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February, 2012

MY BOYFRIEND DIDN’T GIVE ME A VALENTINE

My Boyfriend Didn’t Give Me a Valentine

Dear Lisa,
My boyfriend and I met online about 6 months ago.  He’s a great guy.  In fact, everything has been going really well.   He even mentioned that we should move in together when the time is right, so I know he wants to build a relationship with me.  But then, on Valentine’s Day, I felt like we slammed into a wall going 350 miles an hour.  Lisa, he didn’t get me anything—no flowers, no gift, not even a card!  To make matters worse, a couple of the girls at work made comments like, “Aren’t you dating someone?”  And, “Where are your flowers?”  I felt so humiliated.  The thing is that we had gone to Tahoe the weekend before to “celebrate Valentine’s Day,” but we split everything, so it didn’t feel like much of a celebration to me.   Besides, I had told I had gotten him a gift and that I was excited to give it to him, so he must have known I was expecting him to get me something.  I don’t know if I can get over this.   What do I do?
Amelia

Hi Amelia,

I get why you are so disappointed.  Most women want to feel like a princess on Valentine’s Day.  Still, you cannot let one event define an entire relationship.  You have had six wonderful months with this man and you need to take that into account.   You also need to remember that everyone makes mistakes.  One day you are going to make a mistake.  You can count on it.  How you handle this situation will set a precedent for your entire relationship.  You can choose to approach things like an adult.  This would mean telling him how you felt, letting him know what you would like from him going forward, and then letting it go.  Or, you can hold a grudge and let it eat away at you.  The choice is yours.

With love,

Lisa

IS THE GOLDEN AGE OF INTERNET DATING OVER?

Is the golden age of Internet dating over?           Well…yes and no.

Here’s why I feel that Internet dating may have peaked.  When I was dating eleven years ago, online dating felt very different than it does today.  People were just getting accustomed to the idea of looking for a partner online, so there were far fewer people on the sites and they seemed much more serious and well-mannered.  We might not have gotten as many hits back then, but if someone sent you an email he usually followed through with a phone call or a date.  What’s more, people didn’t have those elaborate menageries of 20 to 30 photographs (Am I crazy or does this seem a bit excessive?) and their photos weren’t as overtly sexual.  Sometimes, when I am looking through profiles with clients today, I wonder if many of these people are aware that all they’re really promoting–and, therefore, all they will keep attracting–is sex.  When all is said and done, it seems to me that people were more considerate, discreet, and serious in the early days of online dating.

Today, the number of people online is exponentially higher so most online daters either feel overwhelmed or like kids candy store.  Some genuinely find it challenging to keep up with all the emails they receive.  Others drop one person like a hot tamale the minute someone better comes along.  It is also not uncommon for people to ask for phone numbers and never call or mention going out on a date and then never arrange one.   Another major issue is that many online daters are just looky-loos (love that word).  They go online for those free weekends, contact a bunch of people, and then drop off the site before my clients have even read their emails.   Finally, some online dating websites have been accused of leaving up profiles of people who are no longer active or producing fake profiles in order to lure customers.  All of these issues can weigh heavy on people who are genuinely trying to find a partner online.

So, does this all mean that online dating is over and done?  Not hardly!  Statistics show that people continue to meet online and in record numbers.  Match.com says that 1 in 5 relationships and 1 in 6 marriages start online today.    Also, people who meet online marry after 18 months.  Those who meet offline tend to marry after 42.5 months.  There is no question that Internet dating works or that it is here to stay. 

Even if you do not meet the love of your life online, anyone who is a serious dater needs to be on two dating sites for at least six months.  Especially if you are re-entering the dating world after many years, going online is the easiest way to get out there and start brushing up on your dating skills.  Think of Internet dating like a huge virtual singles party, one you can attend in the safety and comfort of your own home.  You can wink at people across the virtual universe and practice flirting via instant message or emails.  There are millions of people online, so if you aren’t getting the kind of responses you want, you can keep fine-tuning your approach.  You can rewrite your profile, take new pictures, and practice being lighter and funnier in your correspondence.  Once you gain some confidence online, your energy will start to shift.  You will become more open and communicative, and you will naturally start attracting more people in your day-to-day life.  Best of all, you might actually meet someone online, fall in love, and spend the rest of your lives together.  Hey, it happens all the time!

 

 

BE MY NAKED VALENTINE

TRUE LOVE

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