the most compliments, and remember that when you feel confident you “project this” in your photos.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…great dating profile photos make a huge difference

Having great online dating profile photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline.com and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your dating experience way more fun than you thought possible!
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Click here to learn more (promo code “ebook”)

Schedule a session with Dating Expert, Lisa Shield, by clicking here

 

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

Jennifer’s Story

My client, Jennifer, and I have been coaching together for the past five months. Jennifer is a very attractive, high-powered professional in her early forties. Like many of my clients, she woke up one day and realized that she had attained almost everything she wanted in life except a partner to share it with. Somehow, this important piece had eluded her. Why was this beautiful, successful, sexy woman still single? Jennifer decided to hire a dating coach to help her find out. As luck would have it, that dating coach was me.

Jennifer has been a joy to work with—she’s a dream client. I love her sense of humor and I have so much respect for the way she’s stretched herself and grown throughout the coaching process. I thought she’d be the perfect person to interview for this newsletter so that she could share her experience of what it’s like to work with a dating coach. So, without further adieu, here’s Jennifer!

Lisa: So, what prompted you to contact a dating coach?

Jennifer: Well, absolutely nothing was happening on the dating front, and it started to become clear to me that I needed help figuring out what I was doing wrong. Something happened that got me to start looking for a coach. Did I ever tell you that story?

L: No, but I would love to hear about it.

J: This is really embarrassing, but I was watching The Biggest Loser and there was this guy. I think he was about 24. He’d been overweight all his life and he’d ever been on a date, so he felt pretty lousy about himself. The show thought it might help him stay on his diet if they hired a dating coach for him. He was set up on dates and then the coach gave him feedback on how he did. It got me thinking: “If this guy can get someone to help him date, why can’t I?” So, right then and there, I went and Googled dating coaches… and whose name should pop up? I was able to book a session right away through your online calendar so I just went for it… and the rest is history.

L: I love it! What were you hoping to get from working with a dating coach?

J: My friends were willing to give me dating advice, but they knew me too well to tell me what my barriers were, and I certainly wasn’t able to see them on my own. So, I figured it would be helpful to get a fresh perspective. I knew that some of the behaviors that came so naturally to me must not be attractive to men. I didn’t know if maybe I seemed standoffish or if I just wasn’t being warm and open, but I felt that a dating expert could help me see what I was doing wrong.

L: What have you learned from the coaching? 

J: OMG! I’ve learned a ton from you… so much that it’s hard to put into words. You’ve completely changed my mindset and outlook on dating. You encouraged me to embrace the softer side of myself. You told me that guys are not looking for a business associate; they want a playmate, a lover, and a best friend—someone they can love and feel safe opening up to.

Schedule a session with Lisa by clicking on this link

Another thing you pointed out is that I rush around a lot.  I’m a very type A personality. You encouraged me to slow down and be more present.  You said that women who are present and in their bodies are more sensual and more attractive to men.

You also radically changed the way I think about the kind of men I should be looking for.  You encouraged me not to be in such a hurry to meet someone. You said that I should enjoy the process of getting to know men and letting them get to know me.  I had a lot of barriers up.  I was always giving men the stiff arm and I certainly wasn’t practicing getting Naked. I was dating, but I wasn’t letting anyone get close to me: “You stay over there and I will tell you as much as I want to tell you when I want tell it to you.”  That’s not good behavior if you want to form a relationship.

There is so much that I’ve learned.  I think about what you tell me all the time, and I hope I’m putting it into practice.  Just being able to describe all of this is monumental for me.  These concepts are really simple, but if someone doesn’t know them, they could be sitting on the sidelines forever.

L: Would you mention three things you appreciate about having me as your coach?

J: The first thing is that your comments and observations are down-to-earth and real. I love how you discourage playing games of any kind. You’ve shown me how to go out on dates and practice getting emotionally naked so that a man can get to know and fall in love with the real me. The guidance you’ve given me is practical and it really works.

