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December, 2012

Getting Out There & Meeting Other Singles

Do you ever sit around on your couch and wonder why the universe hasn’t delivered you a date in ages? You think, “How come my dating life isn’t going anywhere?” Well, maybe, just maybe you need to get up, get out, and give the universe a bit of help.  I am willing to bet that if you got off your cute little butt and put some effort into meeting other singles, the universe would reciprocate by giving you some dates.  It’s just a hunch, but it’s a good one.  Seeing as it’s nearly January 1st, you might even want to make a commitment to going out and meeting more singles one of your New Years resolutions.

Get out your calendar and schedule in at least three activities or events a month.  To insure the greatest chance of getting actual dates, choose at least two events that are specifically geared towards singles.  Many people make the mistake of attending a group only once, but you want to frequent the same group over and over again so that people begin to recognize you.  Finally,  go alone so that you will have to get out of your shell and meet more people.

Here are some suggested places to meet people:

1. Go to a bar or pub.  One of the easiest places to meet people is at a neighborhood bar or pub.  Do not have more than one drink.  In fact, it would be better to sip a club soda so that you are totally present.  Witness your fears and inhibitions as they arise.  Do you go for the person you are most attracted to or shy away?  Do you wait to be noticed by others or do you send out signals that you are interested?  Are you judging people and looking for their flaws?  What if you looked around the room and focused on what was attractive about each person?

2. Join a dance class.  Salsa and ballroom dancing classes are an especially good way to meet people.  When you get moving, you naturally are in a better mood.  Dancing is also a great way connect with your body and your sensuality.  As a metaphor for relationships, dancing teaches men how to take the lead and it helps women feel more comfortable letting a man take the lead.  Dancing will also get you out of your head and help you flow with the moment, skills that come in handy when you’re on an actual date.

3. Go for a hike. You can join a group like Sierra Club Singles or go alone and see if you can engage other people on the trail.  Hiking is a great way to combine exercising with meeting other people.  For some people, parties and Meetup groups can feel too sterile.  Doing an activity can create an environment where meeting people feels more natural.  Start by just smiling and saying hello to people.  Eventually, you might say, “Mind if I walk with you awhile?”  If you like someone, you might ask if they would like to meet again for another hike.

4. Go to a networking meeting.  Networking meetings give you a built in excuse to walk up to someone attractive in the room and strike up a conversation.  Check Meetup.com for singles-related networking groups.  Wear something that stands out—a piece of jewelry, a colorful scarf, or a striking pair of glasses—or notice something someone else is wearing that you can comment on.  “I love those retro eyeglasses you’re wearing…”  Ask what kinds of clients they are looking for so you can refer to them.  If you’re bold, suggest getting together for lunch or a drink to discuss how you can help each other.

5. Sit in a coffee shop.  Grab a cup of coffee and a chair by the door.  Don’t read a book or the paper.  Instead, smile at people as they walk in.  See if you can get someone to stop and talk to you.  Maybe comment on something someone is wearing or on the weather, anything to strike up a conversation.

6. Go to a supermarket.  Go at the busiest time of the day and see if you can engage people at the vegetable department or in deli section. Be playful and flirtatious.  Try challenging yourself to talk to the cutest person you can find.   Ask for help getting something off the top shelf or inquire if that person has ever tried a certain product.  Get comfortable talking to everyone, especially people you find attractive.

7. Go to a park or a dog park.  Nothing attracts attention like a dog.  A friend of mine was having a terrible time getting dates.  Then, she got a dog.  The dog got her to get out and about and, lo and behold, she met a guy.  A REALLY cute guy.  Now she has a dog and a boyfriend.  Talk about a happy camper.  If you meet another dog owner you like, suggest a “doggie” play date.

Schedule an appointment with me today.

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

3 Common Misconceptions About Dating and What to Do About Them

If something feels inauthentic or gamey, it probably is.

1.    I shouldn’t have to date.   Many people believe that falling in love should happen organically.  I agree.  But for that to happen, you need to increase your exposure to other single people, especially as you get older.  That’s why you need to date.  Otherwise, how are you going to meet this person?  But there is another, even more important reason to date.  Let’s face it.  Men and women are really different.

Successful relationships occur when two people can come together and embrace those differences.  Dating gives you firsthand exposure to many members of the opposite sex so that you can begin to understand and appreciate how they think and operate.  In the end, falling in love will happen organically, but there is a greater chance of that happening if you help the process along.

2.  I can’t contact someone right after a date.  There’s lots of crazy advice out there about dating.  Who knows?  I might even be disseminating some of it myself.  What you have to keep in mind as you go through this process is that, if something feels inauthentic or gamey, it probably is. read more

Schedule an appointment with me today.

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

“Ten Important Things to Know About Dating” by Dating & Relationship Expert, Lisa Shield

1) Dating will sometimes feel like work.  Like anything worth having, finding a partner requires action, a clear intention, sustained focus, and time.

2) Be yourself.  What we see people doing on reality dating shows or much of what is written in books like The Rules is manipulative.  If it doesn’t feel authentic, it probably isn’t.  Get advice from a reliable relationship coach or from friends that are in solid, drama-free relationships.

3) Only talk to friends that are positive and supportive.  Refrain from speaking to anyone who makes negative generalizations about men, women, or the dating process in general.

4) Water seeks its own level.  No matter you say you want in a partner, you can only relate to other people from the level that you are at.  As Marianne Williamson says: It’s not that you attract unavailable people, it’s that you give them your number.

5) Be honest with your dates about what’s up with you.  This doesn’t mean blaming them for your stuff or complaining about your life.  It does mean taking responsibility for what’s going on with you and focusing on what you are learning.  If you talk about an issue in your life with a date, end that story by sharing read more

Make the first step to finding the one, schedule an appointment with Dating & Relationship Expert, Lisa Shield.  pricing & scheduling

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

“A Slice of Pi”

You’re stranded on a raft in the middle of your life waiting for someone to come along and save you.

Do you ever feel like you’re stranded on a raft in the middle of your life waiting for someone to come along and save you?  Don’t worry.  You’re not alone.  Ok.  Maybe you are alone on your raft, but there are lots of other people floating around on rafts waiting to be rescued just like you.  Take that kid in “The Life of Pi.”  He was floating around out there for over 220 days.  That must have been horrible, but it made a good movie and even better book.  Check it out.

Pi was out there on that raft, but he wasn’t alone, and neither are you.  He was fighting off his demons.  His demons took the form of a Bengal tiger.  What form have your demons taken—are they in the shape of your high school sweetheart who cheated on you, your father who abandoned you when you were three, or your mother who was an emotionally unavailable alcoholic?  If you look closely, you will find them all there on the raft with you.  See.  You’re not alone.

The thing is that no one rescued Pi and no one is going to rescue you. People might want to rescue you.  They might even try, but they can’t.  They can’t save you because no one knows what you need but you. Read More

Make the first step to finding the one, schedule an appointment with Dating & Relationship Expert, Lisa Shield.  pricing & scheduling

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
(323) 939-1770
www.LisaShield.com

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