Another thing I appreciate about you is that I don’t feel like I’m just another client. I feel like I am your project, but in a good way. You truly care. You even touch base with me outside of the sessions.  You are continually nudging me to be active and pursue dating.  I genuinely feel that you want me to find a life partner as much as I do… and that’s unusual.  I feel like you put your heart and soul into helping your clients.

The third thing I love about you is that you tell it like it is. I will never forget the time you called me to the carpet and said that I sucked as a client. You said that you were frustrated because I had everything going for me and you couldn’t help me if I wasn’t going to help myself. That was really impressive because I am paying you to coach me, but that didn’t matter to you. You were more committed to telling me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear. You were trying to figure out a way to shake me up and get me moving in the right direction.  I loved that.  It was the greatest experience.

L: If people are on the fence about hiring a dating coach, what would you tell them? 

J: Don’t be embarrassed about it. It’s okay to admit that you need help with this part of your life. Your prince won’t arrive if you’re stuck in your everyday life. You need to have someone to help you get out of your own way so that you can connect with your prince and let him in.  We’re so willing to ask for help in other ways, whether it using a financial adviser or getting a personal trainer. There’s nothing wrong with recognizing that you need a little help in the dating world.  I had to see that I couldn’t do it myself.  I had to see that I needed an outside opinion. I had to get out of my own way. Don’t be embarrassed to embrace learning about the dating process. Working with you is one of the best things I’ve ever done.

Make the first step to finding the one, schedule a valuable session by clicking here

Web Show LIFE CHANGERS – Lisa Shield “Naked” Dating & Relationship Expert

“Join me, Caroline Buhler, in this episode where you’ll hear Lisa Shield “Naked” Dating & Relationship Expert, tell stories about dating, relationships, and how to find true love in this world. Let’s get inspired together, comment below the video. Share your stories :)”

Links for you:

Lisa’s website
http://www.lisashield.com

Lisa’s blog
http://www.lisashield.com/blog

Schedule a session with Lisa Shield
http://www.genbook.com/bookings/slot/reservation/30105083?bookingSourceId=1000

What Dating Coaching Can do for You

iStock_000007389180XSmallInterestingly enough, most of the people who come to me for dating coaching don’t come just to learn how to date. There is so much information out there on the “ins and outs” of dating that it’s easy to find anywhere on the web. They don’t need me for that. You probably don’t need to read another article on The 10 Best Places to Meet Quality Men or The 5 Thing to Never Say on a First Date, either. I will tell you this: You will not find another system out there that is as well thought out or can take your dating experience to a deeper level than Naked Dating®.  I don’t just show you superficial things about dating.  Naked Dating digs in and gets you to see dating as a transformational process that helps you become a more loving, openhearted person so that you can attract true love.  There are certain things that I can help you accomplish in the dating arena that are not as easily achieved through reading a book, going to therapy, or even by working with other dating coaches.

Here are the top three reasons people come to me for Naked Dating® coaching:

  1. To Identify and Break Repeated Relationship Patterns
  2. To Hold them Accountable for Dating
  3. To Understand What Real Love Looks Like and Develop the Faith That It Exists

Identifying and breaking repeated relationship patterns…

 

Last Friday, I saw a new client for just this issue.  As Kristi described her most recent dating disaster, tears streamed from her aquamarine eyes.  “He told me he wanted to be exclusive from the first date.  Another dating coach I saw said that this was a great sign.  On her advice, I asked him for a promise ring and he gave it to me.  He said he would take care of me forever, but then it got weird.  He wouldn’t slow down.  It was like he was obsessed with me.  I asked him to slow down, but he got so defensive and mean that I had to break it off.  Why do I keep attracting these really passive-aggressive guys?  I meet these guys and it’s hot and heavy for a few weeks and then everything falls apart.  I can’t keep doing this.”  The stream of tears now flowed like a river.  “I can’t…keep…doing this,” she moaned.  

Many of you might already have seen that you can go out on one date after another, but if you’re repeating the same patterns, attracting different versions of the same person over and over again, nothing is going to change.  You will never find a truly loving relationship this way.  One of the hardest things to do is to identify and break relationship patterns.  Why?  Because we are so convinced that the flood of emotions we feel when we meet someone who triggers our pattern is love.  “But I can’t help it.  This is what I am attracted to.”  I hear this all the time from clients.  As long as you keep telling yourself this, then it’s true.  You will keep thinking that the crazy over-the-top feeling you get when you meet someone who is wrong for you is love.  “But it feels so good and it feels so real, and I want to have chemistry with someone.”  As long as you believe this, it will be your reality.  The truth is that your beliefs are what cause you to feel a certain way, not the other way around.  You do not feel aroused and then think, “God, he’s hot.”  You think, “God, he’s hot!” and then you start feeling aroused.  As your coach, I will help you first identify your relationship patterns and then we will begin to change the thinking that is causing you to repeat these patterns.  Just being aware of the pattern doesn’t help you stop repeating it.  To break a pattern you need to change the belief system that’s causing you to feel a certain way.  Then, you need to apply this to the choices you make in dating.  You need to go out on dates and break the pattern by making different choices in the moment.  As your Naked Dating® coach, I will show you how this is done.

 

Holding you accountable for dating…

One of my all-time favorite clients emailed me this past Friday for an emergency powwow (session).  Here’s what she said:

 

Hi Lisa,

Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. I’m looking forward to seeing you too and having you help me not be a dating dodo!  Heading into week two of online dating, pretty hilarious (as I’m sure you know), even had a guy send me a picture of him holding two big coconuts in front of his two little coconuts… hahaha people… please!

But here are my questions and concerns about me! I’m afraid that I may turn away a good match because:

 

a) I’m not impressed with their profession

b) I’m not super attracted to them psychically

 

I’ve just begun communicating with a guy that’s handsome and seems sweet but he works in construction/building. And I feel like an ass because I’m being very “judgey” (in my head) about it.  Then there have been a couple other nice guys but I’m really not that attracted to them.

I definitely think I’m going to need your help so I don’t pass up a guy for a BS reason OR don’t say yes because I feel guilty. Ha! It’s good to be me.

 

Thanks!

Jenny

 

My clients know how important it is to have an expert watch over and encouraging them through the dating process.  As your Naked Dating® coach, I will be with you every step of the way, reminding you of how special you are, that true love exists, and that it is yours for the taking.  I will help you spot the good guys and let the not-so-good-guys go.   When you go out on one dead-end date after another, it can be tough to stay optimistic and keep the momentum.  Who better than me to keep you going through that process?  Before I met my husband, I went on nearly 100 first dates in two years.  You heard me right: I went on nearly 100 first dates in two years.  Only two of those dates were second dates.  If anyone knows how challenging this process can be, it’s me.  But I found true love and you can too!   Let me help you!

Helping you understand what true love is and helping you keep the faith that you can find it…

This is my personal favorite reason for coaching and it’s why I became a coach.  I grew up in a very unloving and critical family.  From a very early age, I knew that something was seriously wrong with the way my parents treated each other.  They divorced when I was ten, and I became trapped in the middle of their failed marriage.  I had no way to guard against the vicious things they said to me about one another.  I was too young to understand how poisonous it is to gossip, but I knew intuitively that something was terribly wrong with what they were doing.  As a kid, all I wanted to do was love my parents.  Like I lot of people, when I grew up, I married a man who was like my father and repeated many of my parents’ mistakes.  When that ended, I vowed to figure out what real love looked like and how to find it.  I couldn’t keep repeating the same mistakes and recreating loveless relationships.

This is how Naked Dating® was born.  When I left my first husband, I spent six years doing some serious interpersonal work on myself, doing everything from traditional therapy to working with a well-known Mexican shaman, Don Miguel Ruiz.  At some point, everything I was learning about love and relationships started to make sense.  I realized that true and unconditional love started with me: that the way to attract true love was by becoming a truly loving person.  I didn’t just go out on dates and look for The One.  I focused on becoming The One.  I knew that change comes from within and that I would only attract the partner I wanted by becoming the kind of partner I wanted to attract.  This is the heart and soul of Naked Dating® and it is something I can show you how to do.

Ten years ago, I met the love of my life.   The other day my husband looked at me and said, “You know, I think we have the relationship most people are looking for.”  One thing I know for sure is that I don’t think two people could love, respect, or cherish each other more than we do.  As your coach, I can offer you the perspective of someone who has been on both sides of the equation.  I took my theories and ideas about what it takes to find love, put them to the test in my own life, and found the closet thing I can imagine to true and unconditional love.  Because I was so grateful for the love I found, I created Naked Dating® so I could help others find the love they want and deserve.  For the past ten years, I have guided others along this same path.  Perhaps you’ll be next?  I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I can tell you that figuring out how to love and have a loving relationship has made the most profound difference in my life.  Waking up every day knowing that I am loved and knowing that there is someone there by my side to walk through life with me is the closet thing to peace on earth we can achieve.  Love is yours for the taking.  All you have to do is find first it inside yourself and then find another person to share it with.  Naked Dating® can show you how it’s done.

ASK LISA: Can I trust my boyfriend again?

My boyfriend posted a profile on Match.com looking for “friends.” Can I trust him again if he takes it down?

bigstock-A-worried-and-afraid-young-wom-13032743Lisa,

I don’t know what to do. Five months ago Adam and I started dating. When we met, he was the sweetest guy and I thought I had found someone I could spend my life with. He’s from a small town and he seemed to have old-fashioned values and know how to treat a girl. But then the most awful thing happened. I found out through friends that he had posted a profile on Match.com and that he actually emailed a couple of my girlfriends. He hasn’t met all of my friends, so he didn’t know that they were friends of mine, but my friends had seen his picture. When I confronted him, he said that he had put on his profile that he was only looking for friends. I don’t know what to do. All of my friends think that I should break up with him. The problem is that I lost my virginity to him and I still have feelings for him. I also don’t understand why he still wants me to be his girlfriend if he is looking for more than just friends on Match.com. Do you think if I ask him to take down the profile and he does that I can trust him? And what if he really was just looking for friends?

Thanks for your help,

Alana

 

Hi Alana,

While I think your friends are right, ideally you should break up with Adam, I know that, on a physical level, this won’t be easy to do. You lost your virginity to him and the two of you have a sexual bond. Whenever you are sexually involved with someone, your body produces hormones that cause you to feel connected to that person. (Scientists are not positive, but they think that the hormone in women that causes us to bond is called Oxytocin.) So, even if your mind tells you to break up with him, as long as you keep seeing him, your body will keep telling you not to break up with him. Every time you see and smell him—yes, smell him—you will feel aroused. As harsh as this sounds: the best and fastest way to break that bond is by and not having any further contact with him.

So why should you break up with Adam? Here’s the deal: There isn’t a woman on this planet who would be okay with her boyfriend going on Match.com to look for “friends.” So, either Adam is incredibly naïve or he thinks you’re stupid enough to believe his ridiculous story. Either way, it’s not good. A guy with a girlfriend doesn’t go on a dating site to look for friends. Everyone knows that, if you want to find friends, you go on Facebook—that’s what it’s for. You can ask him to take the profile down, but in my experience, you are going to be paranoid and have a hard time trusting anything he says from now on. Relationships are built on one thing: trust. If you don’t have trust, you don’t have a relationship. Can trust be rebuilt in relationships? Absolutely, but it takes two mature adults who are willing to really work on themselves and the relationship to make that happen. I don’t get the feeling that Adam is very mature. Alana, if you stay in this, you will only lose respect for yourself. Get out before you get hurt anymore.

With love,

Lisa

 

 

 

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